Yupper!! I screamed and kicked and cried..every time that my Mother held me under.
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Ass Ass ination is when they get you from behind...right?
Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
Its to pay the brain store..to buy more brain cells...so one can have more thoughts.
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Nope. Theres a used clothing store on the way up, where you donate to the needy. Everyone up there, runs around in the nude..Yippee!!
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
um...We have round boxes in Cana..du eh..
What disease did cured ham actually have?
well...um...I had a pet pig..that was an alky eh...He used to get pie eyed...from drinking the juices from the run off...from the corn silo...come to think of it...so did I.
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Cause we wanted to see>>first hand>>>how the cow jumped over it..the cat playing a fiddle..the little dog laughing>>and how a dish made it with a spoon.
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
I wake up every 2 hours eh>>and bump into doors on the way to the little boys room.
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Only if you take along a Hearing Aide.
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Have you ever spent time in a TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Its nice once in a while..to rise above others eh...and you can drop water balloon things on them...and they wont know where its all comming from.
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Hmmm...Every time I visit my doctor..He screams.."Leave your clothes on!!!"
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
I dont know why>>>but next time Im in my pantie and bra store? Im going to ask.
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Nobody eats burnt toast?? Its great smothered in butter>>>and for dipping in morning coffee.
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Well...i care Jimmy. If it werent for Jimmy>>where would popcorn come from?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
Only if the corpse can drive>>>He/She can likely drive better, then the idiot behind the wheel.
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
He could have eh>>>but he wanted to stay on the island with the chicks. More fun hu?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Goofy had viagara in his wheaties every morning.
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Did you ever see a Grocery Store..or a Resturant, in the middle of the desert? His only alternative was deliveries in an UPS truck.
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Baby Canola Plants.
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Yupper!! And Im proud to be one!!
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
I tried to find out eh>>but every time I started to sing? Someone belted me with a frying pan.
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Because im a moron.
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
An asteroid is a pimple on the outside of your butt...and a hemoroid is>>>hmm>>>well its the pimple on the inside of your butt, that you cant squeeze eh>>
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Bad breath might have something to do with it.
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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow?
It might be.
