"I woke up this morning and I had a hard time for a while," said one recovering man. "Then I realized it was because I wasn't liking myself very much." Recovering people often say: I just don't like myself. When will I start liking myself?
The answer is: start now. We can learn to be gentle, loving, and nurturing with ourselves. Of all the recovery behaviors we're striving to attain, loving ourselves may be the most difficult, and the most important. If we are habitually harsh and critical toward ourselves, learning to be gentle with ourselves may require dedicated effort.
But what a valuable venture!
By not liking ourselves, we may be perpetuating the discounting, neglect, or abuse we received in childhood from the important people in our life. We didn't like what happened then, but find ourselves copying those who mistreated us by treating ourselves poorly.
We can stop the pattern. We can begin giving ourselves the loving, respectful treatment we deserve.
Instead of criticizing ourselves, we can tell ourselves we performed well enough.
We can wake up in the morning and tell ourselves we deserve a good day.
We can make a commitment to take good care of ourselves throughout the day.
We can recognize that were deserving of love. We can do loving things for ourselves.
We can love other people and let them love us.
People, who truly love themselves do not become destructively self-centered. They do not abuse others. They do not stop growing and changing. People who love themselves well, learn to love others well too. They continually grow into healthier people, learning that their love was appropriately placed.
Today, I will love myself. If I get caught in the old pattern of not liking myself, I will find a way to get out.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hey Carol I read this after I posted to you.........A big old HELLO to me!!!!! Like the share and how true this is for me today!!!!!! Should have read this first!!!!!
XO
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
My therapist has been on me about this for some time. I understand the logic and thinking behind the concept of loving oneself, but I simply cannot apply it to myself. I was not neglected or abused as a child, I did not have alcoholic parents, none of that stuff. I actually had a very blessed life in all respects. I had absolutely no reason to become an alcoholic and do all the stuff that comes with that. Today I understand the fact that its a disease etc etc, and I no longer bash myself up about what I became when I drank nor about what I did. During the late stages of my drinking I truly despiced myself for what I had become. Now that I am sober I am ok with me, but loving myself ? I think not, or at least not yet. At best I am neutral to me, I suppose. Any wisdom from any of you will be greatly appreciated.
In AA they love us until we can love ourselves! I think too, that with the changes we make in ourselves, the ones we have hurt or disappointed start to love us as they have never done before...This in turn, helps us get to the point where we can indeed love ourselves!!!
Good luck with this one because Im still struggling myself! I can still get beat up by those around me and have to remember, they are the sick ones and their opinion of me doesnt really matter! I cant let it reflect on me and feel bad about myself because they have issues..... ?Make sense?
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
One of the old-timers in my home group tells this story occasionally.....he was really struggling with remorse and regret until one day another member confronted him and said:
"God has already forgiven you. When the heck are you going to forgive yourself?"
That was a turning point for him.
I like what lani said too: "In AA they love us until we can love ourselves!" How true. Just went through an experience where a fellow member had a slip, was sitting at home contemplating suicide when his sponsor knocked on the door, and wouldn't go away until he answered it. The guy stayed with him through the night and got him into a hospital the next day. He's ok now.
He told me, "these guys love me more than I love myself!!"
