I am having big time troubles today!!!!! I feel I need to write, scream something other than picking up a damn drink!!!!!!!!!!! I had yet again another Uncle die, that's two within three months,had to also grieve over a friend who committed suicide this time last year. Phil, as you know I also had a very dear friend of mine (DMV's husband)die just a few months ago also due to this damn illness. I am overwelmed today! I am also waiting any day now to get a call from a friend's husband who has A.L.S.
I need some words of inspiration, something, anything to help get me through this.
My uncle died alone!!!
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"Life is full of friends I have yet to meet" My Quote
: I am standing on the seashore. : A ship sails and spreads her white sails to the : morning breeze and starts for the ocean. : She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her : 'til at last, she fades on the horizon. : And someone at my side says, "She is gone." : Gone where?
: Gone from my sight, that is all. : She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars : as she was when I saw her : And just as able to bear her load of living freight to : its destination.
: The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, : not her; : and just at the moment when someone at my side says, : "She is gone," : There are others who are watching her coming : and other voices take up a glad shout : "There she comes!"
: and that is DYING.
: DEATH is nothing at all. : I have only slipped away to the next room. : I am me and you are you, whatever we were to each : other we are that still.
: Call me by my old familiar name. : Speak to me in the easy way, which you always used. : Put no difference into your tone. : Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. : Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
: Play, smile, think of me, and pray for me. : Let my name be ever a household word that it always was. : Let it be spoken without effort, without the ghost of a shadow in it. : Life means more than it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. : There is absolute unbroken continuity...
: Why should I be out of your mind because I am out of your sight? : I am but waiting for you, for an interval somewhere, : very near, just around the corner.
-- Edited by Cabbageheadchris at 16:24, 2005-01-10
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
Hi Donna, My condolences on your losses my prayers and thoughts are with you sis. remember no one dies alone there higher power is allways with them. our loved ones know that we care and love them and that we allways will.
There are so many things in life that we hafta accept in a daily basis. So many.
Its not easy some days. It causes us pain--we get angry--we get upset.
But yu know we feel, how we feel.
Separations, death, changes, ---people that we care for and love move, or pass on, or get sick and we watch them fade away--and yes. Some days we just want to scream "What the "H" is going on here???
I work with people once a week that are dying. As much as I try to hold it together with a small coat of armour, I scream inside. I cry inside. I try to wear a smile, and I get back a peace from these people that Ive never experienced in my life.
They have acceptance of tomorrow. I try to give what I can to them--whether it be a ride, or Timmys, or support meetings, but yu know? It just doesnt seem like enough.
We greive a loss, we greive what happened in yesterdays. All part of the process of life. We try to deal with life on lifes terms. Some days just arent easy.
On wednesday afternoon Im taking a person with a disease to the city for an appointment, and then back to an evening support group. Fourty nine years old--4 months to live.
They have more acceptance of life, one day at a time than I ever had.
Even tho Shit happens around us and in our lives on a daily basis. We hafta be pretty grateful for just "BEING"
We are a few of the select few that were chosen my freind. The rest have passed on, or are in phyco wards. Donna ? We care. We never used to. But we do now.
Big diffrence from the self centered persons, some of used to be. Acceptance is the key. Giving of ourselves is the key. Of ourselves we are nothing.
And there is a God.
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Donna, I'm sorry for all the losses you have experienced in your life lately. I'm glad you are reaching out and sharing,don't stuff the anger, hurt or tears, and most of all don't drink.
You are in my prayers,and God knows how you are feeling and He is listening to you too.
Donna, when I lost my father, mother and my father-in-law due to alcoholism, I told my sponsor at the time that I thought once I got into AA, things would get better. She reminded me that perhaps God brought me into AA to make me stronger and able to deal with life on life's terms. She was right, really, because had I still been drinking I don't think I could have handled it all without having done away with myself.
This too will pass, Donna... trust God and yourself. Hang in there and know that you're loved and prayers are with you. I'm so glad I'm here and you're here... and it does get better.
Sending you lots of love Donna. Everything is going to be okay. When we think of death as a passing, it is sometimes easier to give thanks for what folks pass on to us, instead of looking at what we lost. When my Grandfather died, there was such a hole in my life, that I wondered if I would ever fill it. I was asked to write his eulogy and doing this involved an inventory of his goodness and life giving graces. Once I had done this, I realised how important it was that I attempt in my own small way to continue passing these things on to the best of my ability. I was determined his life was not one to be lived in vain. His blood still pumps through my veins, his kindness, his patience, his quiet generosity, his sense of humour - these are the things that can live on in me. I try to honour that. I hope that perspective helps. I feel for you right now and hope you are not on your own.
Cabbagehead - that was one of the most lifting pieces of writing I have ever read. Thankyou.
I get angry too at the destructiveness of .... this disease.... and I get mad at my helplessness to save people. This is part of real grief ... it is a terrible thing. This is not what God meant for our lives. I feel overwhelmed by all the loss and destruction, and waste of good lives that had so much potential. I argue with God,,, and I tell Him how I feel. Guess what? He understands. His Son went through a lot and died too. But His Son rose again so that what was simply to a meaningless death and destruction and nothingness can be more. Thru the Resurrection, which I believe in, though I understand that not everyone does, things work out. Romans 8:28 says, "God works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called to His purposes". That makes all the difference to me, and is where my hope is.
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
I can also relate. A good friend of mine died over the holidays. She was back out there and had untreated Hepatitis B. I heard it was gruesome death. A friend said she was unrecognizable. I am so glad I didn't see her like that. Others I know have lost people recently due to involvement with drugs and alcohol. It's not unlike being at war. It takes courage to be in this program. Learning to grieve is big part of our recovery. Rebecca
