I'm sitting here in my new place. Gone is the haunting familiarity of an empty house not filled with laughter. I don't have to face it anymore, I don't have to face any of it. I tried my best to keep everything afloat in the process. I bankrupted myself emotionally and less significantly, financially. It's just stuff right ? It's just stuff. I sign the bankruptcy papers this Friday, and then it is finally over. How long was I supposed to stand at the door and knock ? Why do I feel guilty about this whole process ?
I won't be held hostage to the old debts we incurred together, but I have this incredible feeling of guilt. I am walking away from it just as she did. The only difference is that I was left with the debt load. As I struggled to keep the house, loan and truck payments going, it was affecting me. And it started to affect the things I did with my son. The reality hit home when he said there was nothing to choose from in the fridge.
Do I free myself of the things that are keeping me from being happy ? Yes. Am I irresponsible ? I hope not, I still have my career, and support my son. Why do I feel like I should call to give her fair warning ? Why can I just not blot her out and everything that went with her ? I just want my peace, and for her to stop meddling with it. Is that such a bad thing ?
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I'm proud to say I am an Alcoholic, and my name is Scott.
If the plan for me is divinely inspired, no man shall find fault with where I am today, or how I got here.
Welcome back Scott! I dont believe we have met, I am Allison greatful recovering Alcoholic. I have lost everything I ever owned several times. I also have been divorced several times. All I can say is, Yes, you got it its gonna be a silly slogan,,,, This too shall pass!! As long as you stay sober and breathing through all this you will be great! During times like these it is a good idea to step up our meetings and fellowshiping. Hope to see you post often here, this is a terrific support network! Love Ya! Allison
Hey Scott Glad to see you back! Through this all you sound better than ever! Im happy for you. Life will get better and most importantly you have a good relationship with your son! Now you can afford to put food in the fridge cuz I know how a growing boy can eat!!!! ugghh!!!
Keep your chin up, you did what you had to do!!! Have a great day!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
The reality hit home when he said there was nothing to choose from in the fridge. That kind of says it all doesn't it. Don't worry about letting go of "things", you can't take them with you anyway. You need to live today, and for that you need food.
Do whatever you need to do and feel good about it. It's not irresponsible to do things that will help you survive today. Keeping you and your son going is a responsible positive action.
I've lost everything except what I could pack in a couple of suitcases three times in my life and each time I was better off for it. Mind you the first time it happened I was scared as hell, but it didn't take long to figure out I had done the right thing.
Your on track, keep looking ahead.
CHIMO! Bruce
-- Edited by matay at 22:58, 2008-10-14
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Until I know what I'm doing, I'll ask questions from someone who has what I want. If I don't like the answer, it's probably the one I need!
Thank you Nique (nice to meet you also), Bruce, and my old friend Lani. Your words are very reassuring to a very nervous man. Comforting to know most decisions I have made since achieving sobriety have usually been correct ones. I could not have made them any other way.
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I'm proud to say I am an Alcoholic, and my name is Scott.
If the plan for me is divinely inspired, no man shall find fault with where I am today, or how I got here.
