Hi guys....and gals! After I was "found out" of being an alcoholic, I also moved back home with my dad. He wanted me to stay with him for a few weeks, just until we were sure I was not going to have seizures often.
Now that I have become sober and am dealing with the real world , I have realized that I can't afford to move back to my apartment right now. So I have been here with my dad since May. He's okay with that....well at least as okay as he can be considering I am a 25 year old adult and should be on my own.
Anyway, I have two dilemmas. The first is that my dad wants to claim me on his taxes. Being that I do live here with him, for free. I probably should let him. Actually, he didn't give me whole lot of choice but did offer to give me half of the return. The argument wasn't necessarily over the money, more so on my independence. I mean gosh, I feel like I'm 15 all over again. I pay all of my own bills. Student loans, medical, etc. And have lived in my own apartment since I was 19. But, my dad has helped me out with A LOT ot things. I know some of you are parents, how do you feel about the situation? I'm thinking I should just suck my pride up and agree to it.....I guess after all it's not that big of a deal!
The second thing is that my dad has a VERY close eye on me now. He never tells me I cannot do something (with friends or whatever) but he just seems so much happier when I stay home with him. Its kind of hard to explain, but I think there might be times that he thinks I have been drinking. Like, if I'm not in a good mood, or like the other day, it took me forever to dig out my keys to unlock the front door, and as soon as I walked in he said "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?" It makes me so nervous around him that I'm afraid if I do something dumb (which I do a lot of ), he'll think I've been drinking.
I really don't want to talk with him about it. At least not now, maybe when I have more sobriety under my belt. I usually just end up crying and I hate that. Has anyone else been through the same thing, maybe with a spouse or something?
what you describe with your dad is entirely normal, and happened to me when I first got sober and moved back in with my mom at age 24. I suggest you read "The Family Afterward" in the Big Book. It describes the period of reconstruction we have to go through with our families.
^^^^^ good advise there. Crystal, as far as the taxes go, if it's legal than why not? If it's just your ego objecting for general principals vs. helping your dad out, that should be an easy decision.
As far as living with your Dad, of course this is going to bring childhood issues to the surface. After all, our disease is a family disease and moving back in with family in early recovery is tenuous at best and unhealthy usually. It is however and excellent opportunity to set boundaries and stick up for yourself. Your father needs to adjust his way of seeing and dealing with you from a perspective of what ever age he is stuck on (say 15 yo) to you present adult age. It's your responsibility to gently remind him. Google codependency and setting boundaries, and see what you come up with. If you like to read, get a copy of John Bradshaw's "On the Family" (amazon or any bookstore $8). It's an easy read 120 pages, and is a shop manual for understanding dysfunctional families and repairing self esteem, self worth.
, I have realized that I can't afford to move back to my apartment right now. So I have been here with my dad since May. He's okay with that....well at least as okay as he can be considering I am a 25 year old adult and should be on my own.
), he'll think I've been drinking. 