I have been dating a girl for about a year. The night I met was at a bar and she was as drunk as can be knowing that I was coming to meet her. But for whatever reason I have grown fond of her in the past year. Well I have no longer been able to put up with the antics that come along with the drinking. She has anxiety, insomnia amongnst other things which affect her from the drinking. I have told her that I need a break from this and she told me that instead of abadoning her I should help her. I know she can only help herself. My mother was a manic depressive person who also turned to alcohol before committing suicide by drinking and taking medication. It seems for some reason I am attracted to people who are like my mother was. I always think I can help these people. Can I get away from being attracted to people like my Mother???
buckyfox you can but a qualified counselor is the person to see , and why not take your girlfriend with you. many men and women marry their fathers and mothers around the globe in the context your writing about , the situation can be unravelled so that the marriage can cruise along in a normal fashion so to speak. cheers peter.
Understanding it was 1/2 the battle for me. Once I understood 'why' I chose the particular friends and S/O, then I could work on change........wikepedia gives an awesome 'definition' of co-dependency, maybe it will help you. I also read Melanie Beatie's CoDependent No More, there was a a lot of insight in that book for me. There are 12 step programs for codepents and as mentioned 1 on 1 with a counselor who specializes....Will you always be attracted to this type? Probably, but you can learn to make better choices. It's not hopeless but it will require work.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependence
-- Edited by Doll at 05:51, 2008-08-22
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hi Buckyfox, These kind of women are familiar to you and it is easy to use the tools you have developed to deal with them but now you may be tired of having to.
Enabling and helping are two different things. The way to help her is to tell her to her where the phone is and suggest she call AA herself and you will support her recovery but not do it for her.
And because of being with her and after going through what you have with your Mom YOU need to take care of yourself by going to seek help in counseling and Al-anon.
You may have a chance to change things if this girl is willing to step up and get well herself without putting the burden on you. Put the boundary and she will make it herself dear soul.
Give her this site if she wants to come on we would be happy to support her while you go get much needed time with yourself and to find a way toward your own peace in all of this. Take care Rosie
It's all familiar territory with your IC!! Iknow....I am attracted to people who are a cross between my ma and pa! Believe me, it is a bad mixture. But it is also comfortable and dysfuntional for me as well.
