Welcome to MIP, Angelcheeks. Posting on here is a fantastic start as it's your beginnings in admitting you have a problem & asking for help. Now you can start working towards accepting it & going to any lengths to stop & stay stopped. I exercise abstinance in AA cuz like you, when I start I don't stop til I drop. I can't guarantee my behaviour & I know that drinking the way I drank was progressive & would lead to something dangerous & undesirable to put it mildly.

You say you don't know why you do it & that's not a very nice place to be cuz it basically means you can't predict or control how much or when you drink again, only that it 'just' keeps happening & that's frightening. AA offers a program of recovery that helps us to build up our defences against the first drink. We say in AA that it's the first drink that gets you drunk cuz certainly after that drink there is no control. We recognise this in Step1 where 'we admitted that we were powerless over alcohol & that our lives had become unmanageable.'

You've made a beginning in this in your post already. Well done, Angels. I truly felt for & identified with you in your words & situation & I'm glad you're here. The beautiful thing is that there is a solution & there is a life after alcohol. I've been alcohol free for 18mths & I've done this by going to meetings, picking up the literature & making lots of friends with the women I met there who were kind & gave me their numbers. One of these women in particular became my sponsor as she works the Steps & had been sober for 4yrs. It was a gift to be with her when she celebrated her 5th! She's a very special friend who shows me unconditional love & helps me to work the steps too. It's this sort of work that keeps us away from that first drink & helps to rebuild our confidence.

When I first came to AA in the Summer of 2006 I had no idea how much my life could & would change. It's 1Day@aTime & today I have a life I can enjoy & not feel excluded cuz I don't drink. That takes a while to begin with. I eventually found that I didn't want to do the things that revolved around drink but that this didn't mean I couldn't enjoy my friends. I learned to spend quality time with them in other ways & I don't have to live with the shame that my drinking & behaviour in drink caused me now. I can only tell you what a relief that is for me today! 

I'm really glad you've found MIP. Besides my meetings & the fellowship I enjoy with others in recovery (not to mention all the other fun I get to have in life) the fellowship in this forum has been with me right throughout some difficult moments & everyone has shared in my joys too. It's a great place to come & share & feel understood whilst telling our stories. Keep coming back. Newcomers are the most important people here & everyone will share their stories & experience with you cuz helping you helps us too.

I posted a series of questions to help work in developing a good foundation for Step1. You'll find them on this front page. Good luck in getting started, Angela. When I first admitted I was an alcoholic in a meeting & was ready for help I was given a talismen with this message which I'll offer to you.. It means so much to me ~

Never Alone Again

               ...THIS
             ROAD IS A  
        LONG ONE, BUT
  TOGETHER, ALL OF US
AS ONE, WILL WIN BACK
OUR SELF-RESPECT AND
       BEGIN WALKING 
    OUR NEW ROAD TO 
       THIS BEAUTIFUL
        THING CALLED
                  LIFE

Thanks for being here, Sweetcheeks. I hope you enjoy the fellowship & it's fruits as much as I do, Danielle x

Hi Amanda,
Welcome to the board. You'll find a lot of support here. It's a good sign that you're reaching out for help with this difficult problem. We've all been where you at, and that's no way to have fun. I too was a black out drinker, and wound up in places that I didn't know how I got to. I can't imagine how much more dangerous that would be if I'd been a woman. The people that you are calling your friends, have their problems to. Many of my old friends are dead now, and but for the grace of God and finding this program (AA), I'd be dead too.

Why don't you give AA and yourself a chance. You can always go back to drinking, but you'll not neccesarily feel like getting sober again. It's a window of opportunity that may open and close as few as once in several years. What can happen during those years inbetween can be devastating.

Looks like you have great AA resorces in your area, give them a call and they will tell you where a speakers meeting or beginners meeting near you is. They can also arrange for a couple of women to take you to some meetings so that you won't feel alone when you go. good luck. http://www.vanintgrp.com/

Dean


-- Edited by StPeteDean at 08:41, 2008-04-11

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 08:42, 2008-04-11

Welcome Sweetcheeks.  I'm really glad you're here. I've been sober, and posting here, for about 1 1/2 months.  I worried a lot, and still do (though not as much) about how I'll manage to live my life without drinking.  After all, so much of my life centered on it -- every social occasion, friends, etc.  In fact, I thought alcohol WAS my friend.  It wasn't.  It almost took away my health, my kids, my husband, and my job.  The key word is almost.  I don't have to lose all of that stuff.  I know I have a problem, because every time I'd pick up a drink, I'd promise that it was going to be fun, social drinking, but then, even if I wanted to stop, once I started, I just couldn't.  The next day was filled with the inevitable remorse and shame, and the promise to myself that I'd never do it again.  Of course, I did.  Because I am an alcoholic.  

Some very wise people have told me that I don't even have to be convinced that I'm an alcoholic, and I don't have to promise that I'll never drink again.  All I have to do is not drink today and ask for help.  Every day that I do, I feel better.  I am only now starting to realize how crappy I really felt when I was drinking.  I thought I was having "fun" too.  At least for me, drinking wasn't fun.  I blacked out, drove WHILE drinking (not just under the influence!), wasn't fully there for my kids, lied to my husband, etc.  What is fun (and scary, and confusing, but mainly fun) is getting to know myself a bit, having friends who completely have my back no matter what and understand what I'm going through, and dealing with life without drinking. 

This board is a big part of my recovery every day.  You can say anything and I guarantee you someone here (probably more than one person) has done/felt something similar, and will make you feel better.  I don't have a lot of wisdom to offer you, but I can at least identify with some of what you're going through.

I hope you stick around.  Think about all the suffering you can avoid if you stop now.  Someone told me that alcoholism is like an elevator going down.  It only goes down, but you can get off whenever you like. I didn't want to go all the way down to the basement, so I got off.

Good luck.