I'm probably not the best person to reply to this, but some people in the world are just ar**holes and the best thing to do is to ignore them. May not work in this situation though.
Phil, help neded!
Bye for now, don't get angry, you'll only cause yourself stress if you get angry, it's not worth it.
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
Well, now... this is the AA board and we have all been alcoholic assholes.. so I am not sure what response you are looking for from us. One alcoholic to say how awful another alcoholic is? That is the pot calling the kettle black. Shall we have a moment of silence for the still sick and suffering? Busbe, do you go to alanon meetings? Do you do the 12 Steps?
Here we learn that we are powerless over people , places and things, and we try to focus on ourselves... we can change our coping skills and attitudes so that we can deal more positively and constructively with all the assholes in the world,, which, of course we are not in position on this board to judge.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
I saved myself hurt and anger when a drunken in-law relative would call... the minute he started talking, I told him to hold on and I'd hand the phone over to my hubby! That was that.
Through working that 3rd Step in AA and Al-Anon, I came to accept that I had no control over another person. I also had to lessen my Expectations of others by 100%!!
Keep working on it, sweetie, and through repeated practice it will become real for you. You'll love and appreciate yourself and Let Go and Let God. It's all about progress, right?
I'm still working at things, too, so you're not alone.
I was just putting up Step 4 for the Step Work board, and noticed the paragraph about our anger and resentment hurting ourselves the most. When we get angry and have resentments we lose our serenity,, and the two things don't really help the situation... Anger could be the right response, but then we have to act constructively,,,, as Paul says,,, be angry but do not sin... meaning that if our anger results in some kind of constructive response that will really improve the situation for everyone,, then that is okay... but if our anger results in hurting someone else, or making the situation worse, being insulting to someone, or getting our own panties in a twist, then that is destructive and not reflecting any recovery on our part. We need to focus what we can change,,, we can keep our serenity by using constructive coping skills.
That is the perspective of one A who doesn't like being blamed for everything while other people don't admit their own part in the chaos.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
We only ever lose ourselves when we focus on someone else.
STAY HONEST. If you don't understand why this guy rattles your cage and manages to get under your skin - just say so. Admit your powerlessness. If you feel scared, say so. If you don't like the way you react, admit that to your hubby. Communicate and identify your fear - what is it that you are scared of? What is the thing you value that is at risk here, and is the threat real? Can he really it take from you? When we speak honestly about our feelings, it opens doors we hadn't even noticed we'd shut.
This guy is not your enemy. If he is an alcoholic, he has the same capacity and potential, that you recognise in each of us here. He will only have as much power over you, as you give him.
And for that you are responsible.
Chin up girl. I think you are underestimating yourself, your hubby and your brother-in-law. Each of us (despite what chemicals we soak ourselves in) are human. If we start by honouring our own 'human-ness' by just being honest... it's SO MUCH easier to find humanity in others.
