I'm tired

TysonMike · Veteran Member

I'm tired

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi Mike, I wish you could find some peace dear soul. I must say though and I hope you do not get upset that the coffee and Xanax are not good for you.

They are drugs and they will not let you gain the peace you need to feel good about getting sober. Xanax is like alcohol to an alcoholic. And coffee will not allow you to sleep. I know that you may feel that giving up alcohol is all you can work on right now but using those two things will make giving up alcohol a lot harder.

I feel if you can stop those you will see that getting sober will be so much easier. It may not seem so right now but you are suffering a lot right now it seems and giving those up is better than picking up a drink.

Also your family will pay for it also. And you do not want to make those kind of memories. Do you have a doctor that can help you to do something else besides Xanax?

I am thinking of you. Rosie

FindingFreedom · Senior Member

Hi Mike

going to an AA meeting always helps me to feel better. This AA program has really worked for me. I had a rough time in the beginning too. Just had to keep going, I knew I had to stay sober, I wanted to stay sober, I often felt cranky and weird even when I was using so picking up seemed futile, I was gonna feel sick either way, so I surrendered and went to alot of meetings, read the Big Book and called AA members, the phone was my life line.

((hugs)) Deb

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hey TM,

congrats for grunting out 3 weeks of sobriety, you're deffinately in the struggle over going back or moving on. It's so much easier going to meetings for a number of reasons. The tools that you'd pick up and the social aspect. Don't be a martar lol, you can deffinately make yourself miserble by not drinking and hiberating, issolating is the opposite of what you need. Hope you feel better and go check out some meetings.

Doll · MIP Old Timer

Meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings.

((((hugs)))

Jednorozec · Veteran Member

Instead of killing time by forcing yourself to watch TV, why don't you go to a meeting?

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi Mike,

The combo of caffeine and Xanax isn't a good one. And, I have just read that Xanax is only suitable for short-term use, as the medicine has a high potential for dependence and addiction. So, easy does it!

Try getting to some more meetings, Mike. They really will help. We've all been right where you are now and remember how it felt. Just hang in there and don't quit before the miracle happens.

Please keep posting, won't you? We're all here for you.

Take care,

Carol

Buckyfox · Newbie

Mike,

Get yourself interested in some types of hobbies. Anything to keep you from sitting idle thinking of how bad your life is right now. How about Fishing??? You need to keep yourself busy and I mean busy as much as possible. If you are losing weight how about working out and building muscle. Not only will it make your body healthier it will make you feel better about yourself. Get away from the TV. Lots of Garbage on TV. Keep on Plugging my friend. Nobody ever said things were easy but things that are worthy are not to be easy and staying sober will one day make things much better.

lani · MIP Old Timer

So sounds like the main theme of ideas to cure all that ails you is....MEETINGS!!! Im not sure if you have attended any but once again, you cant do this alone, meetings would help....

TysonMike · Veteran Member

Buckyfox wrote:

Mike,

Get yourself interested in some types of hobbies. Anything to keep you from sitting idle thinking of how bad your life is right now. How about Fishing??? You need to keep yourself busy and I mean busy as much as possible. If you are losing weight how about working out and building muscle. Not only will it make your body healthier it will make you feel better about yourself. Get away from the TV. Lots of Garbage on TV. Keep on Plugging my friend. Nobody ever said things were easy but things that are worthy are not to be easy and staying sober will one day make things much better.

My most favorite hobby was shooting pool since I was 17. Wasn't a drinker till about 22 or 23. I found a new poolhall years ago. There was a 'handicapped' tournament (you give up a 'spot' or advantage to a weaker player-ie: I have to win 7 games, he has to win 4). I was the favorite, but I was losing. I got angry, downed 2 Coors Lights in 3 minutes and ended up winning the match and eventually the tourney. I said hey! Drink=better pool! Now I shoot once a week for about 15 minutes cause it's not fun unless I'm buzzed. About excersise, I'm in horrible shape. I used to light spar at a friends garage, but now I'd just rather watch boxing than participate. I have no energy. I played drums from 11-17 years old, but I have no interest in that anymore. Life is work, sleep and not much else these days. F#*k it, I'm gonna go to that meeting a few (actually 10) blocks away at lunch. Because an old Friday would be drink til I wake up in the hospital and it's really not that fun biggrin

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi Mike and all, I know TV has a lot of junk on it but there are also other shows that have people like Wayne Dyer who speaks of healthy spiritual things and ways to handle life plus fishing shows etc. And also pool tournaments for that matter.

But all in all dear soul the Xanax and coffee are drugs and I feel your body does not know which end is up due to those as you get sober. Meetings are a good way to go and will make a huge difference for you as we all find out even though we may fight it.

Good luck Mike. You can do it. Rosie

hills alive · Veteran Member

gday mike.
listen mike it doesnt matter whether we are in your state of mind or 10 years sober and getting rattled by pressures surrounding us over even a week, if people isolate and try and solve anything in life alone without any spiritual tools then they are prone to failure, and another difficult period of time ahead.
you ,myself, and members of these pages have got it lucky the meeting is the key and it will always be the key, as no meeting is the same.
when we isolate ourselves we rob ourselves of the joys described on these pages that are mentioned just in the last 48 hours, so just go in the future you will be encouraging others to do like wise as you will know why that is so.
cheers and have a great day......peter. smile

KenPDX · Newbie

Hi, Mike.

You've touched me with your honesty. Thank you for sharing your pain. I've never been painfully hung over after a Friday night binge, but I know I binge and I know I binge more now than ever before. I know that I have to correct this and I know that it will not be easy. I thank you for sharing your feelings and your hurts and your struggles here. I found this site by accident - maybe providence. God bless you. You may never know just how many people you touch. You need to know that you will touch many people and will help some of us.

TysonMike · Veteran Member

KenPDX wrote:

Hi, Mike.

You've touched me with your honesty. Thank you for sharing your pain. I've never been painfully hung over after a Friday night binge, but I know I binge and I know I binge more now than ever before. I know that I have to correct this and I know that it will not be easy. I thank you for sharing your feelings and your hurts and your struggles here. I found this site by accident - maybe providence. God bless you. You may never know just how many people you touch. You need to know that you will touch many people and will help some of us.

Wow, that's a little overwhelming! But if you can gain anything from my posts anf this forum, that's great! Day 22 smile

And I think I can get some real sleep for a change

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

TysonMike wrote:

KenPDX wrote:

Hi, Mike.

You've touched me with your honesty. Thank you for sharing your pain. I've never been painfully hung over after a Friday night binge, but I know I binge and I know I binge more now than ever before. I know that I have to correct this and I know that it will not be easy. I thank you for sharing your feelings and your hurts and your struggles here. I found this site by accident - maybe providence. God bless you. You may never know just how many people you touch. You need to know that you will touch many people and will help some of us.

Wow, that's a little overwhelming! But if you can gain anything from my posts anf this forum, that's great!

TM, you've just realized how this program works. We all benefit from each other's sharing of their "experience, strength, and hope". You're keeping me sober by reminding me where I came from, and the pain that I don't want to experience again

.

TysonMike · Veteran Member

Again, I don't know what to say! That makes me feel good knowing I'm helping (??? who would have ever thought!) others. Gotta be honest...almost slipped yesterday at the pool hall.... I walked to the bar area and asked out loud to the bartender if I should have 1 beer....he said 'hell no mother_f$#@%! you just did 3 weeks, here, have a Coke on the house'. That was cool of him. Damn, my stroke is 1/3 of what it usually is when at least buzzed....anyway, I didn't get the Big Book yet, but they gave me a little yellow book called Living Sober. 86 pages, read through it 3 times and some of the stuff they touch on is so true it's like it was written for me personally. I guess 'it' (the disease) really is universal and it's good to know I'm not alone in this struggle. But I feel stronger every day and will get through this!

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi TM,

Until you can get a copy of Big Book here's where you can find it online. It really is so good to be able to read it, I wouldn't want to be without mine.

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

Take care,

Carol

harley2000 · Member

I am glad to hear you are feeling stronger, It does get better, keep going to those meetings and talking to others, I only have 6 days sobreity and I feel like I could chew on nails right now, but I know this program works if you work it and you are not alone, you will find lots of support in the rooms of aa and here and thank-u for sharing, I can relate to some of what you are feeling and your right, it does make you feel better to know other people understand and have walked in these steps, It does make you feel not so alone in this. Keep on sharing, it helps you and others around you.

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi Mike, Thank God for good people who care about you not to give you a drink. It will get better for you as you get sober. It takes at least 30 days to get out of habits and you are closing in on it.

Hang in there and all those painful moments will be like a nightmare that passes with the morning light.

You have helped me a lot also. I want you to know that. I hear your pain and it helps me to deal with mine and to know it is okay to feel like I do by reading your posts and to see you so convicted to getting sober no matter what helps me to stay with my own convictions to stay sober.

Have a great day. I hope you are getting more rest. Rosie

TysonMike · Veteran Member

Rosie wrote:

Hi Mike, Thank God for good people who care about you not to give you a drink. It will get better for you as you get sober. It takes at least 30 days to get out of habits and you are closing in on it.

Hang in there and all those painful moments will be like a nightmare that passes with the morning light.

You have helped me a lot also. I want you to know that. I hear your pain and it helps me to deal with mine and to know it is okay to feel like I do by reading your posts and to see you so convicted to getting sober no matter what helps me to stay with my own convictions to stay sober.

Have a great day. I hope you are getting more rest. Rosie

He's a good guy. He always knew when to cut me off when I had too much. Like when I took my pants off and was shooting pool in my boxers. I'm talking a very crowded Friday night. Thing is, he took them and hid them for an hour! biggrin

I even went out on the street and smoked a cigarette. Then another friend took pictures and put them on his myspace. Though this was about 2 years ago and I was sloppy drunk, I remember thinking 'this is really not a big deal'-it's a little hot in here.'

Anyway, I'm glad the posts are helping people, the reason I guess why we all joined---to get help----it's just I don't see how?? confused Whatever it is, it goes both ways. I've gotten great advice, particularly from Rosie and my sweetie Quetzal aww

-- Edited by TysonMike at 19:47, 2008-08-23

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi Mike, Playing pool in your boxers reminds me of things I used to do drinking. I have always been a basically shy woman but when I was younger and drank I did things that was so different from who I was sober.

In my old age drinking here though I have been very conservative and isolated doing so.

You know the way you help is to be so honest with where you are at and how you write about it. Also to see you striving so hard and maintaining your job and being so conscious of the need to change is very heart warming.

You are a good person and I know you will come out of it all and be better for it. I have a son your age who struggles and so I feel a bit motherly. And you have taken my posts well. Take care and keep up the great work. Rosie

TysonMike · Veteran Member

What nice things to say...again I don't know how to react! It's amazing how complete strangers can get along and develop hopefully long friendships/support so quickly! Over something so vile, the more I look and think about it objectively. Hmm easy to say since I'm stuck at home on a Saturday night...but I'd rather be here than at some dopey overhyped trendy club with girls... hot girls....why am I stuck at home

I kept falling asleep for a few hours and waking up maybe 4 or 5 times throughout the day. I felt like Grampa Simpson... Rosie, your comments are heart warming and I enjoy reading your posts. aww

-- Edited by TysonMike at 22:46, 2008-08-23

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi Steve, I have been on forums for a couple of years and have dear girlfriends who I speak to in emails and on the phone. They are as dear to me as if I met them in person. I never thought back when that I could ever have such nice relationships over the net. But I look forward to my friends and thank God for them.

I wanted to comment on the bars. I had gone out to bars when I was young and all that ever came of it was a lot of partying and oblivion with no real meaning between myself and others. Just a big blur of nothingness. And yes hot guys but nothing meaningful.

I am glad you got some sleep today. I like Grampa Simpson! Bart always reminded me of my youngest son and Homer looks and acts like my sons Dad. His Dad and I are friends and have been divorced for many years. Very comical man.

I know it is hard to be at home on a Saturday night and be a young man. But I feel you were not happy out there and are looking for a deeper meaning.

I have had a hard time being alone and one reason I had been drinking but it feels better to be sober and alone than drunk and alone even when I ventured out once in a while to the nearest pub. Still lonely.

If I do not have me it does not matter where I am or what I am doing and if I add booze I am totally alone because I do not even have myself if I drink.

Take care. I feel very proud of you. Rosie

-- Edited by Rosie at 00:03, 2008-08-24

TysonMike · Veteran Member

It was ok. I fell asleep again, but woke up just in time to catch the USA beat Spain in basketball. That kept me up til 5 am and I woke up 30 min ago. Something weird is happeneing that I don't need as much sleep. It's the getting older thing, or the non drinking or both, or none, I don't know. I used to sleep in til 4 or 5 pm on the weekends. People are like cats? The older we get the less sleep needed? Or is it the opposite?

All I know is I'm less infatuated with alcohol each day that passes. There was some Bud Light commercial with like 100 guys sharing 1 room. I wasn't paying attention, but the fridge was full of Bud Lights and normally like Pavlov's dog I would go have a beer, but I was not interested at all and even if I was, it wasn't enough to walk to the store.

"even when I ventured out once in a while to the nearest pub. Still lonely."

I know that feeling. Mindless conversation with strangers, sometimes none, just staring down at your glass/bottle. There's 'F', the 80+ year old lady who always reminds me everytime she sees my watch that she used to model diamonds "just like those" back in "the cave days" "you young people"...awww now I miss her..I haven't seen her since I quit 3 weeks ago

-- Edited by TysonMike at 08:52, 2008-08-24

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi Steve, Yes the older people get the less sleep is needed it seems. I know for teen agers they tend to need more sleep due to hormones. And I think as we get older our bodies change hormonally and also our lives change and habits.

I know I am feeling good and because of no alcohol in my system I am not so full of toxins that can make a person tired. And when we pass out of alcohol we do not sleep. So our bodies need to sleep even though we think we have already.

Old people are like libraries who talk. I cleaned a home back when for a man who was 103 yrs old. He said he stopped drinking at age 92 yrs old. I would fix him lunch with a cup of tea and he would tell me all kinds of stories. I loved it! I was hanging paper on his walls one day and he came out and told me he used to be a paper hanger and I got intimidated by his expertise and his hints.

I learned a lot from him. He fell at age 106 yrs old and died. Very nice man. He had 18 children and was out living most of them.

It is so nice to be able to not have the pull to drink like you with the commercial. And today is a beautiful Sunday that you can have your pick of what you want to do and just enjoy this day.

I got up at around 7:15 am and fixed some photos in frames for my Mom. A photo of my Mom and Dad's wedding photo in a nice new frame and of my Step Dad standing between two beautiful dancers in Las Vegas. He is a very nice man who is very healthy and shy. But my Mom and he were there and she made him stand there. It is cute.

I am going to post here and then get ready to go to the store and take a ride up to my Moms to give those to them after they get home from church. It is a beautiful day here in Vermont. I am blessed.

Enjoy your day dear soul. Doesn't it feel good to think of how you would feel today if you drank as opposed to not drinking. And financially you got the money you would have spent. And your health. Take care and keep up the great work. Rosie

TysonMike · Veteran Member

Old people are like libraries who talk

I lol'd when I read that. Mostly because it's true.
Maybe it's just this weekend, but I'm feeling really positive. 23 days isn't a lifetime, but I feel confident that I can make this last. It's those damn bars that I don't know if I can kick. And smokes. But 1 at a time I guess. Have a great day!

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi Steve, It takes 30 days to kick a habit or at least get it at bay so the bars may be a habit that will subside as you go. And the cigarettes are another matter that people are told not to try to quit when they are going through other things.

I have never smoked cigarettes and feel lucky. But I do feel for people who do and want to quit.

I had gone to the bars this past year or so off and on and for about an hour each time. Because I would normally go to do shots after drinking beer all day. So I got a taxi and came home before I passed out.

And I did so due to the lonliness I felt as I drank. And it became a habit even though I did as you say and just sat looking at my shot glass maybe talking to people here and there but still alone.

I always had this feeling that something spectacular was going to happen. But all that ever happened was I felt like an idiot the next day and money was spent that bothered the hec out of me.

And I felt more lonely longing for something better. A vicious cycle.

It is habit and we as humans have a hard time not to do the same things over and over again expecting different results as they say. And it is hard for us to self care. Negative is easier and a cognitive short cut to things that are not good for us. Positive is harder work.

I feel as you go you will replace the bar scene with something else that you will enjoy and that is healthy and that will become your habit and a good one. I know for me I have got plans to do more and I am excited about it.

I have done a lot in this past two weeks sober already but I want to do somethings I have been wanting to do and only dreamed of while hung over.

Have a great day! Rosie

TysonMike · Veteran Member

Whoops, when I said bars, I meant the xanax! The white 2 mg 'sticks' or 'bars' as they are known. They are very addictive, probably more mentally than anything. I'd like to get rid of all 3, the drinking smoking and xanax but I might really go crazy.

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi Steve, Well though the bars are hard to kick the habit of also......

Xanax can depress you and is like alcohol to the alcoholic. When we drink our central nervous system gets all out of whack and that is why we have a hard time with our nerves.

You may want to wean off the xanax with the help of your doctor. You may have felt nervous and anxious when you first started to get off the booze and may have felt the need for those but it was part of the detoxing and by now your system should be fine.

I really feel that you will feel better psychologically off those pills if you give yourself a chance. I know it feels like you may go crazy but those are like alcohol to us and will make you feel crappy like the booze does.

The cigarettes are the least of your problem between the two. And as I say I never smoked but I do believe the xanax is worse for you right now.

I feel you are working very hard and are very aware of yourself and will make the right decisions for your health and well being. God bless Rosie

KenPDX · Newbie

So TM. How have you been since these postings? What have you been good at and what have you wished you were better at?

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hey Ken, welcome to the board. Tysonmike hasn't been back here in quite some time. At least 6 months.