I've been perusing the messages here on occasion but I haven't posted in a long time. Reading Allison's (Nique's) post from a few days ago shook me up and has motivated me to post again. I have been taking narcotic pain pills, legitimately, for a back problem, but I started getting concerned that I was taking them too often and relying on them to make me feel good. I realize now that continuing to take them would put me on the road to drinking. I have been feeling disappointed, ashamed, and disgusted wtih myself. The other day, something just came over me and I took the bottle out, dumped the pills on the ground, and smashed every one, right there next to my car in a parking garage. I had told myself I would stop taking them when I ran out, but it was really important to me that I got rid of them instead. I could have just kept taking them and telling myself that I have a good reason to take them. But I needed to be free, and now I am (for today, God willing). Whatever happens this afternoon, tonight, tomorrow, I don't have to be shackeled by substances, and I can start learning how to deal with life on life's terms, as they say. It may not always be easy, or pretty, but at least it will be real and honest. That is all I'm asking of myself today.
Well said and done, but in all fairness to Allison, a good thrashing is in order. So you only come draging in here when your @$$ falls off huh? Glad that you're back. I guess you just proved that you're not perfect, welcome to the club. The only step that we need to do perfectly is step one. It's good , when coming back or starting over, to read the first step every day for a week or more. My old sponsor used to say "read it three times and if you still don't get it, then eat the book"
Aw, shucks. I just came back to make sure you're behaving, Dean.
Seriously though, I'm a flipping idiot, and a lucky one at that. I played with fire, got scared, and ran back to this safety net (and to meetings). Lucky for me that, having had a few months of sobriety (and less drama), I seem to have a much lower threshold for danger. So, I need to work on getting past my BIG HUGE DENIAL PROBLEM. There, I said it. And some humility would probably help, too. I now see what happens when I'm running the show.
Anyway, I'm really glad to be here, among friends, and not hiding anymore.
Hi Jen Glad to see you posting and facing your addictions! It isnt always easy but you did taste the fruits of sobriety and know it is a softer , easier way then the choas of using! Keep on being honest with yourself and those around you! Today is always a brighter day!!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
