wow, busbe.... that is the very topic that I am struggling with with someone who is, like me, from a military family.. loving our enemies is humanly impossible. I used to subscribe to the hate your enemies philosophy. We need to understand what the kind of Love is that Jesus is telling us to do. He is not saying to marry them, or let them move in with us or to agree with them all the time. He is saying to be merciful. It is like with you children.. do you have children? If you truly love them,,,, you are sometimes going to have to say 'no' to them and make rules and have expectations of behavior.... that does not mean to control them,,, but having ground rules for the common good. I use the definition of Love here... 'to do our best to work toward the well being of the beloved'... and the beloved could be anyone, family, neighbor, and self.
It is tough,,, but it means that our behavior must always be the most constructive that it can be,,, and not get into negative and destructive stuff. I am finding that that is the center of my recovery... learning how to Love under difficult circumstances,, what that means for each person at each moment in time. The 11th STep helps here
love in recovery,
amanda
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 14:37, 2005-02-26
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
We love everyone, as Gods children--but we dont hafta like them personally.:)
There are some that Ive learned to include in my prayers, and care for--but at a distance.
I used to pray that some of them would get run over by a Mack truck.
Kinda changed my tune to--"you are allowed to be the way you are--just stay the "H" away from me!!"
I dont get much from negative, reacting people, except a few remember whens. --unless they are looking for help--then its a different story.
I have a saying also that I go by--"'I love you Seagull, up there in the sky--poo on me once Ile likely forgive you. ---do it twice, and God will be the only one that can help you."
And as I put on my hat to prevent a third time--I do so with love, and completely detatch.:)
An old guy in AA used to tell me to Love Everyone. Used to think he was a wee bit senile, and cracked. Found out with time, he was a very wise man.
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
I have a good friend in AA, He say's I love them dearly, but I can't get involved. I love them dearly, but I can't help. I love them or him but, I don't really like them or him, but I can say a prayer for them or him. I also know a man who said, I pray for him to go to heaven--RIGHT NOW!!! I CAN LOVE AND ACCEPT, BUT DON'T HAVE TO LIKE OR DEAL WITH CERTAIN PEOPLE. I can help a fellow A with his A problem, but I don"t have to mow his lawn or fix his car. I lent a fellow in AA some money, he has never mentioned it again, nether Have I. I still love him and listen to what I might need from him at a meeting, BUT I'm not sure how I feel as I type. I never pray for bad things to happen, Thy will be done not mine. I've said a prayer for someone I don't like, but I find it hard and don't seem to be able to do it day after day. Spiritful progress not perfection. Detach if u must Amanda-- Good.
ty guys.... I have to explain why I wrote what I wrote. I had a near death experience years ago. I won't go into why I was sick, but the experience was this: I heard a voice say to me, "Do you want to come now? Or do you want to love those that you didn't love before?" I said to myself, "Whoa! What and who was that?!" I wanted to be on the safe side and felt I should give answer, so I thought about it. The first part, I thougt, "come where? with who? nuh huh" , so I declined to go wherever it was with whoever it was. The second part, I thought, "love those I didn't love before", sounds like something I should be doing anyway", so I said I would do that..
Now the question is, "what is Love? and how do we do it"? At first I thought like Phil says. I thought it was to be nice to people,, like ugly people, and Indians,, so I got nicer to some people. But if someone crossed me, I , too, had the three strikes and you're out philosophy.
Some years later, the year I hit bottom and started 12 Step recovery, I got a few more 'helpful hints'. One of the helpful hints was the 12 Step program itself. Others were through Step 11 and a spiritual director that I had to help me with Step 11. This is when I realized that just being nice to some people was only superficial and not the real Love that was being asked of me. What was now being asked of me was to Love my enemies as God loves them. My first response to that was that that was impossible. But I have been learning.
It seems that it is a never ending process,, of learning about how God loves, including how He loves me,,, and then sharing that with others. God loves me as I am,,, forgives me every time I fall,,, gives me more than I deserve,,, heals me when I am sick,,, comforts me when I am going through a rough time. God has never written me off, even when I have gone astray, but welcomes me back whenever I come back to Him after straying. God has a lot of patience with me, and He does inspire me in my Step 11's, and He stays with me, and lets me know it when I need to know it. Those are some of the things Ihave to do with others then. He is like a loving Father, in the ways that my earthly father was never able to be.
However, this love,,, also allows me to make mistakes and get my consequences,,, and sometimes to get hurt by other people's bad behaviors, or lack of love for me. If I put my hand on the stove, it gets burnt, but when I run to him with the burnt hand, he takes care of me. I learned not to put my hand on the stove again (or take another drink). Sometimes other people treat me bad, even if I treat them verrrrry nicely. But God didn't tell me that I would be loved; He said to Love those I didn't love before. (That includes myself, by the way.)
It also seems,,, in 'loving those I didn't love before', that every day I try to cover it,,, the next day there are new people in my life that I didn't love before! And some of them are easy to love, but some of them are verrrrry difficult challenges! And, you would think that everyone would like to be loved,,, but this is not true! For various reasons some people reject both the Love and me! Hey,, look what they did to Jesus and His Love.
Well, it all comes down to 'blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy',,, and to 'do your best and God does the rest'.
that's how it looks to me from my perspective,
love in recovery,
amanda
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 04:32, 2005-02-27
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
love your enemies pray for them who despitefully use u...
Hi Busbe,
When I was struggling with this, a member suggested that I should pray for others exactly what I would want for myself. I found that fascinating when I actually started doing it. It sure put a stop to the "Strike that sucker down with lightning" thoughts. It really helped me look at what I was offering and whether I would like what I was willing to dish out, if it actually came back.
Hello again Rick. Do you know that the word 'but' negates the previous statement? When we say ra, ra, ra, but... waffle, waffle. We are really saying that the first statement is incorrect or untrue, and the second is emphasised. It is an interesting way to listen to people, and helps us hear what is really being said. When we know this, it is easier to skip the nonsense people pad things with and hear exactly what they are saying.
So saying: "I love you but...I don't like the way you behave/talk/snore/eat/drive or whatever" is actually saying I don't like you because you behave/talk/snore/eat/drive or whatever. Interesting huh? Little literal gem or trivial clap trap, depending on how you look at it....
...And while I've got you handy...Can you please send me your sausage recipe? Did yours turn out well? We have been making our own sausages, and they are very hard to digest. They either burst or shrink and neither way have they tasted too fantastic. The kids are starting to hide the sausage machine on me.
I enjoyed that Amanda. It reminded me of : How can we dare ask for more love, when we don't know what to do with the love we have already been given? That really impacted on me. Your spiritual awakening gave me goosebumps. In early recovery, when I had difficulty determining the truth I used to ask for goosebumps as a sign of confirmation. Thankyou.
You mean some people speak with forked tounge? TALK THE TALK , NOT WALK THE WALK? Do as I say, not do as I do ? I understand what your saying. I think in this context (but)means (EXCEPT) or on the contrary. For me I accept certain people and avoid or don't deal with them. I harbour no ill feelings, and like you try to pray for the ones I would have retaleated on. I will e-mail you on the saugage, I worked as a meatcutter for years, and have a little experience. Grew up in the trade.
Pardon my humor, here. We can all love an Elephant. But we don't have to let the elephant in our house. (Or ram in the front door). : )
I love religion, bible study for what they give us as guidelines...but the one thing I remember from my faith I was raised in: If we associate with sinners, we become like them. i.e.--watch the company you keep.
Since I have been an adult, I have always had an awareness of "who" you invite into your life and how it affects the quality of my life thereafter. Some folks can stay, and some folks just gotta GO. Sometimes, knowledge beforehand saves us a lot of headaches and heartaches. I think you know the right answer for you.
. The kids are starting to hide the sausage machine on me.