Hi all, I'm on day 5 after one beer on Saturday; and that was one week after one swig of wine the previous Saturday. I'm NOT getting cocky that I can have that "one beer". I've thought that before. Nor am I beating myself up because I have to start my counting all over!
But - am feeling super and strong, mentally and physically, and the world is beautiful; people are nice for the most part; the ones that aren't do not require my dwelling on them and feeling bitter towards them. Exercising has also improved my outlook, in addition to ridding my body of all the poison and talking to God.
I've conquered my dreaded "going back to work at the office" where I'm certain most know of my "misdeed"; (meeting a client with beer on my breath; having the client complain to my superior; having my license put in an inactive state because of the complaint). I was so ashamed and am still not happy about it nor proud of it!!!. It threw me into a 3 week beer binge - with severe withdrawals when I cut off the beer intake.
But I am back at work for two weeks now; let some gossip and snicker. With my support here and from my local AA group, I have my safe places to let it all out! I hold my head proudly, do my work well, with the confidence and skill I always have. (just can't meet with clients for legal contracts, etc without the active license).
I do plan to discuss with my superior getting my license re-activated. I put time and money into achieving the license. I won't worry about doing that yet; I've set that date for mid month. If she says no, I'm not quite sure what I'll do; perhaps change companies if she says no way, ever; (once a drunk, always???), perhaps get a definite date out of her to prove I can stay sane and sober. Don't know....can't fret about it now. I'm not in control; God is, and he's doing alright by me!
The 'counting' (for me), drove me insane. so, I stopped counting by the days. Made things much easier for me & let off some of the pressure I felt. Just a thought.........congrats on starting over. You can do it.
((hugs))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
"I'm on day 5 after one beer on Saturday; and that was one week after one swig of wine the previous Saturday."
maybe get to a couple meetings this saturday for insurance "meeting makers make it". It was suggested to me to 90 in 90 and did my "90 meetings in 90 days" and enjoyed it so much that I did 1000 meetings in 1000 days right after that. There's something about the comfort level (with your sobriety) and serenity from going to meetings every day (one day at a time ) for months. If I had time to drink every day , I certainly have time to get to meetings. It's an hour a day. I easily waste several hours a day, especially on the internet
you sound great, you can do this, one day at a time, life sober is so much better than any beer or joint i ever sucked on, so keep coming back, this program sure works if I work it!
Keep it up PJ, one day at a time!!! Obviously, your boss likes you and your work enough to have kept you on! Give each other a chance and discuss your options honestly! You both might be suprized! It sounds like your doing well and life does get so much better sober!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Keep the positive attitude. You have the air of someone who really is walking the road of recovery. I wish I were like you!
The fact that you have slipped up and didn't let it get out of control again, shows that you are on the right path. Go to meetings and keep posting here!
What do you mean, "you wish you were like me?", Friday here and a lousy day (but at work, which should be great) but feeling depressed.......nothing to drink nor do I want it....but yet, heavy depression sinking in after all this euphoria from not drinking.... Suddenly, I'm feeling threatened by the thought of numbing it all...BUT AM NOT. Sleep, a good book....read my BIG BOOK. I know the way to go. Can I do it? not sure. I'm feeling weak but not going out of the house this evening; I'm actually working on a monotenous project I started this morning at work; finishing touches on it. blecht.
What I meant was, if I drank tonight, tomorrow would most likely be like armaggedon. Knowing how i am, I would slay myself with guilt and i would be right back where i was. Maybe Im just like every other alcoholic, but making a big life decision like deciding to not drink feels like it has to come after a compelling string of tragedy. I can't drink once more and then say, ok thats enough. Im not sure if that makes ANY sense.
I know what you are saying about moods. Earlier today i felt energized by the fact that i didn't drink last night. And now i don't feel so energized. I've got to stay busy!
let some gossip and snicker. With my support here and from my local AA group, I have my safe places to let it all out! I hold my head proudly, do my work well, with the confidence and skill I always have. (just can't meet with clients for legal contracts, etc without the active license).
