Reading Bryan's story made me realize I need to share a bit of my own, for me, and if it helps someone else in the process, then that's a double blessing. My son is going thru such a hard time right now and I need the reminder that he is his mother's child........
The first time I ever got drunk I was 6 yrs old. My 14 yr old sister and her friend were drinking Boone's Farm Strawberry wine and I said I'd tell if they didn't give me some! Not sure how much it took, but I was plastered by 3 that summer afternoon and I remember vaguely my sister freaking out cause Mom would be home in 2 hrs. I guess it all turned out OK, cause I have no recollection of anything after that......between that time and the time I was 13 I remember getting a 1/2 glass of beer from time to time from my grandfather or my Mom's b/f when we'd go fishing on the weekends. My mother didn't drink but would have wine or champagne that was given to her as gift around the holidays and she would allow me a small amount on Christmas or New Years, I'd then sneak and drink out of the bottle from time to time always making sure to see where to re-fill it with water so she wouldn't notice it was gone. Then at some point when it was completely nothing but tap water I'd volunteer to clean out the fridge and say to her "this is sooo old" and I'd pour it down the drain. At 13 I got a friend's brother to buy me a bottle (of all things) Slow Gin. A g/f and I took it to my bedroom along with a bottle of pepsi and snacks and proceeded to get plastered. My mom found out when I puked! I never to this day told her where the booze came from.......by 15 I was pretty much on my own and my life consisted of making to the weekend so I could drink. My mother never questioned where I was going, who I was with or when I'd be home UNLESS it in some way caused a problem for her. My friends were all older, upwards of 20 and lived on their own so it was easy to have a place to hang out and party. I never felt comfortable in my own skin, never felt likeable or pretty unless I was drinking......My then b/f, who became my 1st husband and the father of my child was a big partier. Drugs and booze were his main focus and on my 17th birthday I moved in with him! ..........
~ to be continued........
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
sound familiar Doll, thanks for sharing. Amazing how many of us probably drank boones farm wine as teenagers. Now I have a mountain in Boone, NC. Kind of ironic dontcha think?
Great share doll and I love the title, LOL , When I decided to write my story I was thiunking of the newcomers trying to decide if AA is for them I was surprised by how much I got out of it.
I'll keep reading
Bryan
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Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
~~~~ The only way I managed to graduate HS and keep a job was by using cocaine to get me through the hangover days (Yep! This gal is also a drug addict). I thought I was only partying a little, since I didn't drink everday and managed to function......by the time I was 20, married and living the 'American dream" (owned a house, had a job and making payments on a brand new car) I knew I was in trouble. But didn't know I was an alcoholic or an addict. I should have gotten a clue when my husband moved on to crack because his nose had collapsed and he could no longer snort the coke! I rationalized I was not an addict because I only smoked cracked (or used other drugs occasionally) after I'd had 6 or 8 beers. Insanity for sure!
From 20 to 24 my life was all about drinking on the weekends, drugging and fighting with my husband! I cheated on him, he cheated on me. I left him, moved to PA (geographical cure?!) but returned to him after only a month. I then became pregnant with our son and somehow managed to stay clean until my 7th month, then I read somewhere that a baby's brain was fully developed by then, yada, yada, so I proceeded to have a couple beers now and then thru the last 2 months of pregnancy. Always careful not to drink too much (good Lord, it's not a wonder my kid is nuts, huh!). .......... All the while being terrified something would be wrong with my son. Low and behold, he was born healthy. I guess I felt as if I'd 'gotten away with something"...... By the time my son was 2, I was tired of the fighting. I used drugs for the LAST time on Oct 30, 1992 and left my husband for my drinking buddy the next day, Halloween! (Geographical cure, again?!).
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-- Edited by Doll at 08:50, 2008-05-24
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Thanks doll... Im ready to hear the rest of the story! Tickle pink!!!! Remember that one...Strange, I was taking a nap before work tonight and I was dreaming about that stuff!!!! Eerie!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
My son and I moved into an apt Oct 31, 1992, I'd already put up a deposit, had utilities on, etc about 2 weeks before we left. I had been planning this for quite some time.
My drinking buddy "D" was a guy 4 yrs younger than me and had been friends with my husband from work. Most times when "D" came by to hang out my husband was not home, I now know he was with other women & wanted to kill him for that, but how could I, as I was not faithful to him either. I was notorious for one night stands, mostly with his other friends and only when I was completely plastered! Anyway, "D" & I had a lot in common, reading, music (DeadHeads) but mostly drinking, he was crazy about my son and was always a good friend to me thru the rough days of the divorce process and custody battle. So, it was easy to move on to him that Halloween day. "D" spent a lot time at my place and before I knew it he'd pretty much moved in. He was a strong shoulder for me because fNov 1992 through Feb 1994 consisted of a huge custody battle & a long drawn out divorce process. My ex wanted our son, and he wanted nothing more than to hurt me in any way that he could. I, still not knowing I am alcoholic/addict, hired a PI. I wanted proof he was still smoking crack/drinking and should not even be allowed visitation. In hindsight I looked forward to those weekend visits, it gave me the excuse to drink and party. Many Sundays when I had to pick my son up I'd be so hungover, if I'd gotten stopped I'd probably have gotten a DUI. I was careful never to drink too much when my son was at home, for a while anyway. As time went on, I had 6 months that I was unemployed, but I still took him to daycare, and I drank all day 2-3 times a week and would go pick him up trying to walk straight and not get too close to any of the care providers. Thinking about that now hurts to the bone.
The custody battle ended with me being the custodial parent and the ex paying $61/week child support, and a judge ordered that 'no one of the opposite sex who is not a blood relative can be in the home overnight', so 4 days after this was settled, I married my "D"!
Now keep in mind, even though "D' was that 'strong shoulder' & a 'good friend" he was also controlling and just down right mean as hell sometimes. He drank everyday, all day. Beer. He never acted drunk unless he was hitting some liquor, which was only once in a while, special occasions or holidays. So his opening a beer at 7am when I was having coffee was not a concern, really....
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-- Edited by Doll at 20:51, 2008-05-25
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
