I was moved by everyone's responses to my last post. I don't feel deserving of any of it, but I thank you all. I feel a little less wretched than yesterday, less angry, and somewhat reflective. I went to church this morning and wound up substituting for a Sunday school teacher who didn't show up. I had to laugh: me, a Sunday school teacher? If my old drinking "friends" had seen me they would have laughed. Then about halfway through, as I was taking these little children up for communion it hit me: there is no way I would be doing this if I weren't sober. I was entrusted with the safety of small children to receive communion. Me. That means either 1) all the parents who trusted me with their kids are crazy, or 2) I have at least some redeeming qualities, and maybe I'm supposed to stick around. I am still blue, confused, and exhausted, and I don't want to do ANYTHING other than lie on the couch. But I'm going to call my sponsor and try to get to a meeting. Thanks everyone.
we're all going have "down time" now an then. We always did, but we masked it with booze, so we didn't notice. I just take days like that as I need time to relax and heal. I used to call them "mental health days", now I just say "I'm tired and I need rest". I've been self employed throughout sobriety so I've had the luxury of taking those days off for the most part.
"FEELING" is a tough one. Because I drowned my feelings in a bottle for over 25 yrs, I don't always know what is right, just, or even somewhat normal. But the longer I stay sober, the more I learn.
Most important, in the first year (longer for some) listen to your body. If you need to rest, then rest...........
Hang in there, gal. It really does get better.
(((((Hugs))))
~ the other Jen
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
