Anger is defined as 'a strong feeling of displeasure and, usually, of antagonism.' Resentment, on the other hand, is 'persistent ill will...'
Do you see the difference? Anger is that sudden emotion that overcomes us when something goes wrong, or we think something has gone wrong. You know, someone cuts us off in traffic and we're immediately angry. Or someone is rude to us and our reaction is anger.
Anger turns into resentment when we allow the anger to become persistent. If, when we're cut off in traffic, we allow our anger to grow so we take some sort of destructive action, like chasing the offending driver, we're into resentment. If, when someone is rude, we let that anger simmer so we're having fantasies of revenge, we're dealing with resentment.
Anger is our (mostly) automatic response to a situation; we usually can't control the fact of our anger, but we can control how we behave when anger strikes. Resentment is really a choice - we've decided, on some level, or allowed ourselves to stay angry.
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says "Resentment is the 'number one' offender" (p. 64) with good reason.
A resentment is always about what someone or something has done to us.
A resentment keeps us feeling like a victim.
These are exactly the sorts of feelings that build excuses for slips.
Accept Responsibility
A more reasonable, effective and spiritual response is to accept at least some responsibility for what's happened - even if it's only accepting responsibility for letting anger build to resentment.
As soon as we accept responsibility, we're acting from our own power. As the resentment disappears, we either find the issue wasn't really important after all, or we can begin to take rational, self-supporting steps to remedy the situation.
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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow?
It might be.
I Like that post and should print it out for next month!!!! (the big old PMS thing!)
So here I was, all grumpy this weekend...angry at my man. Anger built up to a resentment so as I stated earlier, was in my silent scorn mode. By the time I grew up enough yesterday morning to apologize for :my part in in" I had forgotten why I was mad in the first place. Ruined the whole weekend because I failed to talk it out or be honest about where I was. Didnt recognize my problem before it just took off like a banshee!
Scary place I was in and that stinkin thinkin could have been a great excuse for a slip!!! Grab the tool belt sister!!!!
Bright side: PMS is over and Im my old happy self again!!!!
-- Edited by lani at 08:40, 2008-09-08
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
