We often hear in meetings that the disease of alcoholism continues to progress even as we remain sober, or, put another way, "if we drink, we pick right up where we left off."
Here's my experience with that: when I got sober in 1986, one of the things that I hated most about my drinking was trying to figure out how to get rid of all the empty bottles that seemed to multiply and take over my studio apartment every day. I'd wait until 3 or 4 a.m., pile them in a garbage bag, and try to carefully take them down to the apartment dumpster without waking all of my neighbors with the clanging of empty bottles. God rescued me from this daily misery and brought me to the fellowship of A.A. where I found a whole new life through the 12 Steps. Stayed sober nearly 18 years, then the insanity of the first drink returned after I stopped going to meetings, practicing the Steps, praying, etc.
Know what happened? Within a few weeks, I was overtaken by all those damned empty bottles again. This time, since my other half is a member of A.A., I couldn't put them in our own trash can, instead, I had to engage in even greater feats to try to get rid of the bottles. Each morning, I had to try to carefully put the bottles in a bag, stuff them in the back seat of my car, and drive to the local gas station or fast food joint to get rid of them. Inevitably, one or more bottles would be "left behind" at home, stuffed in some nook or cranny that I had forgotten about in my drunken stupor.
In my first year back sober in A.A., I had regular nightmares about all those empty bottles, almost like a horror film. I am so grateful today that I haven't had to scheme or plan for over two years now how to get rid of those magic multiplying empty bottles!!!
I couldnt agree more! How embarrassing to have all those little plastic bottles found throughout the house! Why would we hid them in the first place!> Did we think no one knew we were drinking!!! lol Thanks for the share!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Wow, as dumb as this sounds, I've never heard anyone talk about the "empty bottle" thing. It just made me smile when I read it. I sometimes wonder how many garbage bags full of bottles I have thrown away in the past 5 years. And of course, I would never just throw them away as I drank them.....that would just be too smart....I would hide them everywhere. In fact one of my Vera Bradley bags are still stuffed with bottles in my closet (I'm too scared to look at them right now). Oh, how the mind works! But thanks for the post. It reminds me that no matter how crazy some of my actions were......I'm not alone! : )
Empty bottles! Yes I relate to that. Occasionally, I would be astonished at how they would pile up underneath my kitchen sink, in the cupboard. However, I usually felt numb to it and accustomed - like I didn't really care. But I did care, deep down there was a voice whispering to me about how I'm wasting my life and slowly destroying myself. The quiet guilt is another big part of alcholism. I wish I did not have this disease. But I know that I will never be able to take it or leave it. So I must leave it....or *it* will take me.
LMAO. We used to fill up our "bottles with deposits" can two or three times a week. Now it takes a month or more, and boy those plastic soda bottles sure are light!
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even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you --Psalm 139
But thanks for the post. It reminds me that no matter how crazy some of my actions were......I'm not alone! : )