I want to change careers . . . I need a friend . . .I'm ready to be in a relationship . . .
Regularly, we become aware of new needs. We may need to change our behavior with our children. We may need a new couch, love and nurturing, a dollar, or help.
Do not be afraid to recognize a want or need. The birth of a want or need, the temporary frustration from acknowledging a need before it's met, is the start of the cycle of receiving what we want. We follow this by letting go, then receiving that which we want and need. Identifying our needs is preparation for good things to come.
Acknowledging our needs means we are being prepared and drawn to that which will meet them. We can have faith to stand in that place in between.
Today, I will let go of my belief that my needs never get met. I will acknowledge my wants and needs, and then turn them over to my Higher Power. My Higher Power cares, sometimes about the silliest little things, if I do. My wants and needs are not an accident. God created me and all my desires.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I didn't get this concept for a long time. I was always focusing on the needs of others and ignoring my own. It got me into trouble big-time and was a part of my addiction (or need for addiction).
Now I try to pay attention when my self is telling me I need something. And try to distinguish wants from needs. :)
Great post for me today, Qx I said to myself awhile ago I was ready for a relationship & my blooming friendship with Carl came to the fore & the two of us ventured into new territory for us both in recovery. A sober realtionship. Neither of us has seen the other in any other state. Great! Compared notes of wants & needs from the onset & agreed on own ideas of love, higher power, interdependence, etc. 6 weeks later & all's going lovely. No nasty surprises or emotional shocks.
Early days, yes, but nevertheless hoping to continue in the theme of a fantastic start. So, the two of us mindful of recovery & though much in common by way of caring for the other & values in life, so different in approach, manners & boundaries too. With his strong sense of self, Carl's capable of spending lots of time together & still get much done but myself & my easily distracted & engulfed head habits coupled with procrastination & lack of discipline, I need space to do much else including social, hobbies & Stepwork. I will spoil myself if I don't keep concentrated on these other aspects.
So, we spoke tonight & though he'd already suspected my need for space he hadn't presupposed or suggested anything as he's very mindful of enforcing any of his will onto me. His selfwill by his own recognition has been a big problem for him in the past so he puts alot of work into turning it over & having words with his HP on a regular basis ~ hourly, daily, by the minute, whatever it takes. He's very good like that & a good example to me if I'm willing to be influenced in that way lol My fear in letting my need for space be known was that I didn't want him to feel rejected or to reject me!
Well, I voiced my concern of the expense in our time together & though extremely enjoyable, fun, healing, loving & ace I was finding it too much to be planning every opportunity we'd like to spend together. This could be good for other couples in the throes of loves young dream but for two in recovery I felt for us it was crucial for us to get the balance right & learn from all previous mistakes. Being that time together is incredibly tempting & addictive I realised that I had to make sure it wasn't to the detriment of all my other needs. I liked Dean's point of it being important for it to be a case of 'making time' for the other &, as with Carl, I already have a busy life too.
Carl's amazingly sensitive & flexible to all this stuff. His ego doesn't vie or fight for anything & I have AA to thank for its grounding principles & influence between us. I'm glad I took at least a good 14mths to be single in recovery & it has taught me much in regards to sensible compromise & having my needs met in sensible proportions. The trick for me is to remember this stuff & keep on practicing it. I realised that I have needs to meet in order to make this happen & having a chat with Carl tonight to reaffirm healthy boundaries on mutual understanding was both empowering & fulfilling.
I felt a great gratitude in voicing these needs for the opportunity to meet them & Carl loved my honesty. It helped continue to build in our respect & meant that he can also count on my compromise to work on anything he wants or needs too which is obviously another balance for us to share. So, the story so far.. Everything's good between us & we're living 1Day@aTime. There's loads of love & promise for us but keeping it in the day is helping us to concentrate on other things that are also very important to us as independent & individual people. Just for today ~ relating & meeting needs well! Thanks for helping me share this with everyone, Carol :) Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Hi Danielle Sounds like the "honesty" route is working well for you! God bless AA!!! I love your share and am still so amazed at how far you have come! Wow!! Carl sounds like a winner!!!!!!
Best of love and sobriety to you!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
