Dating advice

Bryan39 · Senior Member

Dating advice

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Hey man!! Good to see yu!!

Dating sober?

Dont know bout you...but Ive always had this problem with rejection....Its getting better. :)

I believe in complete honesty..and let the chips fall where they may....
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Wait till the morning after tho eh??

Im kidding!! :)

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

Good question - I'm just throwing some thoughts out on this one...(I'm married now, but was 6 years sober when I began dating again after my husband passed away....Unfortunately, I started lightly (hahahaha) drinking on dates, as it was the only way I knew to handle a first date! Being as I'm now on here and acknowledge that I'm powerless over alcohol, this was not a real smart move, starting to attempt to drink like normal folk.

But back to your question....I don't think I'd toss out "I'm an alcoholic" on a first date; when the "have a drink" or "why aren't you having a drink?" comes up, I think I'd say, "nah, drinking is not my thing, doesn't work for me" or something to that effect. If the relationship continues and a real friendship and/or real affection develops, then you can elaborate more and explain that it has caused problems for you in the past, and you are happier without it!.... I just feel that the uninformed might be turned off totally with the blatant "I'm an alcoholic" until you know them better. Just My humble opinion; would love to hear others!

Doll · MIP Old Timer

You'll know when and it'll just come to you on what to say.

I would suggest, when you do approach that subject, be completely honest. Tell her you're an alcoholic. I found that by doing so 1) I didn't start off with lies (just in case it becomes something) and 2) it kept me accountable.

I personally like to tell them (even just new friends) right away. That way if they are turned off or gasp! then I know they are not the one for me.

-- Edited by Doll at 22:55, 2008-09-04

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hey Bryan,

IMO that's some personal information that I'd wait till things get more seroius, to disclose, to avoid a misunderstanding. Don't get me wrong, if asked why I turned down a drink, I'd say that I don't drink. Usually I offer a casual explanation to avoid direct questioning such as "I don't drink it just doesn't agree with my system" or "It just doesn't make me feel good so I do without it". Neither of those raises more inquirey in my experience.

But every time I'd say that I don't drink or that I quit drinking, then the questions would start. "Did you have a problem?" etc... I need to get to know them, like them, trust them and believe that there is a future to the relationship, before I start giving away all my personal information for them to judge me about.

This isn't about honesty or dishonesty, it's about an appropriate place and time to share intimate and personal aspects of my life with someone that I'm just getting to know. It's different than a meeting where we just go in spill our guts. Imo we have to watch that because before you know it, you can be doing that with someone you're dating, and if they're anything like "normal", it's going to be shocking to them.

Have any of you been in a non AA situation and people in the group were taking turns introducing themselves and when it came your turn you said "I'm
john doe and I'm an alcoholic" weirdface

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 10:42, 2008-09-05

Tipsy McStagger · Senior Member

I thought you were gay?

Bryan39 · Senior Member

Thanks for the advice all, and the reminder to be honest above all,

So typsy are you disappointed :p

Doll · MIP Old Timer

StPeteDean wrote:

Have any of you been in a non AA situation and people in the group were taking turns introducing themselves and when it came your turn you said "I'm john doe and I'm an alcoholic"

OMG! Yes! A couple of years back some my company's partners had come to visit our new facility. We're all standing in line introducing ourselves one by one and I reached out my hand and said " Hi. I'm Jennifer, I'm an allllllll, VERY pleased to have you here." Later that week one of our visitors (a man) quietly asked me if I was a friend of Bill W's. I never answered him, I just smiled in a way that he could have taken it as I was saying "yes" OR "WTF?" LOL

zxclord123 · Newbie

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