Hi All, I am on Day 4 sober. I was thinking how when I was not keeping track that by day 4 it seemed like it had been a few weeks sober!
It is odd how the mind can fool me in my quest to stay sober. And I would l feel so up an at em with all kinds of boosting about being sober for a few weeks when it had only been a few days.
So now keeping track like this brings me into reality.
And reading here while I do this helps me to know I can calm down and get humble toward a healthy and accepting life.
I have things to do today and this past year or so when I have gone a few days without drinking I feel better and even though I know I got things to do I will start off the day all full of energy to get the groceries and go to the hardware store, mow the lawn, make a nice supper and end the day sober and at peace with a nice shower and thanking God for the day.
But I am at the same time I would be feeling antsy and full of anxiety and not wanting to face feelings and just plain in a bad mood. As I took my shower to get ready I would be full of resentments and trying to push them down while I tried to be upbeat.
As I went out the door I would be feeling all this. I would make it to maybe one appointment and with all good intentions but with all those negative feelings. And I would know I should get the groceries and those things at the hardware store but instead I would go get a six pack of beer and go home.
Thinking that I would be okay the next day to do the errands. But of course I was hung over and had spent a ton of money with a taxi to go out and follow up the beer with Tequila. So the anxiety would be there from over spending and feeling like such crap from knowing I could have bought my groceries and all I needed to work on my home.
The fridge would be empty and my home was not improving. So left like that the guilt and fears of it all was high. I would lay in bed for two days and go get a small amount of food or to a fast food place and still nothing to fix my home because I was worried about money??????
So here I am today and I need groceries and to run a few more errands. I feel stronger today after being on this forum. And I do not have as many resentments or as much anxiety as I have had. But I feel off balance and overwhelmed.
It is hard for me. And my son and I had an uncomfortable interaction yesterday that I need to find a way to be okay with.
I know in all of this that I need to quit myself and calm down. I also know that I need to change the habits I have developed that keep me in the same mind set. Wish me luck. Rosie
Well, I can identify and I am glad I found this forum TODAY. My detoxing is awful - with shakes and sweats - but I still have things to do, so thought some very light drinking would calm those symtoms enough to function. But having a hard time with this. I am brand to this forum. Was sober for many years after some problems in my younger days; gradually got into light social drinking (yeah right?) and now feel totally addicted and trying to cold turkey at home.
Hi PJ, I was doing that to not feel like total crap but it just kept me drinking. So I had to suffer through this week without it and by the second day I had to meet with my daughter in law to sit for 8 hours and do a major overhaul on their finances and did up a lot of paperwork.
I was thankful for water and some nice food and that all I had to do was sit. It worked well and I got home late about 11:20 pm or so. I felt good but wide awake. So I watched TV and did the best I could to rest. And I read on here.
And then yesterday I was sick in the morning and down for the count so I did what I could all day in puttering and then resting. Drinking water and eating well. And reading and posting on here.
I got up shaky again this morning and I got up and read and posted on here. And I emailed support people for another forum I am on. I got my wits about me and took a shower and was able to go out to do errands without feeling like I had been with anxiety and feeling out of sorts. And without resentments.
I got my errands done and everything I had said I would!!!!! And I came home and had a nice lunch and now I am resting. I feel hope now.
I feel it takes about two weeks to detox our bodies but it can take up to a year to detox our feelings and thoughts. I know for me in the meantime I need this forum and I feel I will be able to find a sponsor and if it does not work here in my town then I hope someone on here can help me.
I feel safe here and at home. Everything I read and all who helped me were with me today. It was wonderful.
I will post about this separate.
Hang in dear soul. I know the awful panic feelings and sense of dread and self dislike you can feel and how sick you can feel with nauseau and stomach problems that make you feel like you want to die.
My Mom told me when she drank that she hated to even hear the birds sing in the morning. And I also was feeling that way. And I live in Vermont and I have many birds who sing so beautifully in my yard. I feed them.
It is hard to enjoy a beautiful sunny day. And to just be. I know.
But I also know that when I stop putting that poison in me that I start to enjoy all that God intended and the peace is so joyous. And after I have had that joy nothing else compares in life. Especially the dredges of drinking.
Take care, I am glad you are here. Please keep reading and posting. Thank you for being here. Rosie
I wanted to say that on Tuesday morning after a night of drinking I was in the pits with no hope. I felt I may as well say good bye to life and that it was over. I called my counselor to cancel for Wed just feeling no hope.
I managed to email some people and then I thought I would look up AA online. And I found this site the first one I clicked on. I could start reading immediately without signing in. Thank God because I was very shaky!
In the first half hour of reading I felt a burden lift off me and even with the worst hangover and loss of hope I felt so much better. I felt safe and at home. And that I was getting the very medicine I need for my disease. What a relief.
Now today I went out and did my errands and took you all with me. I felt such a sense of freedom and humbleness. I got a lot done and did not have one problem with desire to drink or with the anxiety and awful resentments that I was carrying.
And my friend "fear" was very happy today.
I came home and had a nice lunch drinking a wonderful glass of water. My middle son called and I was pleasant and serene but he was upset over some people and as I tried to talk to him he was yelling and I felt he was yelling at me so got off the phone.
I have done one thing this past year or so is to not allow people to let me be there punching bag when it is not about me.
I got a bit sick but I calmed myself in my quest to enjoy this gorgeous day and am watching TV and resting. I will do up some things in my home and a bit later mow my lawn. But this time it will be with pleasure and not feeling all whacked out over people places and things I cannot change.
Hi Phil, I felt I had been on this forum before but I am not sure. I would not know my password or anything. I would have been on about a year and a half or so if I were I think.
I have not gone to AA. I feel good about starting here. Today was the strongest I have felt in a long long time. I have been helped more here this week than by anything else. Rosie
