Hello everyone! I hope it's okay to post an introduction here...I wasn't sure if there were other forums for that purpose.
First I would like (well actually need) to say that I am an alcoholic. It is very difficult for me to accept this b/c I can go without a drink for a few days but then as soon as I do have a drink (and I always give in) I go from sober to plastered in not time at all... Then I wake up in the morning hating myself for screwing up...I sulk....I beat myself up....swear off booze....then rinse and repeat.
To make things a bit more complicated, I am also Bipolar II. So when I go into a hypomanic episode, I self medicate with booze to quiet the whirlwind of thoughts.
I cannot do this alone. I've resigned my DIY attitude and look forward to the support....and supporting others. Thanks a bunch!!
Welcome EVE!!!!!! You did the right thing by introducing yourself and starting a thread. You'll be amazed at how many people actually take the time to greet and welcome you here. Your story is similar to others on here so do not feel alone! Ive gotten such joy from sharing and getting to know the great people on here! Read some old posts and you'll see just how much love and support is on here!
Welcome and I hope you keep coming back! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
"I am also Bipolar II" ____________________________________________________________________________
Welcome Eve, you'll find your story is not uncommon , I found in the process of sobering up that I am clinically depressed and was self medicating. I would urge you to find a meeting if you haven't and keep posting .
Bryan
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Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
Bryan, if you don't mind me asking...is your depression managed with medication or has becoming sober "lifted" you moods where you do not need meds? I know I will alway need meds, but I hope that I will be able to manage my moods easier with recovery.
I'm relieved to know that I'm not strange or different in comparison to others who are alcoholics.
I think my fear of being different (and accordingly judged) has kept me from going to a meeting.
I was searching for some encouragement and found this:
"Intensely negative emotions such as fear, shame, and guilt obstruct the road to recovery and detour the alcoholic-addict away from what is good for him(for example, AA meetings, therapy, rehab) and toward what is bad for him(isolation, secrecy, alcohol and drugs)."
So in essence, my fear is first of all; my crutch...or scapegoat. Then second of all, it is undermining my recovery.
Even with this said, I am TERRIFIED to be in a room with people I don't know. Sometimes I think that my fear is the hardest thing to overcome....but the most crutial to recovery.
The resulting isolation is detrimental to both managing my mental illness and recovery. But knowing all of this does not lessen the fear of being vulnerable.
The funny thing is...When you go to a meeting, chances are you will see people you know. Not to scare you off because I had the big fear of seeing people I knew, but it was comforting to know that I wasnt alone!
Jump in and just get to your first meeting! You'll be surprized at how friendly people are! You dont have to share your first time and just listening to others helped me realize that I was right where I was supposed to be....You will be amazed!!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
What a wonderful name. You have the name of our Mother from the begininng. SO you have alot of Fears going on. I will be happy to lift you up in prayer. I am also blessed with co-occuring disorders ( bi-polar ) along with Fibromyalgia. The great news is that I have a Birthday on 2-19-94.
SInce there is 1 in 4 people with a mental illness no one should be looking at anyone with judgement. And since most of us all pray the Lord's prayer after each and every meeting.
read the Lord's Prayer where we go to " and FORGIVE US OUR TRESSPASSES as WE FORGIVE OTHERS THERE TRESSPASSES, as it is in HEAVEN. "
Eve, Bryan, ALcoholism is a mental illness too! If someone judges you it shows just how uneducated they are about Alcoholism and Mental illness.
Bi-Polar is treatable with meds and I have what I have so what. My husband has Diabetes 2. I would rather have this.
Today, Yesterday, and Tomarrow I am filled with Blessings and a Heart full of Gratitude to GOd, through his children.
Hi Eve ! Welcome ! One of the amazing things about AA is that, once you start going to meetings, you will find that there are many,many people that have had the same or similar problems , issues, challenges as you. You will also experience an amazing amount of understanding and acceptance, because we pretty much all have been through the same things and have similar problems. I also didn't drink every day ( although it was going there in the last period before I stopped ) but once I had a few I basically couldn't have enough. You will learn in AA that this is normal alcoholic behaviour and how and why this happens to us and not to normal non-alcoholic persons. I had serious depression whilst drinking. I am still on medication and still have to deal with what I call the Big Black Gorilla ocasionally, but so much easier and better than before ! AA is (imo) about living live sober, which a lot of us were scared of or thought we couldn't do. NOT TRUE! Life without alcohol is amazing, in particular for those of us with depression as alcohol is a very powerfull depressant in itself, not even taking all its other destructive results.
