When I started going out with my first serious girlfriend, who I later fell in love with, I was pretty much drinking every night, for no particular reason other than the fact that I liked to get drunk. By myself or with others, it didn't matter. Alcohol caused me and her to break up, but that's another story.
Even though we haven't been together for 8 months now, I still think about her everyday, the fact that she has a new boyfriend who is plowing her, I can't stop thinking about it. Every day. 8 months in a row. Because of this drinking is such an easy way to stop thinking about her and just have fun again, by myself or with others. I don't think about her 24/7 or anything, but she pops into my head at least once a day, usually many times.
I hate using alcohol as a way to stop thinking about her, yet I find myself doing it again and again, at least it takes my mind off that whole situatioin for a little while.
I've been sober again for a few days now and I DON'T want to drink but she just keeps appearing again and again. Maybe this is more of a rant than anything...and I suppose it's because it's first love as well, but FUCK I just wish I could erase her from my memory, and like I said the bottle at least temporarily does that. Ugh, if I could go back and do that relationship again...if only. The entire idea of her is seriously hindering my sobriety. Maybe this doesn't even belong on this forum, but how do I get her out of my mind...for good?
I wish I had an answer, considering I did the same thing in my last relationship. All I know is hitting the bottle to try and forget only makes it worse. I still think about it, but it is slowly becomming less frequent. Have you tried dating anyone else? Not that its a cure, but it helps.
From what you've posted I think two things are certain...first of all she's not coming back and second, if you keep using booze to numb yourself or because you like getting drunk you'll never have your heart broken again because no woman will ever want to be with you.
For this alcoholic, alcohol and relationships just don't mix. I almost lost my guy through my drinking.
Perhaps you could try getting to as many meetings as possible and avoid situations where you are going to bump into your ex. Just hang in there and it really will get better.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hey Paul. Good to see you back here. In order for a memory to fade you must not dwell on it. Dwelling on it makes the memory stronger. You must accept the fact that it is over. Thinking about how you could "do it over" is the opposite of letting it go and accepting that it is over. Repeat these phrases when the memory comes to mind "it is what it is" or "it is and it can't be otherwise". "one door must close before another can open". "we were just imcompatible". "she is not my type" , "there are plenty of other fish in the sea". These are statements of acceptence. Keep saying them and you will accept that it is over. And after you say them, start thinking about something else. Better yet DO something else, like exercise, go to a meeting, go hang out with your sober guy friends (you Do have those right? ) and engage in some activiety. That's the power of the fellowship of AA. Me make friends in the program and go and do stuff with them socially so that we don't sit around alone, feeling sorry for ourselves, and drinking.
More importantly, your disease does Not want you to accept it because it can keep you drinking over it. Get busy and quit feeling remorseful about this. Everthing has a beginning a middle and an end, especially relationships. Nothing lasts forever, get used to it, and change.
2 years into a relationship with the 'man of my dreams' he gave me an ultimatum - Him or Booze. I went to AA.
The next 3 years in AA resulted in a few short lived relapses, hard work, a lot of tears, a lot of heartache and ME ending the relationship with HIM because I am stronger, I can intuitively handle situations now that I could not before and I know as long as I stay sober I will continue to thrive. I also know that I have yet to meet the 'man of dreams' .........
AA has taught me that drinking is just a symptom of what the real problem is - LIFE. In sobriety I'm learning to live life with all it's heartaches & the mistakes of my past and today I want to feel whatever it is. I no longer have a desire to drown those feelings in booze.
I'm glad you're here and I hope you'll check out an AA meeting. What have ya got to lose?
((hugs))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
How one goes through these stages...could be different from others...but its all basically the same stuff.
Alcohol will just slow the process down..
Time takes time...
Took this kid almost 2 years to get through the last relationship greiving process..I kept fighting with it all..and it became an almost daily obsession of the mind..pure hell.....stuck in a black hole of depression.
All I can say is what has been suggessted already...meetings meetings and more meetings..
And..
It WILL get better..
And..
You Will get through it.
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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow?
It might be.
I think the best advise I ever heard for others, Im married so it doesnt apply, is not to start a relationship until youre at least a year sober. Makes sense to me...How can we work on ourselves if we have all the drama of a relationship messing with our minds. Its hard enough dealing with a hubby on some days and cant imagine starting something new. Good luck, hit meetings, and like theyve all said...it will get better!!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Recovering from a loss takes time, and pain. And everytime we pick up a drink to "forget", we take 2 steps back, and it is as though it was the first day without our other again, once we sober up.
The only way to get THROUGH anything is THROUGH it, not around it, or jump over it, or keep drinking and thereby stand still.
Stay sober. Feel the feelings, with HELP. Once they are behind you, they can never hurt you as badly again. But when we try to drink our way through it, we do not move forward. We stay stuck, no matter how long.
Take care, my friend. Please let recovery take you through this and to the other side.... blessings and peace, and better things await you, if you only keep coming back.
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
) and engage in some activiety. That's the power of the fellowship of AA. Me make friends in the program and go and do stuff with them socially so that we don't sit around alone, feeling sorry for ourselves, and drinking.