Alcoholics Anonymous
Members Login
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Phobias

MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 2087

Commitment phobia – this is the fear and avoidance of having to commit to anything, but especially relationships.

It can express itself in all kinds of different ways, but typically sufferers may exhibit any of these:

Being overly critical of the other partner in the relationship, and/or the relationship as a whole.

Annoying / hurting the other person, thus sabotaging the relationship, even if it’s considered to be working well. An example of this, might be consistently turning up late for things – whether with apologetic excuses, or not.

Being scared of getting noticed, because the other person might want to start a relationship. In fact, they'll often reject other people from the word go, so that a relationship barely gets off the starting blocks. The feeling behind this, can be to protect themselves from even the prospect of allowing others’ to get too close.

At the other end of the scale, a commitment phobic, may be flirtatious and appear to want the attentions of other interested parties, desiring even a longer-term physical relationship. But, eventually the fear can, and often does, win out and the other person gets pushed away, leaving broken hearts in its wake.

Fearing being swamped by others, and thus losing sight of who they feel they really are.

Unable to face or explore the prospects, issues, or thoughts, of living together, or getting married.

Some commitment phobics may want to find Mr or Miss Right and get married, but will often have somewhat unrealistic ‘ideals’ over possible suitors. Often friends and relatives notice and will often make comments like: 'you're being too picky', and ‘Mr/Miss Perfect’ just doesn’t exist.'

Sometimes they'll fall in love with other people who just aren’t interested in forming an intimate relationship. The reasoning behind this can be that the commitment phobic has, (deliberately, or otherwise), chosen a person who can’t/won’t, form a lasting relationship, and so they are ‘safe’ from having to make that long-term commitment.

There is also the type of sufferer who enters a relationship, can’t commit, then leaves at some point, only to return sometime later, before leaving yet again. This yo-yoing can happen time and time again leaving hurt, bewilderment and distrust in its wake.

There can be the avoidance of having to commit to anything. This can also involve jobs, tasks, timekeeping, as well as personal relationships / friendships. Interestingly, it can even involve undertaking treatment for the commitment phobia itself.

The causes of this phobia can be many and varied, but often it starts in childhood, and can sometimes be associated with a loss, or trauma, of some kind, possibly parental separation, divorce, or bereavement.

Another possibility, is that the child might have witnessed, or been a victim of, poor role models, or even abusive relationships during those formative years.

Not surprisingly, this can (consciously, or unconsciously) colour the way they feel and take part in relationships as an adult, too.

Often, at the fear's root, will be a fear of loss, or rejection, by others. The subconscious feels, that if it happened once before, it could happen again. Guilt, too, can play its part.

To avoid this pain, there will be some kind of distancing from others, in order to 'protect' themselves and to keep some semblance of control.

Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..

Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 133

Thanks Phil, for this one, to possibly know where another is coming from, or where we need to recognize our own fears. 

Page 1 of 1  sorted by
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.