I Hate meetings...I Hate higher powers...I Hate anyone who has a program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering. Allow me to introduce myself, I am the disease of addiction. I Am cunning, baffling, and powerful. That's Me. I have killed millions and I am pleased. I love to catch you with the element of suprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, haven't I? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn't you call on me? I was there, I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I Love to make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. When you can't feel anything at all. This is true gratification. And all that I ask from you is long term suffering. I've been there for you always.
When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things, and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all the good things in your life. People don't take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks, even diabetes, they take seriously. Fools. Without my help these things would not be possible. I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.
More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12 step program. Your program, Your meeting, Your higher power. All of these things weaken me, and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to. Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live I may only exist. But I am here...
And until we meet again, If we meet again, I wish you death and suffering.
~ Unknown Author
-- Edited by Doll at 21:30, 2008-09-02
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Please allow me to introduce myself Im a man of wealth and taste Ive been around for a long, long year Stole many a mans soul and faith And I was round when jesus christ Had his moment of doubt and pain Made damn sure that pilate Washed his hands and sealed his fate Pleased to meet you Hope you guess my name But whats puzzling you Is the nature of my game I stuck around st. petersburg When I saw it was a time for a change Killed the czar and his ministers Anastasia screamed in vain I rode a tank Held a generals rank When the blitzkrieg raged And the bodies stank Pleased to meet you Hope you guess my name, oh yeah Ah, whats puzzling you Is the nature of my game, oh yeah I watched with glee While your kings and queens Fought for ten decades For the gods they made I shouted out, Who killed the kennedys? When after all It was you and me Let me please introduce myself Im a man of wealth and taste And I laid traps for troubadours Who get killed before they reached bombay Pleased to meet you Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah But whats puzzling you Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby Pleased to meet you Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah But whats confusing you Is just the nature of my game Just as every cop is a criminal And all the sinners saints As heads is tails Just call me lucifer cause Im in need of some restraint So if you meet me Have some courtesy Have some sympathy, and some taste Use all your well-learned politesse Or Ill lay your soul to waste, um yeah Pleased to meet you Hope you guessed my name, um yeah But whats puzzling you Is the nature of my game
I know actually how you feel, last year this time I was suffering from deep loneliness, anger, betrayal, I was alone(or so it often felt), broken-hearted having ended a long term relationship. It was hard to believe that things would get better, real hard, but through the support of AA friends who told me that it would get better, I just kept going one day at a time, and some of those days were so hard and long and full of tears, frustration, confusion, painful feelings, sometimes I could hardly, even breathe. But I refused to pick up, I wanted my soberity more than anything.
My AA friends told me these feelings would get less intense and come at me less often, I clung on to that idea as if it were a life buoy keeping me from drowning in my sea of sorrows. And guess, what by George, it worked, it took a few months, but my pain did start ease, and now a year later, I can see how life's possibilities are opening up for me.
My relationship ended because I had learned all I could from him, at the end, we were just spinning our wheels. After the dust settled, and my heart started to mend, I have been able to see how much I learned about myself from my boyfriend, he was a mirror, for me to see.... into me. Most importantly, my last relationship helped me to learn what I do want and what I don't want, in my next relationship. My soberity has shown me that I am worthy of a healthy relationship, and, this is what I hope to attract next time.
I'm sorry to know you are feeling these intense painful feelings, I'm sending you big ((hugs)), know that you are loved and you are worthy of so much more. I promise and so does the BB, it really will get better.
