Hi my name is Kristi. I'm an alcoholic. I started when I was 18. I have 2 dwi's. I have failed 1 marriage. I become physically ill when i think about who I was before. How alcohol controlled me. I have been fighting it for 2 years. I stayed sober for 6 months last year. Here and there I drink. It's nowhere close to what I was when I was 21. I am remarried. I have been happy up until last week. Usually he mediates my drinking. Drives me home to keep me safe. I went out with people from work. People bought me shots and drinks so I kept going. I took breaks here and there, but right before we left we did a round of shots. I got behind the wheel and drove home. I was pulled over right before I got home. God had to have been sending me a warning flare. The cop was very polite and let me go. He ran my license. I have a record. I felt so relieved. and yet so sad. I'm still reckless.
I have been a wreck for a week. I keep thinking of the could've/would'ves. My husband keeps trying to pull me out of this rut. I know I have to do the pulling. I am actively searching for a meeting in my area. I felt like joining here would help also. I've never been to AA. So very new to all of this.
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I can finally breathe. Suddenly alive. I can finally move. The world feels revived.
Welcome to MIP, Kristi!!! Congratulations on making the decision to get help from alcoholism. I can tell you (as can others) that A.A. works! You mentioned that you are actively looking for an A.A. meeting--that is extremely important. It is also important to "strike while the iron is hot"; that is, to get to a meeting as soon as possible, preferably this evening. Alcoholism has a very strange way of telling us, sometimes very soon after feeling that "we're at the end of our rope," that things really aren't that bad. So, the sooner you can get to a meeting, the better it usually works. We suggest at least 90 meetings in the first 90 days. In that time, you should be able to learn much about the disease of alcoholism, and learn about the solution that we have found. Please continue to post here, and let us all know how you're doing. We all need you here; that's one of the ways A.A. works.
Hi Kristi and welcome to the site! As BGG said, our alcoholic minds are incredibly adept at convincing us that "maybe it isn't as bad as I thought" after we've had a little time to put the bad incident behind us and we start craving another drink. The next thought will be, "I'm sure I'll stay in control this time." And we may or may not be right.....this time, but not the next. Another thing that is fairly common when we first embark on the journey towards the AA meeting place, is to get cold feet just at the door. Believe it or not, I drove past the parking lot several times before finally pulling in to park.
I agree that you should find a meeting while that hot coal is still burning in your memory. Makes it easier to get inside and sit down. Believe me, you will find a welcome that will be a beginning for a wonderful new life.
Definitely hit a meeting. Then hit another one tomorrow! Remember it is one day at a time. I am 61 days sober after 30 years of drinking without a single pause except for pregnancy. Believe me this program works if you work it!
Good luck and keep posting!
Jules
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even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you --Psalm 139
Hi Kristi, welcome to the board and the program. To add to what's suggested, I found that getting involved with the fellowship of AA is key to creating a new life that doesn't include drinking. It's highly recommended that new comers attend meetings daily till they have 90 days sober (90 meeting/90days). After all we drank daily (most of us) so what's 1 hour a day? Arrive 10 minutes early and stay 10 minutes late and introduce yourself to a couple of women per meeting and get some phone numbers. Identify yourself as a "newcomer" when they ask in the beginning of the meetings and people will welcome you.
The members have a lot of fun with activities that us drunks used to think were boring because we couldn't drink while doing them. It takes time to adjust and "build a sober identity". It's much like going to a new school, you'll feel a bit awkward for awhile and then all of the sudden your authenic feelings of happiness, contentment, joy, peace, love excitment will return without the inducement of chemicals. This takes time because we've trained our mind to believe that alcohol is required and we have to unlearn that by learning how to do everything over again sober. With a positive attitude, it's actually a lot of fun because you get that "doing it for the first time" experience and feeling. Even dating sober is waaaay better sober, although not recommended in the first year of recovery as to keep the focus on yourslef.
One thing that we have to look out for is depression. Exercise is the number 1 treatment for that, followed by eating 3 good meals a day, taking vitamins, and getting plenty of sleep, including a nap in the afternoon if you need it. Getting on a schedule for these rudimentary routines is also key. Watch out for H.A.L.T. Avoid getting Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired and take the action neccessary to correct those situation. These lead to stress and stress leads to thoughts of drinking to relieve the stress. We learn how to avoid stress, anger, and fear at all costs to avoid having to drink over them. "There are no big deals"
Sound silly but I had to write a weekly schedule (grid) that showed sleeping, meals, meetings, exercise, doing laundry, working, paying bills, socializing, more meetings, meeting with my sponsor, activities.... Then I also had a calender for obligations and special events. I still have my '89/'90 calender in my desk drawer and marvel at all the extra curricular activities that I did in my first year. Probably 30 concerts, 4 interstate motorcycle trips to see HS friends, a couple trips to the beach for AA conventions, bowling, ice skating, scuba diving, skiing, mountain biking, camping.... More than I'd done in the previous 15 years of drinking and drugging.
Well done on such a good attitude to finding a meeting. My meetings help me to stay sober and I have met some truly wonderful people that are now life-long friends through the rooms of AA.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are working out for you, won't you? We're all here to help each other.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Kristi, Welcome to MIP. Plenty of good advice here, and more importantly, a lot of good SUPPORT for the emotions and frustrations of trying to find our way out of active alcoholism. We are always here for you, so pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and enjoy the ride. You are not alone!!
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
