How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Victimization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings of victimization.
Victimization can be so habitual that we may feel victimized even by the good things that happen to us!
Got a new car? Yes, we sigh, but it doesn't run as well as I expected, and after all, it cost so much. . . .
You've got such a nice family! Yes, we sigh, but there are problems. And we've had such hard times. . . .
Well, your career certainly is going well! Ah, we sigh, but there is such a price to pay for success. All that extra paperwork. . . .
I have learned that, if we set our mind to it, we have an incredible, almost awesome ability to find misery in any situation, even the most wonderful of circumstances.
Shoulders bent, head down, we shuffle through life taking our blows.
Be done with it. Take off the gray cloak of despair, negativity, and victimization. Hurl it; let it blow away in the wind.
We are not victims. We may have been victimized. We may have allowed ourselves to be victimized. We may have sought out, created, or re created situations that victimized us. But we are not victims.
We can stand in our power. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized. We do not have to let others victimize us. We do not have to seek out misery in either the most miserable or the best situations.
We are free to stand in the glow of self-responsibility.
Set a boundary! Deal with the anger! Tell someone no, or stop that! Walk away from a relationship! Ask for what you need! Make choices and take responsibility for them. Explore options. Give yourself what you need! Stand up straight, head up, and claim your power. Claim responsibility for yourself!
And learn to enjoy what's good.
Today, I will refuse to think, talk, speak, or act like a victim. Instead, I will joyfully claim responsibility for myself and focus on what's good and right in my life.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Thank you so much for sharing that. I have the book next to my bed and don't pick it up as much as I should - but you cover me by posting here, where I am everday.
And this one is important to me. I have spent the last 1.5 years playing the victim. I set a boundary recently that the other person usually just walks right over, as I let them. It was asking for space. In the past - I would request this - and the other person would cry about me pulling away - or cheating - or you name it - all types of hurtful accusations, and I would turn around and take care of them instead of me.
This time, I again asked for space - was calm, gentle, only I messages - and when they came back the next morning calling, texting, emailing, IM'ing for me to call - "they were frightened" - I calmly stood my ground (it was the middle of my work day) and said that I had been clear in my request and they needed to respect that.
They proceeded to crash into my boundary and fight and push and say nasty things - and left me as I was treating them poorly (those are kind words compared to what was said).
And you know what? I feel ok - not triumphant that this person hurt themself - but OK that I stood my ground and took care of myself. I don't feel hurt anymore, at first their mean words hurt a lot - but I know I did what was right for me and the outcome is what it was supposed to be. I usually go running back, as they have convinced me how much at fault I am, so after a period of time alone I seek them out and beg them back - "It was all my fault, I will try harder". This time there is a calm finalilty - a peace that my life just got better.
I am going to keep practicing not being the victim, stating my truth, and taking care of myself. I was not the victim of this person - I allowed them to treat me in this manner. I am going to change that in me. Now I have a peaceful environment to focus on my recovery - and not want to drink so much around this relationship. I am excited about what is to come in my life. I feel I have a fresh start - starting with my recovery. I am sober today - and have been for 40 days...and I am so thankful for that.
"Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt."
thank you,
tlc
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__________________ "By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." ~Winston Churchill
