Self Detoxing

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

Self Detoxing

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hang in there PJ, You'll feel better tomorrow.

Dean

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

The shaking is making it even hard to type. It's embarrassing and one can't go out like this. so, this is normal, and just hang on? Milk and good food do help some - I'm in good shape and heath otherwise, like healthy eating, and working out - so this just insane! Moving around does help alittle. The house is getting very clean - I'm trying to keep a "sense of humor" thru this nightmare as I shake and sweat.

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi PJ,

Welcome to MIP.

You sound really determined to stay sober and that is a great start.

You mention that your doctor wouldn't give you anything to help with the detox. If you were completely honest with him about how much you drank then you'll be fine. Just hang in there and it will soon to start to get better for you. If you weren't honest with your doctor about the amounts that you drink, then it would be a good idea to go back and talk with him/her honestly and then see if you should be prescribed anything.

Have you checked out any AA meetings in your area? For me, I couldn't stay sober without the help of AA and all the wonderful people I have met there.

Just hang in there and it will start to get better for you.

Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?

Take care,

Carol

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi again PJ,

Here's a link that you might find handy right now.

http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/withdraw/a/aa030307a.htm

Take care,

Carol

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

I was semi honest with the DR (well, I couldn't speak to the doctor, but I did open up to one of the assistants or the receptionist. Who knows, you may know how doctors are these days and you don't get much personal attention. BUT is was only beer and light beer at that, so I did not realize it could put me into this detox mode - but NO MORE. Yes, I am checking out the AA meetings in the area. It's a VERY SMALL town and I'm used to bigger towns (San Diego and Atlanta). So, it is also humiliating because everyone knows your business which I hate. I feel I should be wearing a BIG A on my shirt when I go to the grocery store. Just venting here; I'm a newbie.

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

That is a good link; I'd read others and some scared me to death; but I not hallucinating - just the anxiety and shakiness and insomnia. I'll keep eating and drinking water and juices! So what if I gain and pound or two! My life depends on it now. I will keep posting and hopefully tomorrow, the symtoms will have subsided somewhat and I'll find me an AA meeting! Thank you.

Dodsworth · Senior Member

PJ Tucker- When I decided to quit, I couldnt do it on my own, and everyone around me said not to do it on my own. It is potentially dangerous. I went to a detox center where I received meds to keep me from having a seizure. Everyone's withdrawal is different. In the first 30 hrs I had minor hallucinations, like colors being different and had the sensation of bugs crawling on my skin. My shakes were the worst on day 5, but yours may subside by then, who knows. Two guys died in my detox center while i was there and one had a seizure even with the medication. I'm not trying to scare you, but if you start getting real bad, seek medical attention. I give you credit for being strong enough to tough it out though, I sure wasn't ;)

Good luck!

Dods

-- Edited by Dodsworth at 15:32, 2008-08-15

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

Thank you! That is what has concerned me; I was "only" drinking beer, so I didn't think there'd be much "detox" feelings - but the shakiness, insomnia, and sweating have had me worried. I've been listening to AA Tapes I found somewhere around this website all day, as I've toughed it out by mainly staying active and cleaning house. (exercise feels good). The middle of the nights are the tough part though; I guess your blood sugar or something drops? And mornings are hell. I've taken melatonin to help me get to sleep and advil PM to help me stay asleep and that has seemed to help. Again, I wonder if those meds could be dangerous with the detoxing affect. I do know sleep makes it easier than laying awake worrying and hating yourself smf beating yourself up all night. I will be at meetings soon! Thank you all.
How much and what were you drinking when you detoxed?

KLT · Senior Member

Hi PJ,

I detoxed myself too, in bed, in the house on my own. It took me about 4 days tobe able to so much as lift my head off the pillow without dry wretching and going dizzy or to be able to actually walk to the toilet. I couldnt keep anything down either. In the days leading up to getting sober and detoxing, you name it I drank it. Red wine, cider, white wine, bacardi, jack daniels, lager, vodka etc etc and I also snorted grams and grams of coke. I only stopped drinking and snorthing coke when I passed out and then an hour or so later I would come round and carry on. After 4 days I was able to get down the stairs and get a little food into me. My house looked like I had had a party for nearly 2 weeks after I got sober, I just couldnt possibly do anything at all.

Stick with it, you will feel better very very soon honestly. Easy does it, dont expect too much of yourself in those first days/weeks.

Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing.

Dodsworth · Senior Member

I think shakiness, sweats, insomnia are very typical even for the individual who never drinks to drunken excess but drinks often (if that makes sense), like someone who drinks 3-4 beers a night 4-5 times a week-that person would feel withdrawal if they drank like that for an extended period of time, or so im told. It sounds like you are handling yourself well by staying busy. I know what you mean about the low-blood sugar, I hated that feeling. I didn't have it in the detox center but i would have it about every day when i was drinking. I was only drinking beer for years, except for the occasional shot or two at a party or bar, but the last 4 months of my drinking was typical of many alcoholics in that I switched to vodka. During the last 4 months or so I drank a pint of vodka and a 6pack everyday. I was as shocked as you are about having withdrawals, although neither of should be surprised. I don't think it matters what you drink, beer or not. Like I said, withdrawal is different for everybody, I happened to have acute withdrawal, which is why i went to the detox center. I also feel your pain regarding insomnia. I detoxed for a week and several of those nights i got maybe 15 minutes of sleep. Luckily, I was in a place where sleeping pills were available, and that helped me get through the rest of the nights. I think it is great you are exercising, good choice. Guilt can dog you, i know the feeling. I wish you the best in your recovery PJ.

Dods

Rebecca · Member

I am detoxing at home as well. Sounds like you have it a little worse than I do. Can you at least go to your family physician or a minor emergency clinic where you live? I am drinking water, v-8 juice, eating healthy, and a must is taking an amino acid supplement (that has L-Glutamine, among others in it) and also take an herb called Kudzu (some people used kudzu for hangovers) he Kudzu(found at health food stores or internet)helps with some of the symptoms of withdrawl and the craving. Hope this helps. I'm in my second day. I also attend AA meetings and have began to work the steps (on Step1). My Dr. gave me Trazodone 100mg for sleep at night for the time being.

Rebecca

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

PJ, please be careful. We sometimes do need help medically when detoxing. It is not WHAT we drank (it was ALL alcohol), it is HOW we drank, and what it did to our bodies that we may not realize, which is important to take into consideration. have you had your blood pressure checked since you started your detox? Fluid balance or anything? As a medical person, I do not like to give anyone the "go-ahead" to detox on their own.... Saying a prayer for you that no matter what you decide, it will be safe for you physically.

Take care of yourself. Even if that means by letting someone else take care of you right now.

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

What do you mean by "acute withdrawal"? How long does one remain at the detox center? I just know this is insane and I'm smarter than this and how did I get myself in such a situation?
I was very disappointed in my family doctor giving me no help or advice except "go to detox" (expressed to me by an assistant or receptionist). The entire thing scares me; I've always been fairly athletic and for my body to respond this wildly is crazy. and horrible.
Hanging in there though. I guess there is no easy way. Am looking forward to joining a group in my area. furious

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

PJ you should be getting to the end of the physical withdraw symptoms after 72 hours. Just keep up with advil water vitimens and plenty of rest. i doubt you'll have any serious issues now, it's been a couple days right?

Jednorozec · Veteran Member

At the end of my drinking, detoxing was really awful. For the first couple of days I couldn't eat anything or walk without holding on to the walls. It would be a week before I could drive again. Then after a week or so I would get angry enough to start drinking again. I finally got to the point where I didn't want to do another self detox and called 911 around midnight and asked to be put into a detox. I was there for 5 days and was given Valium and Trazodone and a script for Trazodone when I left. I was still in pretty rough shape at that time and my liver enzymes were out of wack for months afterwards.

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

Thanks for your response - what about the liver enzymes? I just can't afford the time or money of 5 days in detox right now; have to get functioning faster somehow.
Have any of you ever self detoxed by "cutting down"? I know that sounds like a cop out - I have done it in the past. Say I was drinking 12 Coors Lights a day (awful!), then cut down to 4 (which would still involve some discomfort, shaking, sweating, etc) and the next day have one or none? I have done that in the past and it worked.
Any thoughts on that? I can't wait to get to some meetings and am so glad I found this sight.

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

It hasn't been quite 72 since I totally quit. I did sleep well but woke up shakey - my husband couldn't believe the shakiness. He doesn't quite get it unfortunately although we've had some long talks and crying sessions about it. I'm doing laundry etc and am typing smoother so maybe there is some improvement.

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi PJ, I love your Avatar!

It is Day 5 for me and I have not taken anything at all except water, juices, good food and this board plus other support. And puttering a bit around my home and doing a few errands. And easy does it!!!!

I feel you should check the melatonin side effects. Sometimes we think all that stuff is innocent to take but they can give awful side effects that we think is something else like the detoxing.

I have not slept so great but sleep is coming slow but sure naturally and it will be to my benefit as my body and time clock readjust. I just do not want another "vice" to deal with or get over.

I too have kept my self in shape and have eaten healthy and people would not even know I was drinking by looks but my insides and nerves were wrecked!!! So all I did was void out keeping fit.

And by the way do not worry about the people in the small town seeing you get sober if you go to AA. It is better than them seeing you drunk.

I also live in a small town. People are not as small minded as we want to give them credit for.

Hang in there and keep up the great work. You are yet another blessing to me who has helped me very much. By the way cutting down to detox apparently did not work sweet girl. I too did that and fooled myself into where I was Tues morning. And beer is my thing also.

I found that when I quit the many times this past year that I too felt way off balance and by the third day I felt so awful that I felt I needed to drink.

On Tues I got onto the net and put in "AA online forums" and this forum came right up first. I started to read and I was in the worst shakes and horrified state of mind. But as I read I felt like I had started to take the best medicine possible. I felt everything lift off me and even the hangover.

I feel now that I look at it that a lot of my detoxing in the past and feeling off balance a few days into it had a lot to do with my mental state. A person can be totally sober and still feel like they are detoxing in many ways. And off balance etc.

Keep taking the medicine of this forum and hang in there and you will come out of this. You have the want and you have the way. Take care, Rosie

By the way I understand people do detox horribly from the alcohol so I am not being flippant this is just my experience I share. lol

-- Edited by Rosie at 09:52, 2008-08-16

-- Edited by Rosie at 09:56, 2008-08-16

Jednorozec · Veteran Member

My liver enzymes are back in the normal range now. I think that it took about 9 months and all I did was eat properly and not cause my liver any more grief by ingesting more alcohol.

lani · MIP Old Timer

Hope your still hanging in there and things are getting easier! Hit some meetings, take your husband if you want to....It does get easier and bottom line, your willing to stop the crazy cycle of alcholism! Remember this and store it in your "toolbelt" for the next time you consider drinking!!!!!

I use experiences like this to remind me of why I cant drink, one day at a time!!!

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

Thanks for the talk and advice. I'm still sweating and trembling some and it is awful. I did do a few normal things today! (watched a movie, washed clothes, went with my husband to purchase a used exercise machine and even helped him load the truck. Hoping tomorrow is better. I'm too shakey to drive and my handwriting looks horrible! Oh, I have wrecked so many things in the past with this addiction; no more. My body just can't take it anymore. (besides the beer was giving me a gut I'd never had! oh yuck!
Thank all of you! I will start going to meetings next week and perhaps do some part time marketing work for my old job, (maybe) although my license I worked so hard for is termporily on hold - till I'm sane and sober.

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

My avatar is from my HUGE collection of .gifs, many of them cats; as I've two cats and they've been great. They sure know when mommy is hurting! This one happens to resemble my orange cat who sleeps just like that on the back of the sofa!

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi PJ, That is nice to have your cats and I can picture the one on the back of the couch. I have a 12 yr old cat who turned 12 in April of this year. Her name is Katelyn. She is a pretty cat and I love her very much.

I hope you are starting to feel better. And I know about the beer gut! I hate it. I am not very big and I noticed my stomach is starting to take on an odd shape!

I walked today around the lake for 40 minutes and it felt so good. I ate well but watched my calories. We deserve so much more than what we do to ourselves. I like the post Quetzel put up about self care.

We can do it PJ. We are so blessed in our lives. I keep thinking that if something happens that is awful to my loved ones it would be horrifying if I were drunk. Or hungover.

And to think of the days wasted that could have been spent doing things to show my love even more for my children, grandkids and my Mom and Step Dad and sisters and brothers.

And to show myself more love. We can do it PJ. One day at a time. I know for me I have been ill all week and off balance as I detox and I do not want to do that again. Or give up what I have gotten out of all I have been working on all week.

Take care and hang in there. Thank you for being here. By the way it is day 5 for me. Rosie

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

I am day 5 (I think) but whatever, I slept good (with no aids from melatonin nor advil P.M.; am having a beauitful day. I CANNOT relapse and go thru this again. I'm not very big either (100 pounds still) but don't like what the beer excursion has done to the outside, can only imagine the inside! Lets keep up our very good work and not have to do this again or die drunk. I'm going down to visit my family in Georgia in two weeks. I certainly don't want to be shaking (or worse yet, take little bottles of wine to stop the shakes). I'm DONE! I feel almost normal today. Was a little tiny bit shakey this morning but after breakfast, felt energized and normal! Still a llittle weak and tired; I've but my body thru hell the past couple of weeks. IT IS OVER.

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi PJ, It is hard to detox and I feel we are still going to not feel up to par for at least another week or more. And then I feel there will be more adjustments and things that will pop up.

But with work and paying attention to all we are learning right now we can make it.

I get hit with pangs of painful things due to the breakup of my relationship 5 months ago but because of this forum and other support I overcome and feel better and better.

This afternoon I am feeling some pain and post trauma also some realizations and it is hard. But I feel good that I am safe and will go mow in a bit. Easy does it and I know if I need to to just rest and not push myself too hard right now that all will be fine. I need to put me first and the other stuff will make it.

Take care of you PJ you deserve it. Rosie

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

PJ Tucker wrote:

I am day 5 (I think) but whatever, I slept good (with no aids from melatonin nor advil P.M.; am having a beauitful day. I CANNOT relapse and go thru this again. I'm not very big either (100 pounds still) but don't like what the beer excursion has done to the outside, can only imagine the inside! Lets keep up our very good work and not have to do this again or die drunk. I'm going down to visit my family in Georgia in two weeks. I certainly don't want to be shaking (or worse yet, take little bottles of wine to stop the shakes). I'm DONE! I feel almost normal today. Was a little tiny bit shakey this morning but after breakfast, felt energized and normal! Still a llittle weak and tired; I've but my body thru hell the past couple of weeks. IT IS OVER.

PJ, 4 days is a pretty rough detox, I hope this is your last. Now that you're through it, study up on the best vitimens for you. Lots of B,B6,B12 is required
to keep our energy up. I take quite a few things, raw bee pollen, CoQ10, L-carnitine, Kryolic garlic with a good all on one for men. I can really tell when I forget to take them, my energy and mental clarity is cut in half. You'll be suprised how sensitive to vitimens and food supliments and how responsive (feeling of well being) your body will be to them. Eat lots of dark green vegatables to help finish detoxing your body. There is lot still left to get out. Get excited about recovery, your life is going to change for the better.

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

I'm probably "replying" to myself! Not totally used to this forum yet but so glad I found it. I must think one day at a time, and stick to it, and know alcohol is NO friend! No more. Period. I already think "well, when we go on vacation....(which will be no time soon) furious

but NO NO - that is poison thinking! It's got to be never.

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

So glad to hear you are doing better, PJ. I am rooting for you! And I love cats also, and yes, they are very very good at helping us when their mommies are not feeling well! They seem to KNOW when we are down. My husband was sick once and sleeping on the sofa, and I went downstairs to check on him, and kitty was sleeping next to him with her paw on his forehead!!! LMAO

If you are feeling better, you might be wondering, "well, what do I do next?" I know I sure was. Any plans for the coming week?

Take care and I wish you another good night's sleep.

Joni

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

Thank you! I feel better than ever and slept like a baby. (without sleep aids). Now, this could be a dangerous part - thinking, "well, that so wasn't so bad" IT WAS HELL! So - my plans for the week are to get myself organized, find a meeting and go! I may do some part time work for my company (at which I lost my license because of the drinking) but can still do marketing work for them. Just not act as an agent (for now). My license is retrievable if I changed companies or, I guess, with time with this company. What a drastic loss, and I beat myself up for it so bad, which started the beer binge! Disgusting. But - today is a new day! I know this forum will be a first step morning to make me know I am NOT WELL and one little ole drink to relax me ain't working and will not happen.

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi PJ, It takes time to feel better physically and even though we feel better today then we did all week we still got aways to go to really feel better. And our minds now will play tricks on us so be careful.

Very cunning and baffling to say the least!! I still feel a off but by the grace of my higher power I feel so much better. And I am not going back there no matter what. It is insane to even think of it but that is the nature of our illness.
I want to feel my life and not just get through it to the end and be sorry for it all. And I feel if something happens in the midst of my insanity to my loved ones or to myself that desire to drink and to then do so will be a huge huge regret.

I have had enough of those and that is one reason I chose to drink. Vicious cycle, but I will not make anymore regrets or excuses to use. Those regrets are the very reason NOT to drink.

We can do it sweet girl. Life is good. Enjoy. Take care Rosie

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

Good morning!
Again, I slept soundly. What a difference! Woke up feeling invigorated and optimistic about life! What a drastic change. I had had such feelings of dispair and almost wishing I would die and also thinking I was dying. How could I possibly want to put myself there again? I know I am not "cured", but I'm so enjoying not being drunk, hungover, or "detoxing" (although I guess I am still detoxing somewhat), or worrying about going to get some more poison "cause I was running out or the next day was Sunday (they don't sell anything here but beer on Sunday, and only that after 12:00!)
So much freedom! We've got to keep it up. Life is good although I do have the same worries and problems, they seem much more "overcomeable" (I don't that is a word!)ha.
xxxooo biggrin

hills alive · Veteran Member

hello pjtucker you seem to be detoxing very well, the reason why detox units exist which are in a sense mini hospitals is that they know after giving a medical check up with someone by their weight height and gender, how much to give some one in the vitamin range.
i think from memory i was given vitamin B injected into my arm, not taken orally, and the other reason that they are there is to monitor for epileptic fits, a detox duration for booze in australia where i am is 120 HOURS, OR 5 DAYS, after that you are allowed out so to speak.
the best thing to do after detoxing is go to AA meetings, arm yourself with a meetings book, as there are meetings all over the place in large cities but only one or 2 a week in smaller towns, this site is good and dont get me wrong but a live meeting is the best at the beginning as it gets you out of the house in a sober fashion.
doing simple things in life without booze starts growth in the self esteem area, and after a week or to you will want to go to live meetings as you will be able to identify with others, and even though you are married i think you said, any other loneliness will start to drop off , as you will discover the meetings will be like a new home for you, besides the one you live in,the only people who are dissapointed with AA are the people who look at the differences instead of the SIMILARITIES, so treat yourself gently and dont overdo it with many new projects for the first 3 months.
one of the main symptoms of recovery in the first 3 months is feeling sleepy in the after noon sometimes even late morning ,so take the nap regardless its a good idea. cheers peter.

-- Edited by hills alive at 21:25, 2008-08-19

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

Thanks Peter! I am doing good, as far as feeling well, physically and emotionally. I know my next step is to scout out a meeting (unfortunately, this is a small town, which has me hesitate; everyone knows everyone's businss, and I hate that, being used to a large cities. But...I will. Even though the detox was miserable and yes, I was scared of convulsions, especially when I couldn't walk and my heart was beating out of my chest, butsurvive it, but now the hard part. I will take your advice to heart and look for a meeting today. I think I would like it. I like people; I like people who have something in common with me, and I know it would make me stronger, just as this forum has. There's nothing like people who can relate to what you are going thru, and have been there, done that - and follow their examples. I am ordering The Book on line as we speak. Thanks again, and cheerio down there!

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi PJ, I was reading your post about your heart beating out of your chest and it is concerning. Something that my Mom said to me was that my oldest sister said "Rosie is going to kill herself drinking."

Even though I continued to drink it had planted a seed. As I lay hungover and so hopeless just sick as a dog I would think of that and realize that yes I am killing myself. How stupid is that????!! People who have terminal illnesses that are not from their own doing would love to have my health. And here I was drinking poison that was damaging my heart, liver, kidneys and everything else.

I also noticed my face was bloated and my eyes that I always took pride in were swollen and old looking. I saw this but ignored it. Knowing the difference but feeling like if I ignored it I would look different????!!! HUH???!!

I walked like an old woman (my Mom is 82 yrs old and did not walk like me). I saw how healthy my Mom is and my 89 yr old Step Dad who cuts 3 cords of wood each day and my Mom helps him and I could not even leave my bedroom and only if I drank to mow the lawn and live in a tiny little world of the same things each day.

I felt like an outsider looking in.

Already I feel apart of life and it feels so wonderful. I do not want to go back there ever again.

I feel that you are in the same place as me. I am 54 yrs old also. The best is yet to be. We are blessed dear soul. Have a great sober day. Rosie

hills alive · Veteran Member

by the way the meetings book can be attained from the meeting hall itself there free here in australia, i get the impression though that AA over seas may be different , cheers peter. by the way if your in a small town the average person wouldnt even know there was a AAmeeting in it let alone who goes to it, how ever if the town has under 500 in it you may well be right, but the main thing is we go to the meetings to save ourselves from ourselves if we worry about what others think of us we are not minding our own business, and or we are imagining things that are not actually hapening at all, one of the great things about AA is after we have been sober for a year, in australian standards we are encouraged by older members to learn and do service work.
so if you live in a small town and intend to stay there for years then you will become an asset to that town as there are alkies every where suffering right on your own street and you wouldnt even know it, but as that asset you will meet them one day and if they seek out help you will know what to do for them as a help to the community, and you wont need a university degree before you open your mouth. have a good day cheers peter.

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

Yes, I feel we are in similar place. I will not go back! I sooo understand the bloated awful eyes! I look so much better and younger already! I would "think" that make up and teabags on the eyes would make me look okay but I was just kiddin' myself! I feel alert and alive and I know you do too. Sobriety is wonderful! It is amazing how well I sleep and I'm happy to wake up - not that "oh no, another day". Bless you, Rosie! and all this forum! Have you listened any of the tapes I found in and around this site? They are hilarious! And also so poignant!

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

This town is not THAT small....more like about 40,000, but it's a southern town and we're not from here, so right away we are considered "odd" or "yankees" (even though I'm from Georgia originally which is also very southern but it was the big ole town of Atlanta! Oh, I can handle it. Sobriety is making me feel very sure of myself; am looking forward to getting into the meetings and the 12 steps and find out more about myself and this wonderful thing called sobriety!

hills alive · Veteran Member

good on you then tucker and keep on posting how your going as every time you do someone without fail will reply to you in kind.
the AA meetings arent hard by the way you will be pleasantly surprised that you are amongst people like your self ,with a club atmosphere after a while, a sober club that is, cheers peter.
just because the town thinks you may be an od ball you wont get that in meetings.

-- Edited by hills alive at 19:52, 2008-08-20

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Sobriety is a wonderful experience, PJ & offers a whole new life 1Day@aTime. Work a good program & this will be the worst you'll ever have to go through physically with alcohol again. We know that the disease of alcoholism is progressive & always gets worse, never better. You don't have to think about never taking alcohol again, PJ. Just for Today will do. This will get you through many hours when that obsession may return. We're in this together & you have so much to look forward to. Recovery is progressive too ;) Well done in your determination. I'm impressed & touched with how much honesty, experience, strength & hope that has been shared here. I love my desire not to drink & I treasure it. I hope yours sees you through many difficult times too. Sobriety is a gift & hard work.. But, the wages are good! Loads of love & respect, Daniella (alky in Liverpool) x

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

I'm looking for meetings in my area right now. That's my goal for tomorrow! Find and attend a meeting!

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi PJ, I have not listened to the tapes. I got to explore a bit more.

You sound real upbeat dear soul. I look forward to celebrating our 30 days. We are only a couple of days different in our dates.

How is the work out equipment coming. I got a tread mill and a work out bench in a back bedroom and also a tanning bed. I used to work out for about 15 yrs straight not skipping a week until I got into the relationship with my ex.

I worked out until 2002 when I stopped due to the abuse. And I miss it very much. I have to get the courage up to get into my routine again. I look forward to it. I love to work out and did not feel well if I did not do so.

I know I will get in there. I got confidence now that I can do things like that. I had a habit of wondering what days I would drink and what days to plan things. Like I had to plan everything around my drinking!!!!!????

It is a nusance to say the least in that it is like an entity that rules everything. I am not going to allow something to affect me that way ever again.

Take care dear soul.

Hi Daniella, Thank you for that post. It helped me also smile

Rosie

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

Good morning, dear Rosie! We are going to finish assembling the work out equipment tonight. I'm excited. I, too, felt my best when I was working out on a regular basis. This equipment is like a universal and has the leg press, arm press, weight training type stuff and is rather high end for home. Got it for next to nothing though, as it's so bulky, hard to move, and the people were downsizing and just wanted it out of there. We have a TV in that room (downstairs) for entertainment while toning the body. I do need to incorporate some walking and aerobics of some sort....one step at a time. First, get it assembled! ha.

How are you feeling today? I'm still upbeat and have so much energy and am feeling optimistic. I found a meeting at 12:00 noon today in our little downtown. My aim is to go. Now, this sounds crazy, and of course, I will not do it, BUT this is the kind of event in which I would like to have a "drink" before I go! New territory, some anxiety about "coming out" to strangers... But I will not do that. I will go. I am nervous about it though. To make this meeting today is my main goal. Now I've told you all, so if I chicken out, I'll have to face you all! Love you ALL!

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

Good morning again, Rosie and all! After my previous email, I am rethinking this; I'm already feeling too anxious and am wondering if it is too soon (for me) to go to this meeting. I'm picturing myself walking into it and then it will be fine, but right now, I'm suffering severe anxieties and wonder if I shouldn't put my optimism and energy towards something less anxiety causing, at least for today.... cry

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi PJ, Procrastination is part of our isms of alcohol. I have been to meetings hundreds of times and after I sit there for just one hour it is like taking the best medicine in the world and all those anxieties you are having will slip away.

I promise you that.

I feel if you keep putting it off and feeling like you are with anxiety it will get the best of you and you may use. I say go dear soul. What the hec!! Can't dance. But you may feel like doing so afterward and to do so sober.

Have you ever been to AA? Ask your husband or someone to accompany you if you are nervous. And people are not as bad as you may fathom in your mind. You will be pleasantly surprised. Good luck and let your higher power guide you not your own mind right now.

With love Rosie

-- Edited by Rosie at 09:34, 2008-08-21

PJ Tucker · Veteran Member

I would prefer to go alone. He's offered to go with me, but isn't aware that I'm looking to go today at noon. I've never been to a real AA meeting; I went into a treatment program once which I enjoyed and helped me immensely; although I only went for a few months, it helped me for years until I started thinking I could "socially" drink like normals. So, you've been to lots of AA's? But aren't going at this time? I think I'll start a new topic here, since the self detoxing is over (I wanted to add for now, but instead I'll say FOREVER)

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi PJ, Yes I have been to many many AA meetings and in treatment at one point in 1992. I started to go to AA back about 25 yrs ago. I always knew I had a problem but was never down for the count in hangovers as I am now when I drink. And I was in a different place inside of myself.

They are not like you fear they are. You will feel at home. Good luck. I am not sure your time in TN or how many hours difference it is to my time in VT.

I am going to a meeting tonight at 7 pm near me. I will let you know how it goes. Take care Rosie