I am trying to figure out how to place principles before personalities. When our group meets, the meeting ends up being a conversation. no one says hi i'm so and so and i'm an alcoholic, they just start talking about anything, no one focus's on a topic, I don't feel like I'm at an AA meeting. one person dominates the entire hour trying to decide whether to spend his money on an internet romance or on a generator because a hurricane is coming. These just don't seem like recovery topics to me.
I spoke up and expressed my thinking about this and was told, well, sometimes we just need to be there for each other.
How about that, am I being unreasonable to want some structure?
Here's the situation, I only have access to one meeting, literally, the town i live in is that small. I have NO other meeting to go to, it's either work it out, or i have no meetings to go to, except online.
Are you a homegroup member? If you are a homegroup member, or make yourself one, you could perhaps bring it up at the next homegroup meeting, or even propose a new format you can adhere to, like discussing a step a week, or reading a few pages each week from the Big Book, and discussing, and keeping the meeting on topic. It is not a certain way of keeping things "on topic", but becoming a homegroup member if you are not already one could help. I have found that some meetings have structure, while others do not, and it works in both cases, alcoholics getting together and helping each other stay sober, whatever the format may be. Good luck, and let us know how things go.
If the meeting does not change, there is always the options of either just accepting things as they are there, and trying to contribute something from the Program of AA to try to help people who are bringing their life-concerns to the meeting. Another option is, of course, starting your own meeting. Maybe the location where the one meeting is would be willing to allow a second meeting during the week? It only takes 2 people to start up a meeting, and not much else. Perhaps you could ask around and find out if anyone else would be interested in joining you for a more intensive study of the Big Book and the Principles of AA.... I am sure you might find someone interested if you ask around.
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
time to find another meeting. I really like 12 & 12 step meetings and "as bill sees it" book meetings. You're gauranteed to get a good meeting instead of people whining about their boss, bf, other drivers on the road...
Why not start your own group! Find some people that have the same goals as you and just do it! Sounds like you need a variety anyways!
__________________
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
My HG does 1 of 3 things - take the topic from the Daily Reflections, the chairperson asks if anything is threatening someone's sobriety or we have a box of popsicle sticks with topics written on them. Sometimes folks do get overwhelmed in their own personal stuff and get off track. When it happens I or someone else will usually be the very next to speak so we can get things back on track, topic related.
Also, the chairperson reads the 'purpose' of AA meetings -- "subjects related to alcohol' at the beginning of every meeting.
Good luck. I know it can be difficult sometimes. We've got one gal who only wants to bitch and moan about how Social Services has taken her kids away, again! Geeshh.....
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Thanks to all of you for these good and thoughtful suggestions, I can take something from what each one of you has written, very helpful indeed!
We do have one Big Book meeting, Monday nights and thats when this incident occurred, go figure, but we also have two open discussion meetings on Thurs/Friday and it happens sometimes then as well.Doll, I appreciate the reality check that this can happen anywhere with your reference to the broken record you have in one of your groups.I know tolerance is key here, there for the grace of God go I..I like the idea of starting a new meeting. I think this is coming for me.
Smiling back at all of you, from my side of the circle, Deb
If the meeting does not change, there is always the options of either just accepting things as they are there, and trying to contribute something from the Program of AA to try to help people who are bringing their life-concerns to the meeting.
Joni, thank you for this, this is a good thought, acceptance and then sharing what ES & H and i have tried and been patient, honestly. but the person is like a "broken record" and the chairperson, has a hard time detaching and getting this person to stop and it goes on and on. I think I just need a break from the meeting, didn't go at all last week. Sometimes taking a holiday is necessary. I will go back, because in order to keep it i must give it away, and I am grateful that someone was in the room when i walked in.......but maybe by taking some space I'll go back refreshed.
I know exactly what you mean FF...I hate when a meeting deviates from the standard protocol and detours into flaky "group therapy" banter. I'm fortunate to live in a big city with lots of meetings so I just kept looking until I found the right one for me.
Speaking of digressions I have to tell you about the first meeting I ever went to. I called the AA drunk hotline and asked for the next meeting in my area without realizing there were different types meetings. When I got there I discovered it was in an old decrepit church basement which freaked me out a little but I didn't care because I was desperate to stop drinking. I went around through the back, it was dark and creepy and since I was late it was already underway. When I entered the meeting there was only about 11 people sitting around in a circle by candle light talking in hushed whispers like it was a seance or something, again a little weird but I was determined so I apologized for being late and pulled up a chair. I looked around and realized that other than me and one fruity looking guy it was all women and I remember thinking "Nice chick to dude ratio, this AA thing is alright"...then in the flicker of the candle light I started to notice things like giant adams apples, size 12 pumps, lipstick coverd mouths surrounded by 5 o'clock shadow... it turned out that I was at a Transgender Candle Light Meeting. I was a little spooked so I bolted...later I was kind of hurt that nobody realized I was actually born a man said something :(
In my short time in AA, I have been to maybe one of these types of meetings.These kinds of meeting do not, usually, last long.I've sat through cross talking, group therapy sessions, and normally do not go back.
It is the leader's and homegroup member's responsibility to keep things on track. (Topic)My home group has a good group of core members who are vested in the Traditions and meeting decorum.They do not think twice about interrupting someone who is getting off track.Of course they try to do it with love and compassion.
Since you are limited in the number of meetings you have access to, try being part of the solution and ask God to help you and always pray for others.It may not change them, but it does wonders for me.
