Here's what's happened......There's a man in my HG that I've known for over 3 yrs, not sure how long he's been in the program but know he's in the double digits. After tonights meeting he and I talked a while, which we've done many times in the past, he asked about my son, he asked how I was, then he told me about a house he's purchased and was completely remolding, wanted to know if I had time to take ride with him and look at it. We spent about an hour there, then on the drive back he asked if there was somewhere I needed to be and if not would I like to have some dinner. We had Mexican!
I've always enjoyed talking to him, I usually get something out of his shares aaannnnd always thought him to be handsome. I realized after he dropped me back at my car that I was happy, that I had a great time and had not thought of my John once during that time. I was a tiny bit disapointed he didn't ask for my phone number but he did say he wanted me to see the house again as it progressed and "we'll have dinner again."
Now, if my sponsor were available I'd be asking her this, but she's on a boat waaaayyyy out in the Pacific and won't be back for a week. Soooo, figured I'd bring this to the other folks that know me & my recovery. Since my alcoholic ass can't wait......
This man gives me that 'warm fuzzy' feeling & I found myself wanting to be close to him (I didn't want dinner to end) but I'm terrified I'm not ready and I'll just screw it up or I'll again have expectations of someone. Could he be rebound? I've been to dinner with one other gentleman from AA and although I like him I didn't get "that" feeling.
Is it too soon to be 'excited' about someone else? Am I recovered enough to handle a new relationship should it become one? And am I just completely insane (still) for hopeing (at this point) that it DOES become a relationship.
ES&H, please.
(((hugs))) everyone.
p.s. Just so you know, I'm not talking about or even thinking about 'ya know' *wink *wink, this is not about that 3 letter word. I'm NOT ready for that.
-- Edited by Doll at 22:43, 2008-09-12
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Youre just a cute little budgie bird........ As for the wink...wink...stuff?
um...
Im a male..and Im not goin there. :)
My time frame would be likely different then yours.....hehehe
What in the HellOOO is a budgie bird
Typical man answer I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea, as I spoke of 'warm fuzzies' and wanting to be 'close'
Thanks, Phil. Guess that's what I was after, a reminder of 'easy does it.' And I will, but on the other hand my mind is out to get my ass so of course I want what I want and I want it NOW, damn it!
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Budgies, also know as budgerigars or parakeets, are native to Australia. There are many variation of budgies. The most common budgies are the green and blue varieties. However, they come in many varieties, including violet, yellow, white, grey and fancy colors.
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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow?
It might be.
Like Phil said....let things take their course Jen...you deserve all that life has to give, just try to take them slow. "Easy does it" is definitely the way to go.
-- Edited by Sick of being sick at 09:03, 2008-09-13
I know what a parakeet is, but had never heard of a Budgie! Cooool!
Doing my best, Dan. But can't help feeling like a 16 yr old school girl with a HUGE crush! It's been quite a while since I've had those feelings.
I do promise to take it slow and whatever happens (or doesn't) will be OK. I continue to put my sobriety FIRST and refuse to let anything or anyone deter me from that.
((hugs))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hold on to the feeling, and the SLOWNESS of it all, and just enjoy it. DON'T start psychoanalyzing yourself. Don't start projecting "What If's".... STAY in today. We can't "screw up" tomorrow when we are living in today. YOU are "enough". If "IT" does not work out, then IT doesn't work out, and it has nothing to do with YOU. This is not a contest, a race you have to win or a chess game you have to master. One day at a time, and let the past go. Your past relationship was not a failure, it ended right when it was supposed to. It got you to where you are today. A bright, beautiful, charming, self-responsible, hard working woman. Your last relationship was a training ground for better things. And you made good choices with it, and now it is time to take yourself on to today, and see yourself for who you are. You are not someone who "screws things up", you are a woman who makes good choices for herself. And you will continue to do so, one day at a time, regardless of what someone else does or does not do. Savor the uncertainty, and have faith that good things await you in all areas of your life, in God's good timing.
OK, I'm on the flip side here not knowing the "full" story, but it really doesn't matter. What does matter here is how you feel and I don't think "questioning your own recovery" with regards to "do I have enough" fits here as much as you think is does.
The fact that your ARE asking suggests that you are concerned for your "Self" and trying to do what is best for your "Self". And that's half the battle won already. Indicating that "Easy Does It" is already built in to your decision/concern, so let "EDI" have it's way.
Remember, we are social animals and as such we gravitate to others who attract us. But go slow, let it develop like your sobriety.
The best way to the far end of a valley it right down the middle, side trips will only distract you and rob you of energy. And if your goal is to find out what is beyond the valley, you won't know until you get there. So walk, don't run, that way you'll have the energy you need when you arrive to do what needs doing when you reach the end and discover what it has to offer.
OPINION: If he is interested in you, he will respect your "timeline" of how things will/should happen, without asking, but by how you act. If he doesn't then he's interested in the "3 letter word" and by you using the "3 words" you should be able to avoid any embarrassing moments or self destructing after effects.
OK, time for another coffee... CHIMO! Bruce
PS: I have two budgies here, cute as the devil, and love to kiss my nose.
-- Edited by matay at 15:09, 2008-09-13
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Until I know what I'm doing, I'll ask questions from someone who has what I want. If I don't like the answer, it's probably the one I need!
gday doll, if you have known this person in your hg. for three years, then just remember back to the first time you saw him, if you think it was a healthy fuzzy feeling you felt back then, or some other distorted idea that just sprung into your head, because maybe he had a great looking arse, or something else on him, then where ever you are now with him in your thoughts, have been born from you, so just take one day at a time, with everything you do. we cant force the sun to rise any faster than it does, so we have to wait for each new waking day to arrive whether we like it or not, patience in a new relationship, to see where its going to go may take 18 months, approx, and just remember ladies, that men are visual characters, if you dress to tease then you will,if you have a nice body men will notice you more. so the ultimate test i reckon for any man would be to start getting around in just an ordinary dress that doesnt show much of your shape, if he is still showing you the same interest that you know of then he could be the right man for you.
Hi Doll, I am happy to hear you feel that way. It is hard to come by. But I will caution you.
If you still got feelings that are unfinished with your ex be careful. No matter how long you are sober after a break up it can be hard to know what is going on for you emotionally.
If this is true love it will take a while to know this. But worth it to feel it all out.
I know for me that dating is totally not an option not only due to me needing to get sober but also because of my feelings for my ex. And not to say I am in love with him at all. There are just many feelings I have with my ex that I know will take a long time to really resolve.
One time I saw a show and a woman went on a date with some guy and her ex was worried and asked one of his friends about it and his friend said "oh do not worry it is just a rebound" and the ex had a sigh of relief.
And then curiously the ex asked how long a rebound lasted.....and the friend said anywhere from 10-15 yrs! And the ex asked "why so long!!" And the friend said because when you are in a rebound you don't know it until you come out of it."
It has been words to live by for me after the few breakups I had
You deserve those warm fuzzies and the way you are going about this looks very healthy and the 3 letter word is something that can be so much better if love comes into play and not just lust. I see you know that. Good luck and enjoy this time. Rosie
Rosie, thanks for the share. It's funny you too mention 'rebound'. I had questioned myself on that originally and before even reading your post came to the realization the my John was my rebound! that lasted 5 yrs! Guess I didn't know till I came out of it!
(((Hugs)))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
