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TysonMike · Veteran Member

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StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

hey Mike, good news that you've decided that you should never drink again. That's something that we wrestle with (the thought that we could, should, or would drink again) as apposed to admitting our powerlessness over alcohol and that we just can't drink safely any longer. When we get serious about this we make a goal to not drink again (one day at a time) and come to terms with what that means for us.

With that said, you may very well be thinking along those lines, but your disease has very different intentions. Your disease was the one who tells you that it's a good idea to hang in bars, play for beers, and smell someones drink. If you had a potentially deadly allergy to poison ivy (or hell let's say eboli) you wouldn't be wafting it underneath you nose to see what it smells like. Believe me, I'm not trying to be contrary for the sake of berating you.
These are classic mis-steps (that I've made and many others have also made) that most often lead to relapse. I tried hanging with my old friends, while going to meetings and relapsed about every 2 months for 2 years.

So while you're mouth is saying one thing, you're feet are doing something totally different. I believe that you still think that this is strickly a matter of will power and that you're the one with the power lol. I'm not seeing you talk much about going to meetings, other than making excuses about work getting in the way of them, but you've got time for tempting fate? Not very impressive btw.

Check out the big book online and read the classic story about the "Jay walker parable" begins on page 37 under the chapter "more about alcoholism" here's a link to it. Check out chapter 5 "how it works" while you're in there

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 13:37, 2008-08-27

TysonMike · Veteran Member

Pete,

I hear what you're saying, and from my post, it makes sense. I smelled his Smirnoff just because I haven't been near alcohol in 26 days. I guess a recovering coke addict wouldnt sniff a bag of coke 'for fun'. But it was an experiment of sorts. I really had no desire and still have no desire to drink whatsoever.

I see people walk around with their pints and think, hmm been there done that, but that's not for me. And I can focus on pool alot better, without the 'liquid confidence.'

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi Mike,

I'm not trying to jinx you, just looking for you so that you might not have to make the same mistakes that I did.

TysonMike · Veteran Member

StPeteDean wrote:

Hi Mike,

I'm not trying to jinx you, just looking for you so that you might not have to make the same mistakes that I did.

Oh no, didn't take it that way at all. You're responses have been very insightful and they are appreciated.

Amother 'tough' situation---good boxing matches...me and my friends usually gather at someone's house to watch a good Pay Per View fight...another...friend invited me to a 25/50 no limit game last night. I might be the worst card player in the world, but the booze would've been flowing, so to save $ and temptation, I didn't go.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

all those things that you're mentioning (playing pool, playing cards, watching pay per view boxing...) I've done all of that with sober guys in the program. Along with playing softball, motorcycle riding, bowling, skiing, going to the beach, live aboard scuba trips, car shows, racing events of all kinds, kayaking trips... We don't hand in our "man card" when join the program. The difference is that we don't have to drink and place ourselves at risk by subjecting ourselves to a drinking environment.

You might be one of the exceptions but most of us that try and hang in with the people, places, and things that we used to drink around wind up getting sucked back into it.

TysonMike · Veteran Member

StPeteDean wrote:

all those things that you're mentioning (playing pool, playing cards, watching pay per view boxing...) I've done all of that with sober guys in the program. Along with playing softball, motorcycle riding, bowling, skiing, going to the beach, live aboard scuba trips, car shows, racing events of all kinds, kayaking trips... We don't hand in our "man card" when join the program. The difference is that we don't have to drink and place ourselves at risk by subjecting ourselves to a drinking environment.

You might be one of the exceptions but most of us that try and hang in with the people, places, and things that we used to drink around wind up getting sucked back into it.

That could be the case since I'm not even 30 days. I feel comfortable at the pool hall (I've been going for years without drinking), haven't been to a bar, because, well, there's no reason too! As far as outings and the like, that I haven't experienced yet, so we'll see on Monday. I'm so out of shape that I'll probably be drinking Gatorade all day instead of beers. biggrin

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

I can see that. A couple of the billiard rooms here in st. pete don't really have a bar per se. It's more about the pool tables. I guess the measure, at that stage of recovery, for me would be where my mind was at. Checking my motives and if I'm obsessing about other people's drinking. Alcoholics will watch other people drink and wonder why they don't finish their drinks or how they can "nurse" a beer for 1.5 hours. Pretty soon they're thinking that they can do that too. Bottom line watching people drink when I'm trying not to is not good. Humans are imitators. We want to fit in, blend it, be liked so we go with the crowd. We also want what other people have. All of that works to your advantage when you're going to meetings and hanging out with successfully recovering people.

Doll · MIP Old Timer

Hmmmmmm...... I find this all very interesting.....MY disease ALWAYS tells me that SOME day I will be able to drink like a 'normal' person. That's why I opt for "just for today" and I stay away from slippery places.

I know you've all heard it before:

"Hang around the Barber Shop long enough and eventually you'll get a haircut."

TysonMike · Veteran Member

Obsessing....riiiiight...You act like I'm walking up to people, asking them 'what are you drinking, is it good?' 'Do you like that brand?' I noticed you assume alot of things about me from DAY 1. You're very condescending with your remarks and holier than thou attitude. You keep acting like you know me and just keep driving new members away with your know it all attitude. I don't care if you've been on the wagon 50 years, you are not the king. (in your mind no doubt you think you are) You are a self righteous know it all and I've had enough of your 'help' disguised by criticism. I'M SURE this is not the first time you've heard all this, and I'm sure it wont be the last. You remind me of that old guy in the corner at the meetings, arms folded, with a condescending remark to everything anyone says.

I know what's coming, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.
Thanks to everyone, esp Rosie and Quetzal. Good luck to all.

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

I'm pleased you made alot of positive noises about changing your habits there, Mike. I'm glad you're nurturing your desire not to drink & only you will know what your particular challenges are going to be. I can only share what my own have been. I learned alot from my slips & I was able to compare them with other alcoholics experiences. They were my slips & as an alcoholic I assume strongly that other people's experiences as alcoholics that I haven't had would lead me to the same too. I go with that thought today as it helps to keep any of my denial at bay & keeps me sober for today. I hope you will keep on coming back. My desire not to drink won't shove me out of anywhere that helps me to stay sober. Wishing you the best in sobriety, Daniella x

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi Mike,

When I stopped drinking I had to make some major changes to my life. I couldn't go anywhere near the old places I used to go to as I was so frightened that I'd pick up again. Even grocery shopping was difficult when I had to pass the alcohol aisle.

But, it does get easier.

I've had a slip in the past and that was when my guard wasn't up and I thought that perhaps I could drink normally again. I now know that this alcoholic can never drink normally again. I couldn't see the point in just having one or two drinks when I was drinking and I know that I'd be the same again.

Sobriety is a wonderful gift and I don't want to lose it.

Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?

Take care,

Carol