a design for living that works in rough going ?

seeking serenity · Member

a design for living that works in rough going ?

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Welcome back, Sarah x I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mum. She sounded unhappy for some time & I hope wherever she is she has serenity & peace for her now. I hope you can find some comfort in that thought too. I've never lost a parent or even anyone close to me so I can't give you love & support from personal experience but know you're with me in my prayers & my heart goes out to you. You're being real strong & brave to hang onto your sobriety in the knowledge that this is best for you in spite of your grief. I know of so many people who have also stayed sober through many painful & life changing circumstances & I'm praying you can find growth & beauty in living through these things too.

Well done on reaching 50days. Another 2months aren't far. Hang in there. I know you've had difficulty stay on your sober path in the past but I feel this can be a real shift for you from the things you've said about doing things differently & using all the right support. Do you have a service position at your home group or anywhere else? I just took up tea~making at my homegroup & it's really helped me in getting connected & bedded in. Doing a meeting everyday really helps too. Sometimes we can underestimate just how much we can grow in a short time when we become as honest, openminded & willing as we possibly can.

Wonderful things will happen for you as soon as you start doing everything you possibly can as suggested & you'll gain that serenity you seek. I hope you're sharing well at meetings too. It's really great when we find our voices in this way. I've been quite surprised with how much my program is improving & coming into action being able to share like this too. Big Book & Step meetings are particularly good for this as it really helps me to tune into the message & soon enough you become a strong message inside yourself & you can get great reward from this when you feel another connection in helping other alcoholics.

I hope you feel even less alone with us here. MIP means so much to me in fellowship too & having you here is so important. I went over to your forum & signed up there to check the place out as soon as it'll let me in! So far there's only access for staff. Please keep coming back & sharing how you are. Sending you loads of recovery loving, Danielle x

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi Sarah,
welcome to the board. Sorry to hear about your Mom passing. She's in a better place now. Reading you comments "some of the time I feel that drinking is not an option" and "other times i just want that ease and comfort that i still believe alcohol gives me..." suggests to me that you're disease is looking for an opportunity or excuse to drink. Using your mom's passing as an excuse to drink, doesn't sound that good to me. Try and fast foward (imagine drinking, acting badly, getting ill, and the shame you'll have when it's over) and then tell yourself NO! and call your sponsor/got to meeting and share those feelings. The longer that you're sober, the more that you'll embrace these opportunities for growth. Becasue when we perservere thru these trying times, and come out the other side
with our sobriety and our spirituality, it makes us stronger and increases our charactor.

Our sobriety is only a daily repreeve based on our spiritual condition. We have to maintain it daily or it runs out and our disease becomes stronger and over takes our sobriety/us. I lost a parent 4 years ago. My fathers second wife made sure that neither I nor my brother could see him the last 8 years of his life.
I found out about his death 3 days after it happened. He'd been gravely ill for a week before. I missed his funeral becasue I was out of the country and only had a days notice (by design of his wife). It's like that commercial says "Life comes at you fast" be sober and be prepared to deal it. This is no time to feel sorry for yourself. Get to some meetings with your sponsor. smile

Dean

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 10:09, 2008-04-28

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Hey Sarah,
I am very sorry for your loss. The only thing I can share with you about your Mom's loss is that the angelic spark of your Mom's soul really, really wants you to remain sober. I do not know your Mom, but I know she was human, and that she always wanted the best for you. She was not perfect, but if she wronged you during life, you have to believe that she loves you and would love to make amends and apologize. If you were distant and angry and hurt and feel that this hurt her in life, you have to believe that she is so far beyond the Earthly drama that she would give a soft laugh like the young mother that you remember, and put her arms around you, and whisper how it was really ok, she understands how tough life can be, and how she would like you to know how she loves and forgives any anger you had and to press on and grab the warmth and peace that staying sober will give you. I hope I am not presuming too much by giving you my simplified perception of what I know is a complex emotional moment, but the "ease and comfort" of booze ALWAYS turns into physical sickness, danger, drama, lies, and would your mother really like to "look down" on that mess?
Stay Strong,
Tom

jonijoni · MIP Old Timer

I too am deeply sorry, Sarah, for whatyou are having to go through right now. And we cannot stay sober for any length of time for someone else, or for their memory, as I am sure you already know. We have to do it for ourselves.

Times like this require those of us in AA to surround ourselves with love and support from our frinneds in the program. These people have, many of them, gone through the type of loss you are experiencing, and they have done it sober, and can show you how to do it too. You can ALWAYS ask for help, no matter what the circumstance. There will ALWAYS be another AA who has been through whatever we go through. Guaranteed. You may want to isolate right now, but being alone with your own negative thoughts and regrets is like being in a really bad neighborhood alone. I urge you to get the loving suport that is there in the rooms of AA, if you only open up and ask for it. If we don't ask for help in coping with stuff like this, our disease gets us thinking it is our only friend, and that is a lie. So pick up that phone, and getto a meeting ASAP.

I do hope you get some support through this time, face to face, with another alcoholic or more. You will surely be in my thoughts and prayers.

((((hugs))))

jonijoni · MIP Old Timer

I am thinking of you, and I offer these as a small token of the love and support and peace I hope you find at this time.

seeking serenity · Member

thank all of you for your experiences and kind words. I am speaking with my sponsor, and others in the program on a constant basis. The urge still comes up, and luckily goes away too. I need to rely on a higher power, i just dont know what it is yet. I find my self just saying "help me" over and over again. I am trying to stay in the moment and not wonder off to the thoughts of my mom not being at my wedding, seeing my kids (if i am meant to have them) or even at my 90 day celebration in June.. In this moment i am willing to do what i must to stay sober and trudge through this. I am scared, and i know that I can not do this alone. Thank you all again.

lani · MIP Old Timer

Hi Sara:
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. You are in my thoughts and prayers. If you can make it through this sober, imagine what other obstacles you can overcome!!! Your mom is probably looking down on you right now with pride and joy!!!

Remember the good times and how blessed you were to have a mother at your side! She will be there for you always, even if only in spirit!!!
Lani

seeking serenity · Member

thank you