Hi I am a new member. I'm not sue if there's a new member section.....A little about me, I'll be 29 in 1 week and I've been drinking heavily for about 6 years. I've ended up in the hospital numerous times-blacking out in the street, fights, etc. So I would drink after long stressful days at work Even great days to celebrate. I would feel nice and relaxed, but then going home, my problems were still there! Surprise! So last Friday, work problems, girl problems, it got to me and I binged. I won't get into how much or what I drank, but I'm a light guy. I had 8 pints of Delirium, a 5th of Jameson and a 40 oz of Bud. Ok I lied, sorry.
I started thinking, I can't do this anymore, and I'm going to be hungover like crazy the next day. So I stopped. Today, Aug 9 is day 8 with no alcohol. I feel like I am going crazy. I don't hang out with friends for fear of starting up again. I stay at home and wait til it gets dark and I get sleepy enough to make it through the next day. Will it always be like this???? I am really at a loss. Any help/advice is GREATLY appreciated. P.S. I tried A.A., I didn't like it because it seemed more like church than recovery. Sorry for the long post but I really have no one to turn to or anyone who understands.
welcome to the board. I don't think that any of us liked AA for the first few meetings. I can say that meetings differ widely so I'd encourage you to attend 5-10 different meetings to find a group that you can relate to. I was 29 when I got sober (27 when I started going to meetings). I took me 2 years of drinking and not drinking to "get it". During that time I went to meetings fairly regularly but I wasn't ready to put the effort into staying sober or taking direction, following suggestions from people who had gotten sober to duplicate their efforts. I wasted valuable time and luckily nothing tragic happened, aside from losing a marriage and the best job that I'd ever had. The bottom line is that this is a progressive disease, which means that it gets worse. This disease kills a lot people. It's a serious problem that's not easily solved. About 1 in 20, that try to get sober, accomplish it.
As for you question about sobriety being any more than staying at home waiting for the sun to go down so that you can eek out another day. Absolutely. Getting sober is the gateway to being and accomplishing whatever goals that you can dream up. Most of us are overwhelmed by the gifts of sobriety that we've received. One of the many gifts that I've received is having my on business, being self employed for 20 years and the freedoms and luxuries that that's afforded me would never ever have been possible had I still been drinking. I had a hard time keeping appointments with the dope dealer, let alone being a valuable employee or an entrepreneur.
TM, to effect a change in your drinking you must make a significant change in your lifestyle where drinking isn't a necessary part of it or "the same man will drink again". Sobriety is a process not an event. We don't just stay dry until we get sober, we have to work for it.
Thanks for the reply. I went to 2 A.A.'s not too far from home and one when behind the Trinity Church when I worked on Wall St. Honestly, out of 10 -damn what's the term...shares? 9 of them were 'thank Jesus, thank the Good Lord, thank God, without him, etc. If God, Jesus, or just religious faith helps you, thats great. Not that I'm anti-religion, I gues I'm not a spiritual person by nature. That 1 in 20 stat-is that true? That's pretty damned scary.
My average day would be go to the office (self employed as well), instead of lunch, hit the liquor store and get a pint of Jameson. Market close at 4, head to my local hangout/poolhall/bar. I used to really love shooting pool and spent hours and years of my life at it. Then I started drinking while shooting and eventually conditioned myself to shoot only if I had a drink. So i'd have 6-8 pints, gamble, go home, hit the local bar (no liquor at poolhall) have a bunch of whiskey, then for the walk home hit the little deli and get a 32 oz, 40 oz, depending how drunk. So basically I ruined a hobby/passion that I loved because of drinking and have numerous stitches, ruined friendships, ex-girlfriends, etc.
Rambling again, sorry. Advice I've been given-read, start playing guitar again, start excercising, take up boxing/martial arts. All good ideas, but I failed to mention I'm self medicating on Xanax to calm down. I feel like a zombie with no drive. So my Alprazolam intake has practically doubled and I'm barely feeling it, I'm chain smoking, sometimes I think having a drink a day would actually be better. I'm hoping 2 weeks, 30 days, 60 days, I get used to this cause it is REALLY rough right now....
yeah you just have to hang in there until your head stops spinning. All the stuff that we do/did medicating and acting out (fear anger...) are the methods used to deal with unresolved issues. Issues that we really can't deal with until we've been sober for awhile. It's a catch 22, getting an alcoholic to put down the booze is like taking all your armor off and walking into a machine gun battle. It's going hurt for awhile but it get better. Alcohol and other things treat stress very well, trouble is that they remove our natural ability to deal with stress and lower our tollerance to stress (a double edged sword). We need to "No big deal" everything until we can learn how to cope with stress without substances.
As far as religious statements being made in meetings, that's been frowned upon in most of the meetings I've attended. This is a spiritual program that encourages people to find a higher power of their own understanding. This could be anything, and it's not even a requirement. The "God" references in the program are due to the age of it (73 years). Back then most people were religious and prodominately Christians. But realize that this program of AA is in more than 60 countries where Christianity is not in the majority. It's not a christian organization, it's just that some members feel the need to express Their beliefs, which like I said is frowned upon. One of the members of this board was banned for this kind of thing after being warned many times not to make religious statements.
Try calling the local AA number and ask them about some AA clubs and younger person meetings and give it a few more tries.
That's interesting. The 3 meetings I went to were in church basements! Even a G.A. meeting I went to had the whole religious vibe thing going. I definitely don't need to hear how God stepped in, took this man's bottle from his hand and saved him, etc. Although again, if it happened, more power to them. Like George Foreman when the Lord reached out to him and he had his 'awakening' (not alcohol related) in the shower. But I guess there is no clear cut answer.
Your 1st paragraph is scary but very true. My friend just quit smoking after 20 years of 2 packs a day. I guess 6 years of hard drinking can be done, but like anything it takes time. I am very glad I found this forum. Those late nights walking home with a 40 in my hand disgusted with myself, feeling worthless and pathetic, I would almost always call some type of helpline-many times not realizing it til I saw the outgoing call on my phone the next day. 8 days..............feels like 8 years....you gotta start somewhere!
Forgot 1 question that's been bugging me for a week. Special occasions-weddings, New Years, birthdays, etc. are you allowed to drink? Will you guys drink? Do you have 1 drink and stop? Do you toast and have 1 sip? Do you not even have 1 drop? Sorry if this seems silly, but I really want to know everyone's opinion.
My area has a couple meetings in churches (not in the basement, though), some in rehab facilities and we have our own 'clubhouse'.
God didn't take the bottle from my hand, but something had been tapping me on the shoulder for quite some time. That 'disgusted with myself' feeling you mentioned was something telling me it was time to seek help. It certainly wasn't my doing, I never had any intention of giving up drinking. I planned to die young and be a good looking corpse!
I wasn't crazy about the meetings either, at first, due to the fact I didn't want this problem! But I stuck it out and as time went on attending meetings, getting a sponsor, working the 12 steps, I did, somewhere along the way, have a spiritual awakening. And with that my obsession to drink vanished.
No such thing as a silly question. We don't know what we don't know.
If I could have 1 and stop (or even just a couple and stop) then I'd have no problem. For me 1 is too many and 1000 is not enough. I practice abstinence, 100%. I am an alcoholic.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Forgot 1 question that's been bugging me for a week. Special occasions-weddings, New Years, birthdays, etc. are you allowed to drink? Will you guys drink? Do you have 1 drink and stop? Do you toast and have 1 sip? Do you not even have 1 drop? Sorry if this seems silly, but I really want to know everyone's opinion.
Hey Mike, I lol'd
No we aim for continuous sobriety, one day at a time. If you hear someone in the program celebrating a number of months or years that's how long it's been since their last drink. Mine was in '89
Doll, that's kind of what I was feeling. But you get older and realize there are more important things in life. My Bday being next week is gonna be HARDDDDDDDD. Should I aim for 1 drink or not even have one? Should I not see my friends? Should I just 'go crazy' 1 night and start over? I'm just thinking out loud, but I think I know the answer already.
I know I'm only 8 days sober, but my appetite has decreased. I figure you drink less, you eat more. Maybe moreso for cigarettes, but the exact opposite has happened. What do I know. I'm still not there 100% mentally. In fact, I'm watching the Sopranos where Chris is sober and they hijack the crates of wine and he starts up again. They're chugging a whole bottle right now. I'm changing the channel
Welcome to MIP. And, congrats on day 8! That's terrific.
When I first went to AA meetings, I didn't like them. I would only listen to the differences in what was being said and how it was for me. After eight weeks, I went back out drinking and it took me eighteen months to get back to AA. Then, I started to listen for the similarities between the speaker and myself. And, they were always there.
I now enjoy my meetings and I've made some truly wonderful friends. Just hang in there and it will start to get better.
And, as Dean suggested, try calling your local AA helpline and getting to a few different meetings. Don't give up on AA yet, as it has changed my life around completely and it can do the same for you, too.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I was 8 months sober last week, I gave up the drink 3 weeks before xmas. Everybody said why didnt I leave it until after xmas. Well we wouldnt have had one if I had carried on drinking and I had got to the stage that I would have been lucky to be alive too. It took me 4 days of cold turkey, in bed, in the house on my own with the night sweats and the dry wretching, unable to actually walk to the bathroom and then a couple of weeks to actually get any energy back. This was my second go at getting sober, my first was 5 years ago and I had none of those symptoms then as my drinking hadnt taken me to where it had 8 months ago and I dont want to go through that again.
At christmas, my home was one long alcohol free party and it was wonderful. My sons girlfriend came to stay, my dad who can take drink or leave it and a few people from my home group of AA who had no family, friends etc in the area to go to. I have never cooked for so many people before and I have to say it was the best christmas ever and everybody enjoyed it.
For me, I drank to get out of it. I never wanted and still dont to be a social drinker. I didnt see the point. If somebody waved a magic wand at me and said I could be a social drinker, I would say no thanks. If I was a social drinker I wouldnt have or need this wonderful fellowship and way of life that I have found over the last 8 months. And if I wasnt drinking to get drunk then I would rather have a coffee or an orange juice.
Stick with it, it does get easier and as has been said before, try some different meetings. There was a couple I didnt feel comfy in at first so I tried others. Over the months though I have been able to go back to the ones where I wasnt comfy and look at what I could give rather than what I would get out of it.
Thanks Queztal and KLT. I really thought this time I would go at it alone, I guess warm turkey. The last meeting I went to was about 2 years ago after I blacked out at a bar and when I came to the bartender said I opened the door and hit the sidewalk face first. My face was a mess -cuts, scrapes, no stitches this time though. Next day I go in the boss' office he's like why the f__k are you late again, bla bla, then swivels his chair to look at me and then his eyes get wide and says my God, wtf happened to you? 'R___h I'm sorry, I got in a fight, I don't feel good I have to leave early. Can I get my check?' I knew there was a meeting behind Broadway at the church. I'm sore but I'm sitting, listening and everyone was God this, Jesus that. I got up and left after 10 minutes- I did this before -this is not for me.
Well everyone is saying find more meetings, so that's what I'm gonna do. It's also something to kill time I guess. That's the toughest part right now. I can only watch so much tv, go online for so long, play so many video games. I'm starting to get a tingling in the back of my head. I wonder what that's from. Day 9 and counting....
Hey Mike, reading you story about the events leading up to the first meeting. I noticed that you said that you left the bar on your own and fell on your face while exiting the front door, yet you told your boss that you had gotten in a fight so he would sympathize with you. I don't know what you call that but there are several terms for it. Then you turn around and recall your first meeting as hearing "God this and Jesus that..." in the first ten minutes. I'm going to have to call BS on this because the first 10 minutes of all meetings are completely consumed by the reading of various preambles, 12 steps and 12 traditions, how it works, and a couple others depending what part of the country that you are in. In none of these does the word "Jesus" appear. Big difference in a reference to God and one to Jesus. Then you left before the actual meeting began. Our perceptions don't always represent reality and that a lot of us let our disease talk us out of getting sober. There are a lot of voices in our head, we like to call them "the committee". It was told to me in early sobriety that "your mind in not your friend" and "your best thinking got you here". I began to listen to them and stop listening to myself. I still don't pay much attention to what mind is trying to tell me. It's usually a bunch a crap about this one or that one or all of them are out to get me. Then I take a couple deep breaths and say "what a beautiful day, I'm glad to be here"
Hey Mike, reading you story about the events leading up to the first meeting. I noticed that you said that you left the bar on your own and fell on your face while exiting the front door, yet you told your boss that you had gotten in a fight so he would sympathize with you. I don't know what you call that but there are several terms for it. Then you turn around and recall your first meeting as hearing "God this and Jesus that..." in the first ten minutes. I'm going to have to call BS on this because the first 10 minutes of all meetings are completely consumed by the reading of various preambles, 12 steps and 12 traditions, how it works, and a couple others depending what part of the country that you are in. In none of these does the word "Jesus" appear. Big difference in a reference to God and one to Jesus. Then you left before the actual meeting began. Our perceptions don't always represent reality and that a lot of us let our disease talk us out of getting sober. There are a lot of voices in our head, we like to call them "the committee". It was told to me in early sobriety that "your mind in not your friend" and "your best thinking got you here". I began to listen to them and stop listening to myself. I still don't pay much attention to what mind is trying to tell me. It's usually a bunch a crap about this one or that one or all of them are out to get me. Then I take a couple deep breaths and say "what a beautiful day, I'm glad to be here"
-- Edited by StPeteDean at 15:36, 2008-08-10
That was not my 1st meeting-that was the last time I went to a meeting....I walked in the middle of it, I didn't go from the beginning. I told my boss I got in a fight not because of sympathy, but because I felt it would be alot easier to get out of work quickly without explaining I have a drinking problem. You can call b.s, call me a liar, but read carefully what I wrote before you come to all these conclusions
First of all, a very big warm welcome to you, and congratulations on your 8 days sober.
A little about me: I came to A.A. in July 1986 as a staunch agnostic, bordering on atheism. But, my life had been so ravaged by alcohol and drugs that I quickly realized that I had to set aside, at least for a moment, my prejudices against religion and God (which I had all wrapped up in one in my own head). In the very beginning, I held onto something I heard in a meeting: "G.O.D." stands for "Good Orderly Direction." I knew that I needed some of that in my life.
After a month or so, I got a sponsor and began earnestly reading with her the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. There I found a chapter that struck me at my core entitled "We Agnostics", that also refers to an appendix in the back of the book entitled "Spiritual Experience." There began for me a journey with the 12 steps of A.A. that has led me to a Power greater than myself that I call "God." But, my development of a relationship with that Power has been what the book calls of an "educational variety" (appeals to my opinion of my fantastic intellect.
Bottom line is, I agree with what others have said: go to as many different meetings as you can, sit on your hands if you have to to force yourself to stay for the whole meeting, introduce yourself to some folks before or after the meetings, and just "Keep Coming Back." As to those things you might hear --on whatever subject -- that don't sit right with you, just put them "on the shelf" and try as much as you can to listen for the things you have in common with those that share. Believe me, A.A. works. Again, welcome.
I am not against religion. I was baptized and raised Roman-Catholic, although I don't attend church every Sunday. I don't want all my posts to be about God and/or religion. I posted that the 3 times I went to A.A. and the 1st and only time I went to G.A. there was alot of religious talk. That's fine. Maybe I do need to be more spiritual. I do resent "b.s." being called on me and assumptions being made by someone when they misread my post. I joined yesterday. Why would I join a very specific forum to make up lies? I can think of a thousand other things I'd rather do. I joined to seek the advice and knowledge from those who know what I'm going through cause none of my friends do. One even said on day 7 (Friday) one drink wont kill you. What a great friend! I will attend the next meeting I find and with the help of others like you I hope to stay on this forum for a long time.
That was not my 1st meeting-that was the last time I went to a meeting....I walked in the middle of it, I didn't go from the beginning. I told my boss I got in a fight not because of sympathy, but because I felt it would be alot easier to get out of work quickly without explaining I have a drinking problem. You can call b.s, call me a liar, but read carefully what I wrote before you come to all these conclusions
Hey Mike, I obviously wasn't there and can conclude nothing as a result. My point was that memory can be selective ala we hear and remember what we want to hear. I've probably been to 4 or 5 thousand AA meetings (conservative estimate that doesn't include NA, ACOA, or Coda meetings ) and have never heard one mention of Jesus Christ from a leader of a meeting and I'll bet I've only heard it a couple times from some over zellous persons. The mention of any particular religious sect denomination or creed would draw an immediate responce from the leader of the meeting or others, such as I'm responding to your comments now. It's not a common occurence and is not tollerated.
I was raised and still consider myself a person of a particular faith, but I would have liked to have seen all the references to "God" in the 4th edition of the big book and the 12 steps changed to "Higher Power" for exactly these reasons. Now those are my personal feelings and I have no expectations or axes to grind over it. I totaly understand keeping the Big Book etc... as they were originally written in the 30's. With that said I totally understand your and every other agnostic and atheist that comes in the door, and have no desire to change their beliefs at all. This program is not about that. It's about making changes in the way we act to make room for a sober lifestyle which includes coming to the realization that we are not the center of the universe. That's the primary purpose of adopting a "Power greater than ourselves". You don't have to think too long to come up with an image of that. I live in the hurricane zone and it's hurricane season .
"My point was that memory can be selective ala we hear and remember what we want to hear".
"With that said I totally understand your and every other agnostic and atheist that comes in the door"
What is your point????? What is your agenda?????? How do you automatically know what faith I am??? I will read other's posts but who wants accusations from a complete stranger thrown at them? You DO have some axe to grind but I'm not interested in hearing about it. Thanks for the advice from everyone, I will try meetings again and I will get through this. Who needs to feel like they're being judged? Not me
I am trying new meetings. Even though I do not particpate at a Christian church, I am going to attend a meeting at a church. REason---my sponsor and because it will bring in mew information. Anyway, I grew up living in fear of God etc. I am now getting reacquainted with a higher power on my terms---not my abusive fathers terms. Even though i have slipped, I have faith. It comes and goes. I am much better this year than since a child. So I must take it slow....Coming from a total newby!!
Hey Tyson Mike- I know what you're saying. Sometimes you have to go to a lot of meetings to find the home group that suits you. Sometimes you have to just take what you can get and let the stuff that irks you wash off you like water off a duck's back.
My home group is pretty suburban and antiseptic, but it's close to my house and fits my schedule so I continue going there anyhow. When I need a break from the bunnies and kittens and group hugs and thinly veiled references to GOD® I hit up some of the local NA meetings and hang out on the other end of the spectrum for a bit.
But in the end- no matter how much stuff irks me- I know it takes all kinds and I know who I am inside and I'm totally comfortable with my own spirituality (or lack of, depending on who's describing it) and the main thing is to just hang in there and try to get out of the program what works for you. Over time I think you might find that all the stuff that irks you in the beginning is just trivial details six months down the road.
) and have never heard one mention of Jesus Christ from a leader of a meeting and I'll bet I've only heard it a couple times from some over zellous persons. The mention of any particular religious sect denomination or creed would draw an immediate responce from the leader of the meeting or others, such as I'm responding to your comments now. It's not a common occurence and is not tollerated. 