my names eric... i've been drinking everyday for the past 6 months....and most people drink to forget their problesm...but i drink to feel. just to feel these emotions thats havve been in me but wont come out..i used to do druggs but i cant do that so i switched to drinking...and now i drink to feel sadness and stuff that wouldnt come out otherwise.......i recently messed up with the law and and stuff and i think i've finally realized that i cant do this alone. im so scared and i dont know wuts goin to happen next. im not a religious person at all...i dont even believe in the concept of religion but the other nioght, i was driving and i broke down. i said if there is a god, please help me. i cant do this because i need sumthing to help cuz this bottle isnt doin it anymore..........i dont know.. i want help but at the same time im scared to let this go... im mean fuck...im drunk as im wirting this but i dont kno wut to do anymore
Hi Eric, I am Deirdre and I have only been on this forum since Monday and the people here have given me so much encouragement, that last night I didn't even think of that beer!!! I am going to my first meeting tonight and I am really excited, why don't you get on that phone and call your nearest AA and get to a meeting like me, together we can help each other. Hang in there and take care!! 4 days and counting!!
Welcome to MIP. It's a great place to be and everyone is just great and really helpful.
I was so very scared when I started going to AA. But, the alternative of not doing anything and carrying on drinking scared me even more. So, I contacted AA.
You can find their local 'phone number in your 'phone book. There will be another recovering alcoholic on the other end of the 'phone and you can talk to them about how you are feeling. They will fully understand as we have all been right where you are now. You're not on your own.
Then, I'd suggest going along to a few AA meetings. You'll meet some truly wonderful people you will offer you all of the help, support and advice that you can want.
For this alcoholic I couldn't stay sober without my meetings and I really enjoy them now. Please give them a try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Welcome Eric! First know that you are not alone and we have all been where you are right now! Believe me, we understand!!!! The prayer you said is the absolute best thing you can do! I said the same prayer in desperation and it just gets better each day. I too drank so I could cry. i was so numb to my feelings and drinking let me feel some stuff too. But now when I need to cry I call out to God. NOT religeous God, just the small still voice I hear in my head. My conscience you could say. Anyway prayers going up for your healthy recovery. Put the plug in the jug and just take it one day, one minute at a time. Lots of love to you! Allison
Welcome Eric! Great suggestions from everyone and I would encourage you to hit a few aa meetings and give it a try. I too was full of fear and just didnt want to give up drinking....I would miss all that heartache of disappointing my family, losing my job, possibly getting in trouble with the law! How could I lose all that!!!! lol It does get better....Admitting we have a problem and that our lives are unmanageable is the first step!!! Good luck! Try not drinking just for today....
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Hi Eric, I totally understand what you mean that you drink to feel emotions that you have a hard time feeling. I too always carried my feelings in such a way that nothing could bring them out. Back about 16 yrs ago someone in AA played a movie that EVERYONE cried over and I was blank.
It appalled the lady who was sponsoring me at the time and I had no clue as to how to feel like others. I had also just had a devastating car accident hitting a telephone pole that put someone I love very much into the hospital for months. And he almost had died.
Just this past week I am truly feeling and I have only been sober 9 days after drinking almost nonstop again for over a year and and half. I have been sober off and on since age 28 yrs old.
About 12 yrs ago I was able to start coming into my own and by 2000 I was in a wonderful happy place but I got involved with someone who really did a number that brought me down. But I was able to feel my life until the relationship progressed and I got sick.
I am realizing that realizing that I do not want to live this way anymore and also the pain that goes with that breaks the shell of my understanding (Kahlil Gibran on pain) and I am able to really feel now.
You are on the right track toward what and how you want to be and feel. Once we put our mind toward what we want in life it can happen. All we got to do is take each minute, each day toward what will make that happen. And you have already started in your desires to stop the madness.
Here is Kahlil Gibran on Pain:
On Pain Kahlil Gibran
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy; And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields. And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity: For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen, And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.
Take care dear soul. You deserve so much more and you will have it by the stand you are taking. Rosie
PS I want to clarify the drinking part of Gibran. Drink the pain and not the booze!
Welcome to this Board, everyone is so helpful here, glad you wrote.
I really can relate to how you are feeling today. My drug of choice was weed and I smoked ALOT of it everyday for 2.5 years, by the end I felt like you do, and I did exactly what you have, I asked God to help me. I just couldn't take it anymore, I had a terrible cough, I was way overweight, the weight was mashing my feet so it felt like my arches were collasping, I knew I couldn't do it alone. On March 27, 2007 I went to an AA meeting, I have been going ever since. The people in the meeting were just like me, and just like you, they had used alcohol and drugs abusively, some to feel, some to not feel.
I discovered that AA is not about religion, it's about a spiritual program, BIG difference. I was pretty ticked off at God when i got to AA, but AA helped me understand there is a difference between religion and spirituality.
Try an AA meeting, Hang in there Buddy, I'm saying prayers for you. Deb
Welcome to MIP, Eric. I'm glad you mentioned drinking to help you feel as I can relate to that alot. It's the first time I've heard someone say that & I've been attending meetings for 2yrs. I was afraid of my feelings at times & I didn't trust how I felt about things because I hated myself. Drinking gave me permission to do, be, say, behave & act out in lots of ways I thought I wanted but really I was destroying my own soul. I've been learning how to live sober with the help of AA & I can now even accept, learn & understand so much more about my feelings & that not only am I allowed to have them but that they can tell me alot of what I need to know about me.
Feelings are great & though in early sobriety you may feel, numb, confused, up & down like a roller coaster, it does get easier & you begin to recover who you really are, without the drink. It's an amazing journey. Thankyou for your honesty. You have helped me today in a way that no one has touched on before. Thanks for helping me open up to something that is particular to my own alcoholism. There are many more of us here each with our own stories to tell & though we can be so similar, we can be different too. Your expressed difference here helps me to feel the same again & in new ways. Thanks for helping me to wake up to something new in me, Daniella x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
eric my name is peter find yourself a detox unit some where there they are like mini hospitals that know exactly what to do with a person in your condition, they are designed to detox people from all sorts of substances. while your there some one may approach you and ask you if AA could be of help to you, thats what happenned to me in 91 now im thankfull i didnt detox alone cheers peter.
