Hate the word organization... reminds me too much of WORK. They say AA ought never be organized.... does this mean AA's themselves ought not be organized? Probably not....
Learning lately that being ultra-organized is not in my nature. I am a very creative artsy kind of person, who goes from one thing to the next. It is not something I have been able to change in recovery very well. It seems a part of my makeup. Is it a character defect? I am starting to think, maybe, NO. It may be more of a personality style than a character defect.
By being a bit disorganized, I mean things like "no", I do not follow a routine every day around the house, I do not get to bed at the same time each night, my home does not look immaculate, etc... Yes, I almost run out of gas here and there before realizing I need to pull into the station (key word ALMOST).... and I forget something I thought I was going to do here and there. Have tried to make "lists" as suggested... Bah!!
At times I have told myself that it was something that would mend in sobriety, but no. Sometimes I feel LESS organized than when I started out. I have piled on a lot more responsibility and a lot more areas of interest now that I am sober. Where's the time I need to get everything done?
I am realizing that in all areas other than on the job (where the organization is already in place, no thanks to me), I work in spurts, and I DO prioritize, just not based on what some others would call "neccesity". Like for me, it is not neccesary for me to load the dishwasher before bed every night. Sometimes I do it in the morning. I have some girlfriends who would be shocked and horrified if they knew. LOL If I want to sit down and read or watch something after dinner instead of cleaning up, I do what I want to do, not what I feel I NEED to do. Is this laziness, or freedom?
I guess it may not be a character defect at all, to do things a little unconventionally. I have always done them that way. As long as they don't take away from my happiness or my recovery, I guess I can give myself a break, and stop believing that there is only ONE way to live your life. Am I wrong in this???
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
As one procrastinator to another..no way! Reading your post, I was giggling, cuz I could have written it myself. I am so unorganized. And I am perfectly happy being so, although it sometimes drives my family crazy. Since being sober I know I have less time for myself because I have taken on more responsibilties. Finding the balance is what I have to do, and most times I find it and get done what needs to be done.And I think I ran out of gas the other day, but the car also needed anti-freeze so maybe it just over heated and shut down. It's running today that's all that matters.
I'm so organized I can become overwhelmed if things aren't "done". I think part of it is growing up military and part is guilt stemmed from drinking.
Growing up we weren't allowed to leave our bedroom in the mornings until the bed was made. Everything had a place and had better be in it. Even the junk drawer that everyone has was organized with little plastic dividers/baskets!
As an adult keeping everything neat, clean and tidy meant I couldn't have a drinking problem! I would make sure EVERYTHING was done and put away, clothes ironed for work/school the next day, dinner dishes cleaned and put away, son bathed, homework done etc, etc and THEN I could drink! How could I possibly be an alcoholic if everything was 'done' and 'perfect" ! I know today it was justification.
In sobriety I'm learning to leave dishes in the sink. I'm learning that I don't have to vaccuum and wash my car 2x a week. And that the world will not end if I decide in the morning, instead of tonight, what I will wear to work. I've even tossed the junk drawer baskets!
Shortcoming, maybe. But Character Defect, no way.
The BIG picture - none of it really matters in the scheme of life.
(((hugs)))
Jen
-- Edited by Doll at 07:45, 2008-10-11
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hahahahaha! I can totally relate to all of your posts!!!! Sounds noraml to me!!!
I found a letter I had written my husband when my kids must have been babies...I was apologizing for being so anal about housework!! What happened between then and now!!! But it is funny b/c he bitched when I cleaned to much now he b's that I dont do it enough!!!
Today I can say..."WHATEVER!!!!"
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Doll, you are NEVER invited to come see me now! LOL Unless, of course, you brought a mop with you....
I guess the source of angst for me in this post was the BEATING MYSELF UP ABOUT IT, which I have been doing for years. My surroundings only ever look "perfect" about 3 times a year. You guessed it, holidays.
It is yet another thing that when all is going well, I can look at myself and say "YOU'RE NOT PERFECT THOUGH, BECAUSE BLAH BLAH BLAHHHHHHH...."
Putting the baseball bat away, but also not getting the mop out either. I AM OK. I AM OK. I AM OK.
I think if I had had a whole mess of kids things might be different. THEY could keep the house organized, right???? (wrong) LOL
I think I just need to constantly find a reason to pick at myself. Let me step in for a minute here and be my OWN best friend.... "Leave her alone." That feels better.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
