I am so tired this morning. My son who is 16 in a couple of weeks and was supposed to be staying at his friends last night, woke me up at 4.45am (U.K.) time, with a loud bang.
I thought I had burglars but when I came downstairs, he is slumped over the table, unconscious through alcohol with his feet in the food that he had just dropped.
I managed to wake him up and told him to go to bed and we would talk when he is sober and that this behaviour is not acceptable in my house. His anser was "just cos you dont drink anymore, dont drag me down with you".
The way the drink affects him after he has picked that first one up and the places it is taking him, I believe we have a contender for this fellowship but all I can do is pray for Gods will for him on a daily basis.
One thing I do know though is that my sobriety comes first and foremost and as he is 16 in 2 weeks, if this carries on he will be told to leave my house and do this elsewhere.
I know my parents had to go through the same thing with me. They had stopped drinking, and my Dad just sat down and explained the theory of AA even though I rolled my eyes and thought they were out of touch. The funny thing is what he told me stayed with me. I had actually seen the change in my parents, and even though I was a blooming drunk, when I "hit bottom" I knew there was a program out there that worked. Keep up the strong example! Good Luck! Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Kudos to you for taking care of yourself, and trying to detach from his drinking. There is a bit of Al Anon in all of our relationships with those we love who are taking to the path of alcoholism. Have you tried Al Anon meetings or any of the literature? You sound in a good space today, though... I am so glad you are able to fortify and strengthen your own recovery in the face of a disruptive home life right now. Thinking of you today...
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Just as no one else could get me sober, I could not get my 17 yr old son sober. After going thru a very long list of trying everything, all to no avail, I finally had him arrested and mandated to an inpatient 12 step rehab. As a mother, I felt it my 'duty' to try all that I could. As an alcoholic, I pray that a head full of AA and a gut full of booze won't mix when he gets out......What happens & what he chooses to do will be up to to him. I can't control him. All I can do is take care of me, pray for him and be a support system should he choose to stay sober.
Hang in there and remember acceptance......Pray for your child, and do what you must.
(((hugs)))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I was one of those 16yo party animals and my mother had just one year of sobriety at that time. She now has 32. I told my son when he was that age that when he turns 18 it's off to college or off to work, but the operable phrase was that he was moving out of my house. I told him that I loved enough to let him go "experience life on life's terms" as soon as possible so that he didn't waste time figuring out what priorities in life are (working, paying bills etc...) In the 3 years that he's been gone he's only been back to the house about 5 times and spent the night twice. Sure I missed him but he's more mature at 21 then I was at 32.
I'm sorry that you have this worry over your son right now. But, as has already been said, nobody could get me sober except for me. You are being a great role model for him right now and I don't think that there is very much more that you can do.
I'm glad that you're putting your sobriety first.
Please keep posting and letting us know how it's going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hi Kaz, Have been there and am still going through those emotions. When AH moved out our three children rallied round and were on best behavior. Very touching also short lived. The eldest was the most resposible and moved out...his choice, found a job, went to college, ect. While I missed him I didn't worry too much and centered self on getting the other two through high school. The middle one decided that he could do as he pleased. Didn't like curfew, didn't want to study, ect. Was drinking. Many rounds over that. Than he got into stealing road signs. When a 'road close' gate appeared in my yard in full view, I gave him a choice. It was to be gone by the next night when I returned home or I called the police. Came home the next night. Sign gone and many lights on in the house with the back door wide opened. I was scared. Nothing missing on the first floor. Before I got upstairs, he drove in. He was moving out. 'No wonder Dad left you. You are a b......!" I cried yet let him go. Moved in with his A-aunt. I stood firm. No contact, no calls to plead. And left it to God. Now for the third. A daughter who was starting that road with alcohol. Barely 16 and brought home by a cop from another town. No charges. She promised no more drinking. Didn't keep it. I allowed her, her mistakes with the clear understanding 'not in my house' Brought home once again, by a friend who drove her car followed by our town's cop. Again....no charges. (What the hell?!) Third time.....brought home by the chief of police in our town. I had known him for a long time. I remained silent as he talked. By facial expression he could tell I was 'HOT'! Pissed me off after the third time of getting in my face and saying "Don't be angry. Remember we were once young." My reply....."Yes, we were.... and SOME OF US GREW UP!" After he left for 15 mins. silence while she put herself down. Finally she said "Damn you, say something! I know your not happy about this." Told her she had said it all and to go to bed we'd talk in the morning. We did, but not before, being a waken to a crash in the bathroom. Found her in quite a mess of which I kept calm and helped her to bath her and get her back to bed. The end result......a fine of $400 + and probation for a year. Good girl for that year, but the minute it ended.......went out to celebrate. Moving forward....into college, holding part time job (with full time hours) drinking here and there. Thanksgiving eve......revelation.....pregnant. Here we are to date......a beautiful grandson, a asst. mgrs job, still going to classes, and living with her boyfriend....... AND still drinking. Oldest works for Co. Sherriff's Dept. drinks. Middle is in National Guard.....drinks. AH is still the subtle winning influence. They are adults. I can't control nor do I try. They know my stand. Said it all long ago. In a heartbeat they 'hang out' with dad. Hurts like hell.....yet I remain silent and pray. I had/have let go. Whatever consequences they face.....is their choice. I have done my part to keep them sober.
