Rock Bottom?

soberdrunk · MIP Old Timer

Rock Bottom?

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Good to see you Buddy..Its been a long time.

Sounds like youve been on quite a ride.

I guess the big question is...

When are you going to be ready to get off? or are you going to go deeper, into the big black hole? to the point of no return.

If youre ready to get off? You know the route. Youve been there. Not easy..climbing back up the ladder...but YOU KNOW its worth it..

Youve likely got a lot of anger inside also...mostly directed at yourself.

Time to forgive yourself Bud..and turn things around.

We care about YOU..and we care what happens to YOU.

And we are here for you anytime.

Doll · MIP Old Timer

Hi Justin. I'm glad to see you.

Let me start by saying "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Not to mention a SELFISH one. My baby brother hung himself in the county jail 7 yrs ago in January. It left a gapeing hole in our family that has yet to heal......

Jail time sounds like it should be rock bottom. But you went on to say you can't go to a meeting 'just yet." Maybe Prison time will be the clincher? Dunno. But I do know that you have to WANT sobriety, until then we continue to lower our bottom.

I kept up that brick wall for years and I too felt incapable of a close personal relationship. In AA and with time that wall is starting to come down, brick by brick. Time really does take time and maybe you haven't given yourself enough.

My prayer for you at this moment is this IS your rock bottom, the only way to go is UP from there.

BIG ol (((hug)) to you.

~ Jen

lani · MIP Old Timer

Hey Justin,
Glad to see you posting and hope you find the strength you need to rise above! Looks like youve been here before and you must know what a better life you'll have being sober. You have alot of things to face but what you need to face the most is you! You are attempting to make it back!

We always say play back the tape to keep you sober. Well, play back the tape of when you were sober and how different life was! Think of the good times and the pride you had in yourself!
Remember telling yourself I dont want to ever feel that way again! You have a choice! Make it a good one!

learning · MIP Old Timer

Hi Justin,
Reading the "sucidal thoughts...." felt as if someone were poking a knife in my heart......once again. It is coming up a year since my husband's nephew took his life. As Jen
said it weighs heavy on the hearts of those who loved him sooooo much. (And, yes, alcohol played a factor in this loss.) He was a husband, a brother, a father, a son, a friend, as well
as a nephew. He had a decent-good paying job and a mischievious quick wit. AND......he
liked 'to party' (drink alcohol). Went down that road......and it got him into trouble. Motorcycle accident of which it was thought he would not survive. He did. Physical therapy
to regain full use of his one leg during which he drank. I wasn't around him yet from my point of view it seemed that no one attempted to discourage that behavior. He had been out
drinking.....faced a DUI....and loss of his job. I have no clue what went through his mind the hours, mins., secs. before his life stopped. What can be told is that when it did, the pain rang loudly in many, many hearts.
What I do KNOW, is that insurmounted odds can be beat. There are people ready and
willing to show one the way, to lend a helping hand. Humbling one's self, letting go of the pride and saying to one's self, "Okay I screwed up......how can I correct/make it better/turn
this around?" are the keys. EVERY single life on this earth has worth!! EVERY single person
makes mistakes!!!! And not one of those mistakes can't be corrected!!!! As Phil said, forgive yourself. Often that is the hardest of things to do. And keep reaching out (and looking) for those who can help you or support you to make a better life.
There are many right here who have been where you are, faced what were thought to be insurmountable odds, perhaps on the threshold of giving up on life ....... and now are LIVING
proof that life can be better. Keep faith it CAN happen.
With respect and support,
Wanda

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi Justin,

It's good to see you posting again.

I, too, have a self-destruct button and I used to press it repeatedly when I was drinking without caring about who I took out with me. But, my meetings help to 're-wire' me and 're-program' that self-destruct button.

I know just how hard it can be to get to a meeting after a while of drinking. I've done it. But, the idea of not going to the meeting and carrying on drinking was a lot harder.

I agree with Lani about playing back the tapes of how good life was when you were sober.

You do have a choice. Prayers are going up for you that you'll make the right one.

Please keep posting, won't you, Justin? We're all here for you.

Take care,

Carol

Marc T. · Veteran Member

If you don't think you are worth life you are dead wrong.
Listen, there is only one of you. Why?

soberdrunk · MIP Old Timer

Thankyou for all your comments. I'm gonna hit a meeting tonight. See where that takes me.

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

I am so glad that we got to hear from you Justin, and I am hoping you keep posting and letting us know how things go.

I know that deep desperation, that hopelessness, and that nothingness you feel. I know it well. It has taken up more of my life than NOT feeling that way has. It is almost a comfortable state to us as alcoholics and drug addicts. And someone just saying "You are not alone" when their life is on the mend, is not enough. I know that, so I am not going to go on about how great things are for me in sobriety. All I have is just one day, just like the rest of us.

Last November I got caught up again in drinking and drugging. By the grace of God, and after being MIA for awhile, I got the blessing of pneumonia, and my husband nursed me back to health, I was on physical and mental lockdown. I gave him the car keys, and made him take every bit of spare change out of this house so I could not catch a bus to the Great Nowhere. It was so cold, and I was so sick with the pneumonia, I could barely walk.

If it hadn't been for my own "family lockdown" program, I would certainly have gotten back into treatment. If you can't make it on your own this time, do just that. Check in and let someone else be responsible for you. Give someone else the reigns to your life for awhile. At least until the power that the drugs and alcohol currently have over you is diminished enough for you to make a choice again.

I hope your meeting went ok. It is those long hours in between that can be so very hard, especially when we are alone with our rotted sense of reality. I pray for you tonight, my old friend, that you will get some help. That you will not make the decision that you can never take back. You are better than that. You have a lot more to offer, and someone out there is aching to help you and thereby enrich their own life in the process.

Love you very much, Justin, in that AA way. You are precious and it can and will get better. Shit happens. You WILL get through it, no matter what consequences face you. You can be whole again without the nagging need that those devilish substances have put within you again. You will get through it. I know you will. I am counting on it, my friend.

The prayer lines are open.

((((((((hugs)))))))
Joni