Things coming outta left field... Don't think I'm not equipped or ready for any of this... In my circle of HG winners that I surround myself with, there's a guy that I've always gotten along with moreso than any of the other men, always been able to talk to about my son and he's always available when I've needed a positve male role model for my son and about a month back this guy came to my phsyical rescue when the kid was threatening me. Get the picture? Just friends, just AA buds. Well, he called the other night & after our usual chatting, he asked me to dinner. Now, he is very aware of my John, but says 'just dinner, you deserve something special." I found myself a little excited and my heart might just have skipped a beat for a second. I'm not sure if it's real or just the flattery of it all. Before you think it, let me just say he's not a 13th stepper & he's not a bum who relapses every 31 days. He's an upstanding guy with a great heart & some good recovery. He's fully aware that I intend to be a good example of AA (no relationships till ready, etc) and he's fully aware that I am not ready to give up my John just yet. And I would tell John as we have somewhat of an open relationship........Sooooooooo..... Am I treading on dangerous ground? I do like this man, but have no intentions of doing what I"ve always done, so to speak, as I have no desire to get what I've always gotten. I am not the same person I was 3 short years ago, Hell! 3 short months ago. I have close to 10 months of continous sobriety & I think some pretty good recovery that I've really been working hard for. Do you think I could be jeopardizing that? ............ I told him I had to talk it over with my sponsor and God and I'd let him know... The 'kicker' is he just moved 2 hours away for a job, so it's not like we'd see each other all the time but we've discussed 'when he comes home for weekends" going out some, movies, dinner, bike riding etc...My sponsor says ' dinner & friendship is fine.".... Ya'll hit me with some honesty. The last thing I want is another relapse!Or to complicate my life anymore than it all ready is.....
-- Edited by Doll at 21:17, 2008-07-15
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
You ask for honesty so i'll give it . yes I think you are treading on dangerous ground, You seem as if you are interested romantically , i'd say he clearly is good chance of one of you ending up hurt, or you hurting john.
Good luck
Bryan
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Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
Phil, life is short and getting shorter for this old gal......Yep I might just have some romantic feelings for this guy, I've never really thought about it till a couple days ago. You've made some good points, Bryan, but I guess you've not been around long enough to know the whole story as the old timers on here do. John and I have an agreement of an open relationship, we will never have anymore than we do at this point so we've always agreed should an opportunity present itself and we wanted to pursure it, we would.....He'd be OK with it, really, he would as long as it's platonic, which it would be.
-- Edited by Doll at 21:29, 2008-07-15
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Honestly.....no one except you can make this choice. I realize this sounds a bit like I'm ditching out on you.......but it is the WHOLE of what we all here have learned. We can't control, can do 'it' for, can't choose for.......another. When the adultery in my marriage occurred and then led to AH moving out.......my kids each at one time or another was pushing the idea of 'getting out there' almost to the point of suggesting one night stands. For split seconds here and there.....the idea seem so intriguing, yet in my heart of hearts.......I knew #1 I'd be doing it more for revenge than anything and #2 I was still reeling from shock that AH had done this #3 I simply wasn't ready to delve into dating let alone one night stands. That's NOT who I am, nor was it who I WANTED to be. I love my kids for wanting me to be happy. Right along with the many friends and other relatives. Time has passed.....acceptance of the situation, ect. and I have no desire to date or even go out 'just as friends'. That hasn't stopped others from trying to get me too. Truth......I feel as if HP puts people in our path for particular reasons..... and I conclude that if He wanted me to do so He'd put that person in my path. Call it instinct, call it intuition, call it God speaking to us.......our own heart always seems to make us aware of the answers we need. AA speaks often that those battling the disease SENSE/KNOW before they enter the doors that they have a problem. I trully believe that goes with just about everything we face in life. Listen to your heart carefully........ Wanda
I think if you were ready or really looking for this, a more fitting title would have been chosen. There is a certain angst in your words. "Like, what else can go wrong ?"
Search your heart. If you have to ask yourself "Am I setting myself up ?" , you probably are. You wouldn't ask yourself that if you were going out for lunch with your girlfriends would you ? There seems to be a lot of thoughts, feelings and concern over this dinner. Go to an open meeting instead. It can't hurt you. And then bring it to your Higher Power.
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I'm proud to say I am an Alcoholic, and my name is Scott.
If the plan for me is divinely inspired, no man shall find fault with where I am today, or how I got here.
Yep. I have been checking my motives in all of this. Have been questioning myself as to if they are along the lines of this being a catalyst for John to either sh*$ or get off the pot, or if I really want to spend time 1 on 1 with this guy.......My emotions are all over the place at this point in time, with the things going on with my son, my heart is full, so absolutely 'angst' is present.... (((hugs)))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hi Doll Its always exciting when someone new comes into our lives and finds us attractive and wants to spend time with us. Do keep it simple. You never know where you'll end up and I like what was said about God putting people in our lives for a reason! Have fun with it...... (whats with all these long distant things!!!lol)
I have no suggestions regarding the big old dating scene as Ive been married 22 years!!! I do know my character defects creep in when people are paying attention to me and I get wrapped up in that! So, good luck, pray hard, share with others and it will work out the way your HP intended!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
