I am so upset with myself this morning. Went out with one of my best friends who is relocating to another city. Few of my friends know what I am going through (being an alcoholic and being in the program), so last night I had to break the news to her. I tried not to have a drink, but then I started thinking that I'll only have 1, what harm could that do? But 1 became 2 etc . . . . At least I went home this time, and I even made my curfew, but I feel so crap today, I can't believe I did it. I am more disappointed in myself than anything else. I hope that I remember how I am feeling today so that next time if I should get the silly idea of only having 1 drink, I'll remember what the next day feels like.
Try not to beat yourself up about last night. It won't help. I have been where you are right now and wondered why I picked up again. But, I now know that I picked up because I'm an alcoholic.
Chaz, the great news is that you are back here and posting again. Try getting to as many meetings as you can over the next few days and sharing about what happened. Speak with your sponsor about what happened and try to learn from your slip.
You're not on your own. A lot of us have been right where you are now. It does get better. Just hang in there one day at a time.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
The times I relapsed and nothing really bad happened, it still felt as if it were a 'bottom'. Guilt & shame were still the same. AA and booze do not mix.
Don't spend too much time wallowing in disapointment. Get back up and start again. Get to a meeting. I have to attend regularly otherwise this old gal forgets she's an alcoholic. Without that constant reminder, my disease tries to convince me I can someday drink 'normally"
Be thankful you were able to make it back, some never do.
(((hugs)))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Welcome back! I have pretty much stayed away from "wet places and things" and am scared to death what would happen if I got myself in your situation! Who knows, the same things could happen to me! Always a good reminder to us where we dont want to be. You slipped, move on and get back into the swing of things. Now you know what you need to do and what to avoid. We are such fragile creatures ya know!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
You have done the right thing in coming straight back honey, you are so strong. When I did the same thing as you, 4 years ago, I was too scared to come back and ended up back out there until last December and nearly killed myself in the end.
Welcome to MIP, Chantelle. I'm glad you're back & sharing hwat's going on for you. Tapping in here is great support for me & I'm fortunate to be here. Coupled with my meetings & speaking regularly with other alcoholics I'm in good stead to remember how cunning, baffling & powerful my disease really is. It will try every which way to sneak in & get me drunk so I have to build my defences against that first drink cuz tis the first drink that gets me drunk.
I slipped 4 times after two months sober without a program & then eventually I realised I had to do something different & that there was something seriusly wrong with my thinking & that I couldn't keep myself sober ~ I am alcoholic! So, I turned more to the Fellowship of AA & kept asking for help. I went to more meetings & shared where I was, confused, upset, angry, hurt, lonely, helpless yet hopeful. I was fascinated by members in recovery & they seemed to know so much of what I wanted to learn & I got lots of love & reassurance that even tho I didn't always know what was going on for me, they understood & encouraged me often that I was doing well & that things would get better.
I had my first birthday (30th!) sober & I'm now 31. I'm still doing well with the help of AA & life is getting better. I'm nearly two years sober 1st Oct & life without a drink is 100% better than it ever was & I'm even beginning to grow up a little ;) I'm sorry to hear your husband nearly left you but glad to know he decided to support you. It must be hard for him too to know you've taken another drink but sometimes it's so necessary in order for us to learn & you can show him what you've learned. For me, when I took those slips it helped me to realise for myself it was true what members were saying in the rooms.
I was a high bottom drunk & escaped early but it was bad enough as it was for me. I didn't want any of the humiliation a drink meant for me 'again' nevermind reaching any of those 'yets'. It doesn't have to get any worse for me or for you. You sound like you have a beautiful family & everything to live for. There is a life after alcohol & you will enjoy all the fruits of sobriety. It can be hard work & a lot of effort is needed. I put so much effort into drinking how would recovery be any different? But, it is worth it & it's such a fantastic opportunity to learn about & get to know yourself so much more. How you tick & how you may self sabotage.
With so much support & love around us in this fellowship we can face those things & learn how to live a better life without a drink. The best is yet to come, Chantelle. Keep up the good efforts & treasure your desire not to drink. Like me, if you put it ahead of everything else, it's the best thing you have & will enhance the quality of everything else you have. Sobriety comes first & then you're in a better position to be your best for everything else. Easy does it, Chaz :) 1Day@aTime. Enjoy your meetings. It's great to see you posting. Keep coming back too! Love in recovery ~ Daniella x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
