Hi All: My mom's husband died yesterday morning and Im having a tough time. Unfortunately, everyone I know is at work and I just needed to vent a moment.
Got the news he was ill and I knew it was just a matter of time. He was 72. So the hardest part of all is....My mom left me and my brothers to be raised by my dad when I was 6. She stayed in town a while then moved to new jersey with her second husband, I saw her once a year for a while at xmas or summers. Then she divorced, remarried and moved to florida. Havent been super close to her all my life but her being my mom we did have a bond. Funny thing is, she had another daughter by her second husband and she is now 25ish with 7 kids!! A total story in itself.....
So, talked to her today and not really sure what to do. Going there is out of the question and theyre really not having a funeral anyways. She had been crying the last two weeks while he was in the icu but now has a calm about her.... I guess Im feeling guilty that I cant be there for her. On one hand, I told my dad yesterday I wouldnt go there for a funeral as I "really didnt know him (which I do) or her for that matter!
Thinking about it, Im finding that its the old defense mechanism Ive had all my life. Acting like its no big deal and pretending it doesnt bother me. But, you know what...It really does. Oh the joys of sobriety and really feeling emotions! Yuck! I guess Ive been clinging to that character defect the last 6 months of sobriety too and things are coming to a head!
Hmmmm......I didnt realize this about myself until JUST now! I guess it helps to vent alittle! So, thanks for listening. Just really requesting prayers for my mom and "her grandson" of my sisters shes raising! Thanks, Lani
-- Edited by lani at 12:55, 2008-05-02
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mom's husband. Thoughts and prayers are going up for you and your family right now. Try to take it easy on yourself ... there is a lot of emotion around right now.
I'm glad that you could share how you are feeling with us.
Take good care of yourself, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I can understand how old internal struggles would surface for you right now. It is a difficult place to be in, where you feel you have to feel supportive and sorry for someone who has hurt you so. My experiences were not even close to being the same with my father, as they were with you and your mom, but the hurt was still there for a very long time regarding certain circumstances when I was younger. He went through a lot of heartache with a lady who was saying she was pregnant with his child a few years ago, who wanted to terminate the pregnany and wanted him to pay for it, and HE was hell-bent on keeping the child. He really yearned for my support at the time, but it was just so hard for me because of the mixed feelings I had and how I was rejected by him regarding my own particular set of circumstances where I had thought I was pregnant at one time before. Long story, but it was a real struggle for me because I still had real anger and hurt there that I had been trying to deny for years. During the times where my dad was reaching out to me, I felt anger, guilt, hurt, pity, self-righteousness, and all sorts of things that are very uncomfortable. Especially for a recovering alcoholic.
I hope that time can sort this out for you, Lani. You are a walking miracle, and times like this where you have to face and deal with some buried emotions will only make you stronger and more serene if you take it one day at a time and allow yourself to feel all the things you really do feel, and put the "I should feel" and "I shouldn't feel's" away. Stick close to your sponsor, your husband, your support group and us here. Let out all the stuff you are feeling into the sunlight so the healing power of God can make sense of it and heal you.
Love you and thinking of you, and I am here to listen any time.
Love, Joni
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
I do appreciate your love and support. I almost feel like a little blossom opening up into the sunshine after a long cold winter!!! Scary, my eyes are all scrunched up and my limbs are tight. But the more I reach for the sunshine , the strnger I feel!!! You guys are the best...Thanks for ALWAYS being here for me!! XO Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
