so I have a question and not sure if this website can be used for questions but its aa related..
So how far into sobriety is it ok to become friends with your sponcer or not even friends We are all friends but like hang out go shopping together ect . cause when I first got sober and I call all the time with questions and just trying to get help not picking up a drink she would say that I cant call all the time because we cant be friends untill I start working the stepps and try to call other people before her dont always rely on her. Im confused what does that mean I think I know what it meant but not sure mabee it meant that because I was so unstable she was being carefull not to let my feelings open up her emotions and cause her to drink?. I dont even know why im worried about something that happened 6 months ago but im wanting to know because now shes bringing up the suggestion that we go shopping together and she is involved in parts of my life that are no way aa related like sitting at the hospital while I have surgery and takeing care of me while im in the hospital ect. I dont even know where im getting at I guess old questions I had that I never asked about when they occured and its hitting me now. WE had a really emotional meeting today mabee its cause of that. If you could answer my question tho that be great. I duno they say we arnt supossed to get attached to our sponcer or sponcee but its hard not to sometimes shes even said to me she can't help but get attached and love me. I duno is there anything wrong with having a sister type love for your sponcer.
Mine is not only my sponsor but she's my friend. Which is what this alcoholic needed......We talk AA and she is awesome at guiding me, but we also have lunch, go to the movies, go to the lake, etc and just hang out. We chat on the phone almost daily, sometimes about nothing other than life in general. My sponsor is a good example of 'giving back'...... I LOVE my sponsor and even better SHE loves ME.
Welcome to MIP girly
(((hugs)))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
My sponsor is now my friend and confidant. But, in the early days of my sobriety it was strictly sponsor/sponsee. And, that was exactly what I needed. I needed to know that somebody would give me a kick in the butt if I wasn't working my program to the best of my ability. And, for this alkie, I needed to have distance between myself and her to accept that kick! Now, we're really good friends and would do anything for each other.
It was the same with my sponsee and how we worked together at first. Now, we're good friends.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
For me, I couldn't take a kick in the butt from a friend no matter how badly I needed it. Friends tried it time after time when I was drinking and I wouldn't listen.
But, I would take it from someone that I respected but felt a little cautious around, even though I'd grumble and complain like hell about it. Now, my sponsor and I are good friends, but in the early days I didn't want/need a friend. I needed her to be the 'boss'.
We're all different, but that's what worked for me.
And, I do feel slightly guilty when I have to kick my sponsee's butt 'cos I like her so much.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
thanks for the advise ya for me im the type that needs a friend and a boss in one if that makes sence but I wont tell any one anything unless i fel really close to them which i felt close with my sponcer fromm the day she introduced her self. and now I guess were friends you could say i mean shes there when i go to the hospital to keep me calm but also to controll me cause I get bossy with drs after surgery cause im a nurse and a no it all so she is both my boss and my friend but I also rely on her like if she wasent there Id probably have a heart attack if I could never see her or talk to her again. So I was just tryin to figgure out if thats ok cause some people say you cant have a relationship with your sponcer which makes verry little sence cause you need someone you feel close and confortable with in order to tell them what has gone on in your life.
Perhaps she just wanted you to reach out to other women besides her! If we only call our sponsor and no one else, we are missing the wonderful chance to get to know other people and start trusting other people.
I have good girlfriends but tended to isolate which was the worst thing I could do. Bu getting other peoples phone numbers and actually doing things outside AA, I have learned alot about myself and the women in my life. Im learning that Im not alone and the yucky stuff I did in my past is really not that uncommon!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
gday girly. i agree with lani when i sort out my sponsor i allready knew a number of other older members who had been sober a long time as i was told to reach out to the strength in the meetings besides the higher power of course. im from adelaide south australia, and when i started iarmed my self with a meetings book and noticed there were meetings all over the city and outskirts that i could get to on the bus, tram, or train, lets face it i used to drink all over adelade in pubs so i replaced that with going to meetings all over the city everyday as i was unemployed and had plenty of time, i went to meetings at night as well, each meeting i went to i spoke to someone i knew who was at least as wise as my sponsor, so to speak. i found my sponsor 16 months into sobriety and another 2 years after that my sponsor employed me as one of his house painters as that was a past trade of mine. so it pays to find at least 3-6 other older wiser members to tune into with but just talk to them at meetings and cruise along and be kind to your self and others .cheers peter.
I duno they say we arnt supossed to get attached to our sponcer or sponcee but its hard not to sometimes shes even said to me she can't help but get attached and love me. I duno is there anything wrong with having a sister type love for your sponcer.