I am totally burnt out on my kids and hubby. I don't want to drink...I want to go to meetings. I can't make it because of family. Thankfully, I am fine at the moment. However, I just totally wigged out today. I am back at work...I feel like the world is always on MY shoulders-mortgage, work-kids. I want ot get on a plane and just go sit and read and surf. I can't stand the sight of my hubby and I am just really over my kids...totally! I want to escape.I can't even write this because they are all over me. I know know it is all about attention. But I have nothing to give right now....I cna't even fake it! I am in a really bad mood. The weird thing is, I use to drink to escape and deal. At the moment, it hasn't hit me....but a meeting would be good. I am being a baby at the moment ---I will get over it!
I know that feeling- the weight of the world on my shoulders. I've been told that I am a martyr. I try to keep that in mind these days. Hang in there.
If I wanted to surf today I'd be twice screwed- I shipped my boards to Oahu yesterday in a container with all my stuff and it was absolutely flat as a lake on the West side of the big Island pretty much all day today.
I was feeling like that (all confused and stymied) until my ex moved to Oahu with my son and in the event of some thing that could have been a real bummer I kind of turned it into something not so much a bummer. I put my house on the market (it hasn't sold), shut my company down, began applying for jobs on Oahu and shipped my stuff and my car. Total freakout now and then, as essentially sometime this week I will technically be homeless and unemployed (albeit with a little bit of money to get by on.) But still- I'm freaking 43!
Anyhow- hopefully I will get to surf and paddle over there but right now what I'm looking at is a lot of work behind me and a lot ahead.
I do have a mega-huge list of meetings in Honolulu. Man they have a LOT of meetings. Is there any record yet for like 180 in 90? 360 in 90? I'll bet there is somewhere.
Hi Surfergirl, will hubby not have kids for an hour whilst you go to some meetings or isnt there anybody else you know who could.
We have a young member who lives right opposite one of our meeting places, she is new around and has a one year old daughter. There is a lady in the fellowship who goes over and babysits for her 2 nights a week so that she can get to the meetings but she needs to be doing more so we are all rallying round and trying to help. I am going up this afternoon after my lunchtime meeting to get to know the little girl and let her get to know me so hopefully mum can do more meetings whilst I babysit.
When I first got sober 5 years ago I was a single parent of a child with a personality disorder and nobody would have him whilst i went to a meeting. I ended up back out there 8 1/2 months later for nearly 4 years. I dont want to see that happen to this young girl.
Maybe if you speak to hubby and explain how you are feeling.
Hope you feel better soon and manage to get something sorted.
you're just having a down day, it'll pass. You really can't take these feeling seriously. "Feelings are not facts". That's a great message from my original sponsor. In early recovery you're gonna days like this a couple times a month. We talk about it in meetings, having to just "muddle trudge" through them. "put one foot in front of the other and do the next right thing". It's also good to take a "mental health day". Maybe that means taking the day off from work (and going to a morning or noon meeting) or going in late (ditto) or leaving work early (ditto).
I used to take myself shopping for trivial stuff like used cd's for $5 (I've got 1500 of them that I bought with my "beer money" ). I call that "letting my kid play a little". We need time to ourself and down time to rest and heal. When we were drinking we could drink right over these needs. Now we must listen to our bodies and look for ways to relax and disapate stress naturally. Important question, How much exercise are you getting? We should be getting aerobic exercise 2-4 times a week. that's the #1 treatment for depression. If you get all worked up and don't discharge it somehow, you'll turn in inward and get depressed. Make some time in your schedule for these things. Find some noon meetings to go to and brown bag your lunch to them. Noon meetings are great and you'll find great sobriety in them. Same thing with morning meetings.
that I bought with my "beer money" ). I call that "letting my kid play a little". We need time to ourself and down time to rest and heal. When we were drinking we could drink right over these needs. Now we must listen to our bodies and look for ways to relax and disapate stress naturally. Important question, How much exercise are you getting?