FAITH

            Faith.  A very important word.  We need Faith.  Faith in ourselves.  Faith in a Higher Power. 

            But how does one get Faith?

            You almost have to have faith to get faith.

            Let go and let God.

            A very important datum in the 12-step program.

            But to let go and let God, one has to have faith that God will take care of us.  Letting go can be very difficult.  We are so used to controlling things.  Or trying to control things that letting go is tough.  Try letting go of the steering wheel on your car while on a twisty, climbing mountain road.  Let go and let God.  It doesnt quite work with ones car, but just pretend your Life is that car.  Let go of the wheel and let God take over.

            Whenever I have been able to fully let go of things relinquish control of my life to God, things normally go quite smoothly.  Until I decide that there is something that just doesnt seem quite right and I feel that I need to adjust a few things in my life.  Then after I am done tinkering I usually realize that if I had just stayed out of the way and let God do his work, all would have turned out for the better and I could have just relaxed.

            Relax?  Who ever heard of an alcoholic/ addict type brain relaxing?  There are so many things to take care of.  So many things that need attention that one can never relax.  Right?

            But we have to learn to do it.  Learn how to relax.  Take is easy.  Let go and let God.  One day at a time.

            How important these data are to us!

            Wherever we are seems to be the right place for us to be at the moment to learn about life and ourselves and get better. But to do that we have to ACCEPT where we are right here, right now.  And then, let go and let God take over.

            A while back my whole life seemed in shambles.  I had to declare bankruptcy.  I ended up closing a business I had poured my heart (and all the money I could beg and borrow) into for 3 + years.  My wife, seeing that I was about to head over the cliff got a divorce and I found myself out of work and out on the street.  I took a few days and went back to Ohio to visit my Dad, who was staying in a nursing home.  While I was there I decided that I should move back there. The idea kind of hit me out of the blue but I figured that while I had the chance I should spend some time with him. I figured that I could get work there in Ohio as easily as anywhere else and all would be well.

            Well, it seemed impossible to find work in Ohio.  I did dozens of applications.  Did a number of interviews.  Had companies tell me that all looks good and that they would be in touch, and then to receive a reject letter from them.  I was in despair.  I had to borrow more money from my step-Mom and sister just to pay my bills.  I was in despair.

            Then my Dad suffered another mini-stroke and went into a rapid decline.  He passed away within a couple of weeks.

            Oh my gosh!  I had expected to spend several years with him, not several months.  I realized that while I had been there visiting my Dad earlier that I must have perceived that he was dieing and that I needed to be there and spend whatever time I could.

            And I did!  During those 4 months I spent more time with him than I had in the previous 35 years.  I was there with him when he passed.  It was a sad yet wonderful time.

            And I learned to Trust in the Universe.  Let go and let God.

            If I had not closed my business; if my wife had not given me the boot; if everything else had not been going on, I never would have considered moving to Ohio.  But I did.  When he passed it became apparent why I was there and why I hadnt been able to get work.  I was there for precisely what I had said:  To spend some time with my Dad while I could.

            I realized that my mission in Ohio was done and ended up returning to Phoenix.  I found a place to stay.  I found work within days.  And began putting my life back together again.

            And I learned to trust the Universe (God, Spirit, Whomever).

            Not that it has always been easy.  I have to remind myself to trust, to have faith.  Almost on a daily basis.  But I am getting better at it.  I have more faith than I used to.  It is growing.  That faith.  That trust.  Its scary to let go and let God.  To trust God.  To trust the Universe.  And believe that where I am is exactly where I need to be and to trust and let go and let God do His work.