A bloke I know, and who had encouraged into AA has started drinking again. I'm really upset. He seemed to be doing well and was a regular at our Thursday Step meeting. Now he's locked himself into his flat and is just associating with other drinkers.
There doesn't seem much I and others can do- I feel helpless. He had 4 months away from it, was starting to see his family again and seemed to be really enthusiastic. None of us was actively interfering in his life, but I fear we did something wrong.
We just encouraged him to keep coming back. I even said that there was no rush for the programme- staying away from the first drink was the most important thing. But I feel so helpless now. He has our numbers.
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The past is never over; it's not even past yet. William Faulkner, U.S. writer
Our empathy and compassion make us feel like we are not doing enough to help sometimes. Your friend's setback isn't your fault, period. It is not your responsibility either. Sounds cold doesn't it? An old timer told me that once when he notice how affected I was while watching a close friend relapse. It can be a slippery slope for sure. None of this is easy.
scott
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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
Our empathy and compassion make us feel like we are not doing enough to help sometimes. Your friend's setback isn't your fault, period. It is not your responsibility either. Sounds cold doesn't it? An old timer told me that once when he notice how affected I was while watching a close friend relapse. It can be a slippery slope for sure. None of this is easy.
scott
Thanks so much. I personally feel bad about him. We come from such similar backgrounds here in Edinburgh, and it is such a friendly meeting- we take turns cooking and give each other rides home. I think inevitably he was going to drink again. But, like you say, it isn't easy and I won't be giving up on him. He has a wife and young family and I feel that people could easily have given up on me.
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The past is never over; it's not even past yet. William Faulkner, U.S. writer
I feel for you knowing that someone you know has gone back to drinking. I have seen that with people that I care about and it's so hard. I have also been one of those who went back out drinking. I know that there was nothing anyone could have said or done to get me back to AA until I was ready.
You'll be there to welcome your friend back if he chooses to return to AA and you can't do more than that.
You're in my thoughts.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I always want EVERYONE to stay sober, it is painful when someone goes back out. But I've found it's extra painful when it's someone we care for on a personal level.
Praying for your friend.........
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
yes despite what you have shared, and what others have shared on this page, it could be that your friend was looking at the differences, and not the similarities which gave him a chance to have another go, at the oldway of his life, the main thing is that you stay sober, and move on with your life, and dont take this personally, as the others have said.
