Hi Sarah,

Welcome to MIP. It's a great little corner of the 'net and there are some truly wonderful people here.

Well done on 27 days. That's great. It's great to know that you have a sponsor, a home group and going to regular meetings.

I, too, have relapsed in the past and I now have just over two years sobriety. I kept hitting problems until I had really done a thorough step one and admitted it all to myself. I kept my written step one and whenever I was tempted to take a drink again I would read it and ask myself if I really wanted to go back there. It helped, along with sharing at meetings and talking with my sponsor about what was going on for me.

Just hang in there and it will get better.

Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?

Take care,

Carol

Hi Sarah,
welcome back and to the board. It is painful to read your post, knowing what it feels like to be in and out of the program. I too attended my first AA meeting when I was 15 yo. Then at 16, 18, 20, then not again until 27. Then two solid years of going to meetings and not being able to get past 3 months sober. Then at age 29 (a common age of starting sobriety) I was willing to do "whatever it takes to stay sober". Up until that time, I'd never had a good sponsor, done the steps (no 4th or 5th), no "90 meetings in 90 days", no home group, no regular step study meeting, no service positions, no AA friends.... I wasn't doing or "getting it". This program has guaranteed results- ("Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path...") if a person listens to what the members with long term sobriety did to get and stay sober. It's a simple matter of duplicating their efforts. Take it from a fellow chronic relapser, I was too smart (I thought. I actually found that I had a leaning disability later) not as sick as the rest (sicker actually), didn't think that I had to work as hard (read too smart again), and didn't consider the people in AA to be my peers and as such didn't seek them out to be amongst my contemporaries (friends). And my custom made program didn't work for me. Eventually I paid a high price for my reluctance in the form of loss, marriage, career, freedom, sanity and health. I watched people, whom I thought were my friends, die.

Do yourself a favor and don't consider the time that you spent "in the program" as sobriety. This is not meant to be a jab, what I'm trying to say is that if you consider the 5.5 years (cumulitive) as "sobriety" then you're outlook on the program working for you will be tainted and you may be cynical about any future outcome. I would suggest that you consider that you weren't working "your program" well enough to affect long term results. Yes it is "one day at a time" but statistics show that the prospects for long term sobriety increase exponentially after reaching 5 and 10 years because large numbers of AAs drop out before reaching 5 and 10.
You're making a "new start". Reinvent your program instead of just modifying it.

Things that helped my tremendously. Going to meetings every day for the first 3 years. I had several "home groups". I went to a step meeting on monday to start the week off right, then went to another step meeting on friday to get my head right for the weekend. I enjoyed going to morning meetings (very good sobriety in morning meetings). When it didn't work for me on weekdays, then I'd get up and go to 7am on saturday.
I attended a regular "Men's meeting" (find a women's meeting). For the first 5 years I regularly attended meetings held at treatment centers so that I could see my future if I didn't stay sober. I also attended beginners meetings for years to "keep it real". I got rid of all of my drinking and using buddies and replaced them with sober people in AA. I lived with Sober AAs for the first 4 years. I was fortunate that I could pick ones with more sobriety than I had, as I was renting rooms to them, in a house that my father owned (Thanks Dad wherever you are). Get busy, sobriety is a full time occupation. Make it as fun as you can by finding the best meetings, going to as many different meetings as you can find, going to dances, dinners out, beach conventions, making coffee... you're still young enough to enjoy young people's meetings. I had a lot of fun, and still do. I most enjoy ridding my motorcycle (or driving the wife's convertible) to beach meetings

Dean

Soooooo Glad you're back!

and welcome to MIP

((Hugs))