I myself have had some hard times in the midst of doing positive things but I have gotten back up and sober again so I thank God for that and the help of my dear Quetzel who has been wonderful in her support of me by personal messages and emails. (God bless you Quetzel/Carol!).
We can do it PJ. I know I have to decide what is important and also know that the problems are going to be there no matter if I am sober or drunk and being sober is going to make things better versus being drunk making things a billion and one times worse.
We may get relief or think we do for the moment or two moments but the rest of the time with drinking it is all torment and sickness plus we create a billion more problems instead of only having the one, two etc that we feel we need to drink over.
I am glad you see your posts. I hope that you and I can say we have been sober for 30 days and then 60 days and on and on toward it not being an issue in our lives. And that it is just a nightmare that faded in the morning light.
Hi PJ, That is horrible that you have the retinal problem. It is understandable that you would drink. That is what we do as alcoholics and struggle to find other ways. And you reaching out is finding another way. I am proud of you. God bless Love Rosie
Hi PJ and Rosie. By the Grace of God and this wonderful fellowship, in a few weeks time, one day at a time I will have been sober a year and believe me its not been easy.
I have had a horrendous year health wise and have had such bad episodes with my breathing that I was scared I was on my way out. I suffer with a muscle disorder and at the moment, I cant lift my chin off my chest, I am in excruciating pain in my shoulder neck and arm but at the same time, I have no use of the arm in question and my fingers are numb. Last week, again by the grace of God my son got away with going to prison and was handed a community sentence instead, if he had gone to prison, I would have been in big trouble at home on my own in this state.
From the day I put down my last drink I have had problems ten fold, i didnt even have the honeymoon period of euphoria that I have heard talked about.
How did I get to nearly a year, I do what is suggested and pick up the phone and not a drink. If possible and somebody can take me, I go to meetings on a regular basis.
No disrespect ladies but I have to agree with Doll here, there are no reasons to drink, just excuses.
I notice that the people on here who dont take others suggestions on board are those who seem to relapse. Tell you something?
Get working ladies and you have a far better chance of staying sober. Even with all this pain, I would not want my old life back.
p.s. I know my last message may sound heartless, believe me its not, it is totally heartfelt as I want to see you lovely ladies succeed in staying sober. This is a killer illness and I wouldnt want it to take you with it.
Rosie wrote: understandable that you would drink. That is what we do as alcoholics and struggle to find other ways.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't understand it! And what this alcoholic does is go to meetings, practice the 12 steps, work with my sponsor, sponsor others, go to meetings, read the BB, go to meetings........even if my ass falls off. I put it in a bag and take it with me to a meeting.
Let's see, since I've been sober........ I've been diagnosed with DDD. I have 4 titanium plates in my neck, I was in a car accident in April which has set the DDD off again. I have neuropathy in my breastbone and left side ribcage, RA and an asymmetrical thyroid. I get to see another doctor tomorrow to schedule surgery. My son has been arrested 3 times in the last 12 months. I broke up with my b/f of 5 yrs 3 months ago. I have STACKS of medical bills I can't pay. My car is still not fixed correctly from that guy hitting me! I'm in the battle of my life with his insurance company. A childhood friend took his own life in March...and I could go on......
I didn't drink over any of that........and best of all........ I didn't want to drink.
Sobriety teaches us to learn how to live life on life's terms. Good, bad, indifferent. If I couldn't do that, then what's the point of getting sober at all !!!!
I pray you both 'get it' before it's too late...........
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hi KLT and Doll, You misunderstood what I wrote. I reread it and see why. I will rephrase and hope you can see what I am saying.
It is understandable that an alcoholic would drink due to things like that because that is what an alcoholic does but PJ reached out and now is doing something different to stay sober instead and deal with it.
I am sure that before you both got to where you are you also made those mistakes and learned from them and are doing different and good for you both but we are both struggling and picking our asses up also to do better.
I appreciate your wanting me to do better both of you but a little more compassion and not so much judgement would be very much appreciated also.
The desire to stop drinking is what counts and go from there to take proper steps to do so. We are not all in the same place and that is okay.
Hi StPetedean I must say that I feel that your post is picking and not very supportive at all. PJ is really reaching out here and I feel you all are being very cruel to someone who is clearly not doing well.
Where is the experience strength and hope instead of this judgemental meanness? Do you do this to newcomers in a meeting?
If you do I can see why they would not go back to a meeting and it could mean the difference for them in their quest to figure things out and continue to reach out. PJ had posted that she needed comfort right now and she is doing this instead of drinking.
You say you are working the steps etc but I do not see you practicing much of the principles here. Please give her a break.
Sorry PJ but this kind of stuff is why I stopped posting. It is unfair to do this to some and welcome others who are relapsing and in the same boat as both PJ and I.
This forum is important to us who are struggling and if you can't post something without this judgement then do not post at all. God bless you PJ. Rosie
Hi again Rosie. Yes I did relapse once and ended up back out there for 3 1/2 years. I nearly didnt get back. This time last year I was a skeleton in my bed, virtually unable to get downstairs and had lost all my will to live. God obviously had different ideas for me because I got back to the rooms of alcoholics annonymous when I had possibly only a few weeks at the most left to live. I dont want to see this happen to you or PJ.
As for the compassion, that has been tried and good suggestions given time and time again but they dont seem to have been taken on board and without doing what is suggested you will relapse again and again so its like flogging a dead horse.
I have had 2 sponsers since coming back into the fellowship and both of them have told it as it is and I am so grateful to them for that because if they hadnt I probably wouldnt have got this far. I had to ring my sponsor late last night as I was having a bad time with stinking thinking, I didnt ring her so she could be all nicey nicey, I rang so she could put me straight and tell me that I was running on self will and not Gods will.
I am only sharing my ES& H with you because I care and would love to see you succeed in getting sober but you really need to do what is suggested to you in order to do that. Yes, I have seen others on here relapse and gets lots of compassion but there is only so many times that people will do that when the person in question isnt doing what is suggested to them, the very thing that has kept so many people sober for decades. Its not easy my friend, nobody is saying it is which is whyi t is so important to do what has been suggested to you.
If a friend came to you with bad toothache and you suggested they go to the dentist but they didnt and just kept coming back to you complaining of toothache, what would you say to them. Only this isnt toothache, this is a disease that will kill you so please my friend, take on board whats been suggested as it obviously isnt working your way,
There is no judgement on my part...... It's called ES&H......Sharing what it was like (obviously I'm here!) and what it's like now.
The first 2 yrs in AA, I relapsed several times. Any reason worked for me. Justifying it was what I was trying to do! A broken fingernail was a good 'excuse' for me. It wasn't until I got HONEST - the broken fingernail didn't cause me to drink, I just WANTED to drink!
The desire does count BIG time, after all it's what got us here, but if we do nothing to change then we will die drunk with only a desire!
The bottom line: We never HAVE to drink again, but we may CHOOSE to.
-- Edited by Doll at 06:16, 2008-10-21
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
How truth makes us free is something that we AA's can well understand. It cut the shackles that once bound us to alcohol. It continues to release us from conflicts and miseries beyond reckoning; it banishes fear and isolation. The unity of our fellowship, the love we cherish for each other, the esteem in which the world holds us-all of these products of truth which, under God, we have been privileged to perceive
Just how and when we tell the truth-or keep silent-can often reveal the difference between genuine integrity and none at all.
Step nine emphatically cautions us against misusing the truth when it states; "we made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except, when to do so would harm them or others." Because it points up the fact that the truth can be used to injure as well AS TO HEAL, this valuable principle certainly has a wide-ranging application to the problem of developing integrity.
__________________
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
And... Hi PJ Im so glad you made it back! Keep sharing and working your program. It can be done! There is a lot of great responses on here and know you are loved!
__________________
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Hi StPetedean I must say that I feel that your post is picking and not very supportive at all. PJ is really reaching out here and I feel you all are being very cruel to someone who is clearly not doing well.
Where is the experience strength and hope instead of this judgemental meanness? Do you do this to newcomers in a meeting?
If you do I can see why they would not go back to a meeting and it could mean the difference for them in their quest to figure things out and continue to reach out. PJ had posted that she needed comfort right now and she is doing this instead of drinking.
You say you are working the steps etc but I do not see you practicing much of the principles here. Please give her a break.
Sorry PJ but this kind of stuff is why I stopped posting. It is unfair to do this to some and welcome others who are relapsing and in the same boat as both PJ and I.
This forum is important to us who are struggling and if you can't post something without this judgement then do not post at all. God bless you PJ. Rosie
Rosie, PJ is not a newcomer. My comment was not judgemental and did not personally attack anyone, however yours did. I can see why you feel this way, as you also, by your own admission, "do it your own way" with similar results. My ES&H is all over this board for those that care to read it and possibly learn from my mistakes/successes. The bottom line is that none of the @$$ kissing, that I received, early on, in the program kept me sober, but having sponsors and members of my groups call me on my BS did. When I was relapsing, I was NOT going to enough meetings, working the program, using a sponsor, engaging in the fellowship ect... and I didn't get a bunch a sympathy about it either.
However people sharing about relapses helps me to stay sober, so for that I'm indebted to both of you. Now, I care about you and TJ just as much as my own family and I've never met you. Please return to meetings daily, get a sponsor, work the steps, read the books...and live happily ever after. I'm praying for you both now, no kidding.
Dean
Chapter 5 How It Works
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. Thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power that One is God. May you find Him now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventure before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a)
That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b)
That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
Well, I must speak up here.... been reading here for years, and I get turned off every time I see people picking at one another. That is not what this is all about. We all know by now, if we have had any time sober at all, what kept us sober. I think this forum does not take the place of sponsorship, but provides a good method for us to identify with and support one another. That is the kind of treatment I got in AA and from my sponsor. My sponsor made it clear to me by being a good example of what I could have in my life and spirit if I stayed sober and did what she did. She at no time has ever rammed anything down my throat. She let me fall down as many times as I needed to in order to become willing, of my own accord. She knew she could never "talk me into being willing", that I needed every bit of bottomless pit exposure that I needed, in order to get to where I could WANT to stay sober day by day. She has never put me down or nagged me about any part of the program. She simply has offered a shining example, and a very KIND way of helping me to see for myself when I was going at it the wrong way. She has been the most "non-interventionist" sponsor I have ever seen, and with it she has maintained my respect. She has calmly and patiently seen me through a litany of situations where I fell off because I was not willing, yet she, never having gone back out herself, understands that willingness is not something she could ever force upon me. She is wise enough to know that others' paths to freedom are not the same as hers, and she has gained a lot of humility from watching and learning. She identifies that she is not "out to save the world", but to be a calm example and learn from those she helps.
With 5 of us as her sponsees who somehow find out lives having gotten 100 times better WITHOUT all the preaching and forcefulness that some dole out in the program, it is plain to see, for ME, why I stick with a sponsor who does not know all the answers, and knows she doesn't know. If at this juncture, I don't know HOW to pick up a Big Book or drive my car to a meeting, she is not going to rip roar over to my house and do it for me. It is her calm humility that keeps me coming back to get help day by day, not the preaching and nagging from others on soap boxes, which doesn't work anyway.
Just my little ES&H. Let folks find there own way. In the end, no one can save us, not even our sponsors. We have to save ourselves, and the right examples in AA can do more than an army of talking heads.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Hi St Pete, If you read my posts you will see I am attending AA now and in the process of starting a womens group with some dear friends of mine.
And I have been doing so but have relapsed in the process of going to meetings and going to see an alcohol counselor. I have many new people now from AA in my life and I am doing the steps.
It is very rude to pick like you did about the mini relapse.
Hi Joni, That is exactly what is needed and when I see so called sober people picking and making rude remarks it is not right and I do not care how long or how much sobriety they think they have.
I am done on this thread and will not entertain those who treat people who are struggling that way. It is not right. We all are in the same boat and need the the kindness as you point out like your sponsor.
This board is important to me. I left due to this kind of stuff but I will not do so again.
