Well, folks, I hit a bit of a rough patch this week.  On Monday, when reading my morning meditation books, my mind focused on the fact that this was the week when I relapsed four years ago after almost 18 years sober.  Then, my mind went to:  "you would have been sober 22 years next month."  It had been several months since I had spent any time focused on those regrets (I will be 22 months sober again on July 2).

Then, Monday afternoon, I got an email out of the blue from my college sweetheart--a relationship I was responsible for destroying due to my alcoholism.  After 25 years, I still haven't fully gotten over him, so my mind then went down the memory lane of regret and remorse and what-ifs.

Every meeting I went to this week was uncomfortable because lots of folks were celebrating multiple years of sobriety, and I got caught up in self-pity and envy.  I "put on the good face," and just tried to struggle through it.  Then, Wednesday night, after my second meeting of the day, I just "lost it" and broke down in tears and the old "F--k it."  I finally called my sponsor and told her exactly where my head was.  She made me come over her house on Thursday, and we started back in the 12 and 12 at Step One.  I've been directed by her to read Step One in full from the 12 and 12 each morning for the next 30 days.

Today was a little bit better, but work was absolutely crazed with various emergencies and I missed my 7 p.m. meeting where I was supposed to see my sponsor.

I'm just trying to stay focused on "This Too Shall Pass."  Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.