Hi everyone, I am totally new to this and have no experience dealing with AA, so please bear with me....
I'm 24 and having a bit of a tough time wondering whether I have a problem with alcohol or not. I think I may have, but I was looking for advice from people who have been through this.
I drink heavily about 3 or 4 times a week, socially (i.e. not on my own at home in the dark or anything...). It hasn't been a huge problem until recently when it's started affecting my relationshaip with my girlfriend. I go out, and don't come back at the time I say I will, usually 3 or 4 hours later. During which time I drink more and more. Obviously my girlfriend isn't happy at this, and it causes huge rows when I come back. Normally, I am an introverted and quiet person who avoids conflict like the plague, but when I've been drinking, I become the opposite and throw verbal abuse at her, swearing and shouting. I am never physically violent.
Now, I don't crave alcohol when I'm not drinking and never drink in the mornings, and as I said, I drink 3 or 4 times a week. But alcohol is obviously affecting my life and other's lives.
It's been very hard for me to write this on a forum like this one, having never even delved into this, and was just looking for some advice. Am I a full-blown alcoholic who requires AA, or is this something that can be fixed by me before it's too late?
jeff if your keen or willing to go to AAmeetings then give your self 3 months worth, 2-3 meetings a week should do it, more if you wish, you will learn things about alcohol that are not discussed in society,eg, the papers tv, magazines, and even hospitals. look at the similararities in your life with others, and not the differences, and by then you will be able to make your mind up. and by the way the womens stories will be very much the same as the mens, cheers peter.
In my experience if you are wondering if you have a problem, you probably do. I didn't drink all day or every day either, but believe me, I am an alcoholic. Check out the link someone else posted above and really give yourself a chance to be honest about things. Ask yourself what you have to lose by not drinking. Try a meeting. They are not scary and you will probably enjoy yourself.
Peace and good luck.
Jules
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even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you --Psalm 139
Welcome to MIP, Jeff. Thanks for your honesty & sharing. My drinking was much like yours & didn't get a chance to progress further. I realised I cannot take a drink safely or guarantee my behaviour once I've taken that first drink & I learned I had to stop. In early recovery I found my behaviour could often be as bad a while after sobering up but that changed with time. The first thing I had to do was put down the drink & then I could work on myself from there. Life is better for me in so many ways now that I don't drink. A.A. has & is helping me to acheive this on a daily basis. Try some meetings & get as much support as you can. You are not alone, Daniella x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I've had experience of newcomers asking 'Do I belong here?' I asked the same question. Generally, why would you be at an AA meet if you didn't feel you had a problem.? Listen to the members and what they tell you. It can be incredibly tough at first, but it's worth hanging around. Take care. Richard
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The past is never over; it's not even past yet. William Faulkner, U.S. writer
Hey Jeff, I can only speak for myself. Your story brings me to a place in life when I was asking the same question. Only I was asking myself so I didn't get an honest answer. I was also by nature a shy person. That changed when I drank. I found my social discomfort fade after a few drinks. I finally felt a part instead of apart. I had confidence in a bottle. After a period of time things started to change. I started to change. Anger was taking the place of confidence. At first only verbal- eventually physical. That was my early twentys. I didn't stop until I was Thirty Six years old. Two familys gone, jail, homeless, suicidal, mental institutions......VERY near death. You may not travel as far down as me. That is up to you. As to if you are an alchoholic-that is also for you to decide. The first 164 pages of the Big Book may help you discern that. I know that many have not had to go that far down the scale. We are a true family who are unconditionally bound. You are always welcome. In Truth, M.
(Sorry for the double post.)
-- Edited by Marc T. at 20:22, 2008-10-01
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False Events Appearing Real
Sometimes one must stand to do the "next right thing"
Hey Jeff, I can only speak for myself. Your story brings me to a place in life when I was asking the same question. Only I was asking myself so I didn't get an honest answer. I was also by nature a shy person. That changed when I drank. I found my social discomfort fade after a few drinks. I finally felt a part instead of apart. I had confidence in a bottle. After a period of time things started to change. I started to change. Anger was taking the place of confidence. At first only verbal- eventually physical. That was my early twentys. I didn't stop until I was Thirty Six years old. Two familys gone, jail, homeless, suicidal, mental institutions......VERY near death. You may not travel as far down as me. That is up to you. As to if you are an alchoholic-that is also for you to decide. The first 164 pages of the Big Book may help you discern that. I know that many have not had to go that far down the scale. We are a true family who are unconditionally bound. You are always welcome. In Truth, M.
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False Events Appearing Real
Sometimes one must stand to do the "next right thing"
A.A. is much more than just not drinking and drugging. It is a pathway to peace and serenity. Comfort within our own skin. True confidence. All we have to do is go to a meeting until we find the one we feel has GOOD sobriety (time meens little)- it is a certain wisdom you will see. And simply ask for help, i.e., will you be my sponsor?. If he says that he cannot-do not be discouraged. Ask another. It may seem uncomfortable to ask. Do it anyway. It is a gift that you deserve. And the only way to go through the steps; and THAT is the only way to obtain and keep the prize! M.
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False Events Appearing Real
Sometimes one must stand to do the "next right thing"
Welcome Jeff! Keep on posting! " But alcohol is obviously affecting my life and other's lives. "
Thats when drinking becomes a problem. I too would say hit a few aa meetings and see if its for you! Im glad I did!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
You are a person I could learn to hate. Why couldn't I ask a question like that before I destroyed everything in my life. Why couldn't I be young and wise instead of young and foolish? mumble mumble ....
All kidding aside.
Welcome to MIB. There has been some good advice given so far. Like what "hills alive" said; try out a few AA meetings a week for 2 or three months, find out who we are, and see if it's for you. Trust me, we don't bite.
Having a problem with alcohol isn't about how much one drinks, but what happens when one drinks.
Kinda like when someone says: "I'm sorry, it was the booze, not me, that made me do/say that."
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Until I know what I'm doing, I'll ask questions from someone who has what I want. If I don't like the answer, it's probably the one I need!
thank you everyone for your advice. I think the best thing for me to do is try a few AA meetings and see what happens. It's going to be really hard, but for the best in the long run.
