The un-numbing

Tipsy McStagger · Senior Member

The un-numbing

Tipsy McStagger · Senior Member

Perhaps one of you geniuses knows of some way to to expedite my way past this little hurdle

seeking serenity · Member

yeah.. i hear ya... i have 60 some odd days back and im all over the place... judging people getting angry a lot (which i did not let myself do for years) or im numb or raw like you mentioned... what is working for me? calling my sponsor often, anywhere from once to a thousand times per day. i meet with her once to three times a week... i talk to other women and i say what is in my head at meetings... and then i listen to what is shared back... i go to quite a few big book meetings, where there is a solution.. and i constantly ask this power that i am not sure if i believe in / dont know if it will work to help me.... plain and simple sometimes i lay in bed crying only able to utter those two words. i believe that other people believe.(in a god of their understanding/in the program its self) and since i have been in and out for almost 10 years- i have seen this power work for them...each time i was around before it was easy.... and the past three weeks have been the absolute hardest of my entire life... i feel things deeper than i am willing to admit - that was why i made them go away for so long. I can tell you that in this moment, i am calm, grateful, hopeful, and trusting that i can get through these first 90 days of sobriety...

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

TM, there is no fast track through that mine field that you're walking through. It's takes time to build your sober identity and you'll have to walk through a lot of fear to do it. You're experience is typical and is like walking through a european city the morning after a WWII bombing complete with burning buildings, carnage, walking wounded (you). All there is is what's been available for the last 70 some years, working the steps, sharing in meetings, acceptance, prayer and meditation. The thing that helped me with this is the statement "We must act our way to better feeling". You cannot think you're way through, you must act.
You're mind is the european city, reality is the walk in the park, time to wake up.

Dean

Doll · MIP Old Timer

"I think my greatest attraction to alcohol was the deadening of my feelings and emotions.."

I believe that statement holds true for most alcoholics.

Dean is correct that you must ACT.....act 'as if' --- as if everything is fine --- 'fake it till you make it' the mind will eventually follow.

Just remember you can't undo overnight what you've done long term.

If you feel it's over the top or outta control, why not look into some 1 on 1 counseling.

BUT, no matter what , DON'T DRINK AND KEEP GOING TO MEETINGS!

Hang tough, it really does get better.

jonijoni · MIP Old Timer

I would defninitely not be the genius you were imploring for an answer.... all I have is what worked for me/my sponsor/my friends/the rest of AA. Bury yourself in meetings, 12 steps, Big Book studies, new friendships with folks your own age who are in recovery. Pray even when you can't bring yourself to do it, or don't know what to pray for or whom to pray TO. Pretty soon time will have gone by while you were busy with AA and AA people, and you will awake to find that things have become a lot calmer, and without your even noticing. Ask for help. Ask for help. Ask for help. And in 3D.

Hope today is a good day for you, Tipsy.

An old fart in AA once said, "I used to say that AA was a bunch of brain washing. Well, my brain surely needed a good WASHING."

lani · MIP Old Timer

Tipsy:
I love your graphic comments!!! Sense of humor is in there dying to come out!!! I too have a lot of emotions springing out in all directions! Drives me crazy at times because I never learned how to feel anything! The old feelings of burying my head in the sand or a drink come back alot but Im finding as I deal with the things of the past, my plate is emptying out alittle bit so theres not so much pain left to deal with.
It is a good feeling! Most importantly, feelings can be good! The less bad stuff I have to deal with the more room I have for the good stuff! Youre doing great and sharing from the heart! It does get easier!

L

cooncatbob · Senior Member

You can be too smart for recovery but you can't be too dump.
LOL
I wish I had an answer to your question, my only response would be there's no situation that a drink won't make worse.

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

James, I'm really proud of the courage & effort you're putting into getting to know yourself in these new terms & I can say from my own experience that it really does get easier & better. It's like you've ripped the dependency out of your heart & soul & left yourself open without that 'great placater' of alcohol to shield you from the realities of you & the world. I really didn't like what I found when I put drink down & faced me.

I thought alcohol was the root of all my problems & for me sobriety has had to have moments of getting worse before it got better. I was bad tempered & deeply grieving. My 'bestmate' was out of my life & I was having to deal with my feelings, thoughts & emotions totally raw. I hated the insecurity of it & there were many meetings I sat, sulked, cried & complained through. It wasn't all bad cuz loads of good stuff was coming through too like seeing beauty with clear eyes & I was also sharing about all of that.

It's all been truly rewarding & I have been learning how to live & look at me. The serenity prayer is a great tool cuz it helps me to remember why I'm making all this effort, for serenity & peace of mind & to ask in surrender to my Higher Power for willingness which takes some of any uneccessary struggle & fight out of me. It helps to keep me mindful of acceptance & courage & that I'm not alone & can ask for help at any time.

The thing about being in AA which is unique to ordinary pressures is that we share a goal with so many others who have & do suffer like us. Even the ability & willingness to ask for help in itself is a real skill. I used to be so adament to 'earn my stripes' & try to justify gaining some kind of confidence that I had to do everything my way. The point was that my way hadn't worked & always led to a drink. I don't want that today so I keep on asking for help & to learn these new ways.

I guess my point is that, especially while you're in early recovery, reaching out, picking up the phone, getting to meetings, immersing yourself in the literarture & learning about what's happening for you & listening to others who've had the same, you'll keep on receiving the strength you need to help you grow until you've learned this new way of life & of being.

Now I really love how I feel about things. Things are starting to settle in their 'rightful' places & I'm not dominated by my ego like I was before. I didn't even know how huge & problematic my ego was. Yours seems to cause you some grief too but it does get easier, James & you'll learn how not to suffer so much & have gratitude for simple little things that will bring you much greater pleasure than any drink ever did or could.

I've been around for 20mths or so & worked consistantly on my recovery. One of my main motivations is that I want to get better & keep growing & I don't want the same old shit I ever got up to before. The way I see it is that I've already had half my lifetime in drink & seeing as how I don't know how long I'll be on the planet I'm trying for a different life for the rest of it. I've lots of dreams I want to see come true & be in the best position I can be to acheive them. I know I won't manage even half of them but it's still great to have them & I love the optimism that staying sober gives me.

I love that whatever doesn't happen won't be meant to be cuz I've been doing the next right thing anyways & it won't be cuz of my own letting myself down by taking that first drink again. I know what all that will lead to for me & I just want to stay in with a chance. The chance that staying sober gives me. I had no chance before when I was drinking. My life's already been proof of that. The other beauty of it is that I don't have to deal with any alcohol induced moodswings cuz it's out of my system & my emtions have calmed down. My head's quieter & I'm learning how to love me & others from the inside out. That's heaven & a great reward.

I hope you're experiencing positives to focus on to help you through these tough times. It's all good you know, James. I'm proud of you & it's lovely to share in some of your journey here & to see the love that being given back to you in return for your sharing. Yeah, it's all good ;) Keep up the fab work. I'm wth you too. In fellowship, Danielle x

Bryan39 · Senior Member

A little under a year ago I ask the same question here I got much the same advice you have here it does get easier with time. This is particularly hard for most men we tend to stuff and deny our emotions anyway. I would urge you to immerse yourself in the program right now and to quote wise old phil when I ask this question "hang in there bud "

bryan

TenderheartsKS · Senior Member

Sorry, but I don't have a quick fix for that one! My emotions were all over the place early in sobriety, and there wasn't any hurrying that along, just walking through it.