Hi all, I have been fighting to stay sober for a number of months now and have had a hard time due to a breakup from an abusive relationship and not wanting to face the pain of it all and because that is my coping mechanism.
One big problem that arises in me is dealing with certain people who drink and live in unhealthy ways. I had stayed alone drinking near the end of the relationship and had not dealt with people for the majority of eight yrs.
And now I have been hanging around with those people off and on and even though I know I would not and do not if I do not drink I feel like a two face and kind of bad that I would keep this kind of thing going.
When I drank a few days ago I talked to a friend I have known since I was ten and have drank with off and on this past few months and he asked me to go to Las Vegas with some other people and him.
I said yes for sure and when I was more sober the next day I was feeling like NO WAY and all I could think of was the drinking and hang overs and just not going to enjoy it all because of the drinking that I know would take place.
Just the thought of alcohol and doing nice things scares me and ruins it all for me. I know I am no where near strong enough for that.
And also for some reason I am not really comfortable with this man and never really was. Again I feel two faced and bad. These kinds of things bother me a lot.
My sister's son is getting married on August 31st and there will be alcohol there but when I attend functions like that I tend not to drink and have had strength not to.
I want to workout and get strong for that and just go and enjoy my family. They support me not to drink even though a few do so I will stick close to the family members who are sober.
I feel I needed to voice this. It is a burden of sorts that has been a problem and I feel that is part of some of the drinking problem. No ones fault but my own though. Rosie
Hang in there Rosie, you are doing so well, I am thinking about you and saying prayers to my Higher Power to please come and wrap His arms around you and comfort you. I'm sending my hugs to.
I remember in early soberity how I had many thoughts come up to process, just as you are experiencing right now. Still happens to me from time to time. I want to share with you some words someone told me that i found alot of comfort in.
I was sharing how I was feeling and this man said to me, "Deb, the feelings you are having right now are understandly intense, but the good news is that these feelings will get less intense and happen less often", somehow I was able to grasp onto those words like they truly were a life buoy and as time passed, it actually happened.
Don't let go of the life buoy, it worked for me. Deb
When I was just under 3 months sober, my brother had a 40th birthday party and really really wanted me to go. He has a terminal muscle wasting disease and we dont know how long he has, (mind you its the same with all of us isnt it). I didnt feel comfy being around people drinking but the other big factor in that was my mother. She would be there and we have had no contact for 5 years. I drank because I am an alky but one of my main excuses for drinking was the bad things she has done to me and my brother both in our childhoods and adulthood. Anyway, I said I would go early and just stay for a short time and if it got uncomfortable before that then I would leave. I really didnt want to go and my Higher Power sorted it out for me anyway or so I believe. I suffered with a lot of gynae problems at the time and as it happens was too poorly to go that night anyway. I did spend some wonderful sober time with him on holiday in Tenerife a couple of months after that though.
Take care whatever you do and if you do go, be aware which drink is your and dont pick up alcohol by mistake.
Hi FF, Thank you for the message about intense feelings. Yes my feelings are intense and I think of things that need not be in my life at all to think about. These people are not anyone I want to deal with.
I have a support group through the abuse forum and many friends from there and they are all working on doing positive things in the midst of a lot of negative. I like to deal with them because they do not have agendas of taking my money or using me in any way. I feel the difference between the two different kinds of people and I have such an appreciation for my forum friends.
The just make me feel stronger and I am so much healthier as I interact with them. I have other people I know who are the same way who live near me.
As I get older I see what is good for me and have a great appreciation.
Hi KLT, I know what you mean about not going to an event due to drinking. But for some reason this particular sister is so supportive and my brother who is sober 22 yrs plus my Mom who is being my sponsor right now is so strong that I do not drink or desire to at my sisters house.
I have been there many times for events and did not drink even when I was in the midst of using alcohol. I did not desire to drink before I went nor while there or even after when I have left for that day. It just is such a nice awe inspiring time when I am around my family that it does not matter if there is alcohol or not to me.
Hi Jed, Yes I do have that choice and I make the right one at this particular sisters house every time. But as far as the others go to hang out with them is the wrong choice so I will not do so. It is as simple as that and I got a freeing feeling from that now that I have posted those feelings and got such great responses.
