As some of you know I live on a farm in outback Australia. Some days I wake up wondering what on earth the next mountain will be I will have to climb, and ALWAYS ALWAYS think respectfully of those who have gone before us, and built the roads I ride on, and the lil towns I go to get supplies from etc. Our early settlers inspire me enormously, as I can always give thanks that AT LEAST I have tools, transport, technology, power and communication.
The Christmas/New Year period has been filled with mechanical mayhem, which a day at a time we have managed to resolve. Power probs, water pump probs, car and bike probs... and the grande finale still awaiting me - is a blocked septic. Mmm. I am destined to be knee-deep in sh*t and I will just have to laugh, because I know it is exactly where I'm meant to be.
Yesterday, I met a couple who were kind enough to take me on a tour of their farm. 19 years ago they set out with a dream very much like mine. They bought some cheap land (cheap always means na---asty soil!) and they set about improving their little piece of Aus and creating the world they wanted to live in. I was lucky to get two separate tours, as hubby took us around first and then his wife showed me again through her eyes. It was truly a testament to their passion, kindness and thoughtfulness - every tree planted so thoughtfully and lovingly tended and every animal greeted me with a loving nature.
As hubby walked around, showing me what he had built and telling me what still needed doing and how there just never seemed to be enough time, I smiled. I am the same. Always have this endless to-do list... He showed me his "recreation area" where he swims twice a day and had created from a barren patch of dirt. Absolutely gorgeous. He showed me the pump he's built from a corolla motor - and I was so impressed. He could name each tree he'd planted and made me taste every fruit he grew. They were lovely. He showed me his dairy - the second one he'd built apparently and I loved the way he introduced it with a list of things that he still wanted to do. When I asked him about his fencing, he didn't hesitate - he just said straight out "Oh, you'll have to ask the missus about that. She does the fencing." I doubt folks would understand how pleased this made me feel.
Sometimes I feel a bit alien. I'm not one for sitting in kitchens much. Actually the kitchen is probably the most unlikely place you'll find me. I decided I best take her up on her offer for a coffee after all. Which led to her tour - turned out she wasn't too comfy in the kitchen either! She showed me the goat runs and breeding pens and I looked around thinking... WoW. She showed me the orchard, the rainforest "retreat", an old outhouse she'd built in "the early days" and pointed out the natual wildlife. She walked me to her neighbours fence to look at what the land used to be like. I looked at the gravelly weed-ridden paddock and back at the rich rainforest they'd created...
There are times when I wonder why I'm here... am I fighting an uphill battle? Can I really transform this neglected piece of land into the paradise I see in my mind?
Yes. I can. My new friends had blazed a trail of hope. They'd done it! Despite the obstacles, that still arise in each day, they'd done it! They stood in the world they had created for themselves, and they shared their triumphs and dissapointments and they inspired me, SO MUCH!
I came home in a totally different frame of mind. For some time, I'd been checking in and out of here, thinking I really could do with a real time meeting! I was starting to sink into a feeling of isolation (There are no meetings within a few hundred k's) and wondering what my life was all about. There just seemed to be such a lot going wrong and I was growing somewhat war weary. My higher power sent me a meeting - of a very inspiring kind.
I was reminded to take an inventory - take stock of myself, as the case may be. Consider my values, beliefs, abilities and limitations and re-assert the goal as being progress. Sometimes we really need to see that things are possible - that our dreams or wishes for ourselves can become a reality. That whatever we are struggling with leads to the goal we set ourselves. I never got sober to just become some sort of cardboard cut-out. I wanted to change my life and the world around me in whatever small way I could. I wanted to be so much more than I was. A drunk with nothing to say, show or share.
The whole experience reminded me of AA, the program, the people... so I thought I would share it. I hope it's not interpreted as way off track - but the truth is, the grog just didn't factor into it. Today is about living sober, and I feel very alive today.
Hey!! Nic, my freind. What a beautiful, honest, giving share.
There are no words that I can really say, except to add that YES Buddy--youve said it all.
Nothing to add.
Youve painted a picture. I can see it. I can feel it.
You have a serene weekend my freind.
On the lighter side:) I remember the out houses. I remember those days. Life was simple. Life wasnt complicated. Life was good. Getting water from the old hand pump outside. Riding a 28 year old horse to round up the cows that we milked, without machines. Walking a mile and a half to school each day--28 students. Putting feet in an old wood stove in the living room in winter to warm them up.
Baby pigs in a cardboard box behind the stove keeping warm. And six kids sneaking them into bed late at night.
Ploughing through snow in the middle of the night to get to the outhouse:) Jee sus
Making caves in snowbanks in the middle of winter--roads closed for days at a time.
Granny showing us how to make cookies on a Saturday afternoon.
Walking through the bush 2 miles away to cut a Xmas tree.
Going fishing with a 5 gallon pail, and carting it home full of fish--had to drag it-couldnt carry it.
No TV--just an old radio that I used to listen to The Lone Ranger on, and Hockey games.
Yup-you brought back a lot of memories freind.
How one can take a dream-and turn it all into reality, and make it happen, one day at a time.
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Thanks so much, Nic. Recovery is about our lives.... our good experiences in recovery, the ones that recovery make possible,,, our strength, the strength that we now find to deal with things like cleaning out the septic with good humor,,, and our hopes, the ones that we now have since recovery makes more things possible.. The program is not all about solely sharing our horrible histories and negative difficulties.
I really needed a share like that right now. It is inspiring. Remember... progress and not perfection as you strive toward your dreams.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
