What my sponsor says, need advise

KLT · Senior Member

What my sponsor says, need advise

Doll · MIP Old Timer

Sponsors are very important in our recovery process, however, I'm trying to figure out why anyone, (anyone), would say cut back on the number of meetings......I say do what works for you..... A meeting is never a bad thing. If you need, like, enjoy 5-7 a week, go!

If she has 'control' issues, then wanting you to do what she wants you to you, is just that - CONTROL...... Have a chat with her. Explain what works for you. Tell her you're confused as her suggestions have contradicted themselves.

Funny, I too, am having a bit of problem with my own sponsor and was just about to start a thread.............

(((huggies))

Rosco · Member

We must remember that sponsors are human beings first. I can't imagine anyone advising not to attend meetings. As you said she has control issues. If meetings are what works for you then by all means do what works for you. I would ask her why such advise?

FindingFreedom · Senior Member

Hi KLT

I agree with Doll and Rosco, a sponsor who advises against meetings? Strange, indeed. I always heard, get to as many meetings as possible.

gracious, what a mixed message......

-- Edited by FindingFreedom at 10:42, 2008-08-30

Dave Harm · Senior Member

My first response would be to ask WHY? My early days were filled with AA. I had a lot of "things" going on and I needed those meetings. I'd go anywhere from 7-10 times a week.

I'm like everyone else, there is no such thing as to much AA...

Creating Dreams, from the nightmares of hell...

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi KLT,

seems odd to me. Are you sure you're not taking her remark our of context. Was she trying to advise about having a more balanced life. One can go to too meetings if some other areas in there life are surffering. maybe you're outgrowing this sponsor. you haven't given us very much information. how much time do the both of you have? If you've got 5 years (or more) sober, I would think that 4 meetings a week would be plenty providing that they were good meetings. I'd have a step study meeting, and a speaker meeting in there. I personally think that a lot of discussion groups turn into whining sessions lol. Do you still "want what she has" serenity wise, lifestyle wise, and otherwise?

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 11:07, 2008-08-30

KLT · Senior Member

Thank you all for your replies.

Dean, she is 12 years sober and I am coming upto 9 months next week. I was really confused when she said that to me as it was only a few weeks ago she was saying I needed more meetings. My life is good since I have been doing more meetings and nothing is being neglected. Maybe its because I have branched off on my own as far as meetings are concerned and found ones that I enjoy that arent the ones she goes to. I really really dont know. I do know tho that when she wants me to go to one of the meetings she goes to and I say no, she will get a bit funny so maybe it is just the control issue rearing its ugly head.

Anyway, i will just carry on with what im doing and if anything is mentioned again, i will question it.

Thanks all

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Whatever you need for you. :)

Returned_Here · Veteran Member

Hi Karen,

I am perplexed as to why your sponsor would advise against you hitting a daily meeting or more if you need that. confused

Honestly, if you haven't worked through the steps and have some good solid lengths of sobriety, it would be my belief that more meetings are crucial.

I am glad to hear you have found some good meetings that you are enjoying. Be careful though that the co-ed relationships in meetings can side track a person. For bonding and building strengths in recovery, gathering ideas and learning from group topics - meetings are wonderful.

I'm glad you reached out to ask some others in recovery about this topic and I hope that you don't back off of the meetings. You asking about it shows good judgement on your part.

And Congratulations on 9 months Karen!

Love & Hugs,
Stephanie

hills alive · Veteran Member

hi KLT the way in which you have descibed your letter shows me that your sponsor, thinks, they have an element of control over you.
its your own decision on how many meetings you decide to go to, and had my sponsor said what they have said to you, i would sack that sponsor and find another one, SIMPLE AS THAT, if a person is going to be a sponsor they need to live up to what AA stands for and thats MEETINGS, MEETINGS, AND MORE MEETINGS, ITS NOT BAD FOR YOU and it lends you to offering service work towards others, whether in the future you become a sponsor your self or not .
AA is a fantastic system to be involved with, when i told my doctor what i was doing in the service work department during my own recovery he also encouraged me to keep going to the meetings as i was helping him too.
but stick with the strengh if your sponsor has no strength then pick another at least 5 years sober or more and preferably of the same sex, cheers and health to you peter. smile

-- Edited by hills alive at 19:15, 2008-08-31